UNIQLO
No, seriously, it's better than Old Navy. Better colors, nicer fabrics, more attractive styles, no crappy decals and lame attempts to appeal to pre-teen fashionistas. Even the name rolls off the tongue... Yuu-ni-kuu-loh. UNIQLO. Would Old Navy regularly sell anything but crap for $5? Would Old Navy ever have $5 SKIRTS?!?!?!

I got a $20 Italian wool sweater in brown from UNIQLO to wear with my cords and with my khaki skirt if I ever, ever can work up the gall to buy a pair of the OMG OH SO AWESOME knee-high leather high-heeled boots they have here. SOSOSOSOOOOooo HOTT. Pricey though. May rationalize the $150-$250 expense if I can get a few more high-paying, low-effort jobs. I really do think the boots are to die for, incredibly fashionable and oh-so-sexy.

I tell ya. It's not ujnbearably EXPENSIVE here. It's just so hard not to spend money.

Death, Taxes and Earthquakes
the three inevitabilities of Tokyo

Lonely. Depressed. Tired. Can't keep up with the pace. Sick of the smell, the noise, the crowds. I can't stand the push and the pull, the want and the need. Can't scale the wall. Can't learn the language. Fuckitall, wannagohome. And shove the words of wisdom, thanks, I'm allowed to feel this way.

Did you know that 30,000 people in Japan kill themselves each year? Or that the suicide death rate here is three times the death rate of those killed in auto accidents? Granted, both stats are probably a product of the ever-so "convenient" rapid transit system throughout the country. But even so, there's a serious problem with Japanese society and I think I'm beginning to understand why. I want Tokyo to be deep. And it is layered like an onion... but an onion, too, is superficial. Without meaning or connection, I fear there can be no magic.

I feel alone and unwanted, an indimidating spectacle who backs the natives up against a wall (or just entertains them) and is too strange and comic even for the foreigners to accept as more than an amusement. Is there a reason no one takes me seriously?

Even in my quest for employment, I feel like I'm just a tool. Apparently seeking a high-pay, low-effort job compromises my integrity. Last night I dreamt that my host mother, sister and I wanted to go to the hardware store for some reason but when we got there it had been closed down. Right in front of it, as in a department store layout, was a hair salon. One of the stylists, dressed rather like a pimp, pulled me aside and started talking to me. After I told him that I wanted to travel but needed money first, he explained that he was very wealthy and had no use for his money so he shoved a wad of cash (at least Y80000) into my hands and told me to keep it. I wanted to but didn't think it was a no-obligation donation, even though he assured me it was. When I tried to leave, however, he wouldn't let me.

On the upside (and downside), the McEvil job problem solved itself. As it turns out, I didn't have to refuse them because they refused me. It didn't cross my mind really that they'd want someone else's photo over mine. Oh well, my ego is bruised (subconsciously, this is probably the whole reason I'm upset right now) but at least I don't have to worry about schedule conflicts. All in balance.

This place is a gross money pit, though. It's impossible NOT to spend here. And SPEND and SPEND. On the littlest of things... bottled water, train passes, dinner with friends, nomikai, dancing. If I want to do anything besides stay at home, I have to spend money. Lots. Of. Money.

I'm craving to pull a Tyler Durden here and just reset the whole damn system. Pave the city to the ground. But maybe while I'm here "the big one" will hit and I won't have to do anything... it'll all be done by God just for me.

In Nihongo no kurasu we were in the middle of our large, 3-chapter test when the biggest (well, only) earthquake I've ever felt struck. It wasn't anything scary, really, but since we were on the 6th floor of a building, it felt a bit like being on a boat. And lasted longer than a minute getting alternately bigger and stronger... so I guess it was a pretty long one. I was delightfully entertained and managed to forget for a moment that I am an idiot at Japanese.

Looking outside, one couldn't tell anything was amiss. No other buildings were swaying or toppling. The only thing that indicated the earthquake was the gentle wiggling of the Kokusaibu and the clattering of the windowshades as the building rocked back and forth.

On second thought, it was pretty freaking rad. I guess Japan isn't so bad after all.

Wheeeeee! Mommy, can I ride again!?!?!?

The Arrangement
God I love Joni Mitchell.

=^.^=
Tomorrow is Halloween and even though they don't "celebrate" it here, in traditonal spirit I bought a pair of cat ears and a tail at Tokyu Hands "creative living store." First, you wouldn't BELIEVE how much they sell crappy costumes for there. We're talking $50 and up. But then, it could be exactly the same in the US and I'd be completely unaware as I've never been loser enough to buy a pre-made, pre-assembled, generic, crap-o costume. (Can you sense the angst toward cookie-cutter costumes in me?) Tomorrow I plan to make as many people stare at me as humanly possible. Or at least have a good laugh at my stupid gaijin expense. Nyao!

I'm meeting Kazu, Charles's ex-roomate and former UO student at Baba station tomorrow for coffee with he and his friend. Wow, and I can say that all in Japanese except the EX and FORMER stuff.

I recieved a call today from the modeling agency I'm registered at. They have a potential job for me already. Some McDonald's promotional video. A $200 paycheck. I shudder at the thought of working in any way for McEvil but since the promotional video will never reach public eyes, I feel no shame in accepting. There's one small problem, though. They job is on Wednesday (yes, my one technically "free" day) and I teach English on Wednesday.

You may say, "Why, Kat, the obvious choice is a $200 job over a $30 job, isn't it?" Well, yes, it is... but I feel obligated to help my English clients. Even though one of them will be absent next week, hence cutting my pay by $10 for the hour, I can't walk out on them or cancel ALREADY. This week was our first real lesson. It's a real freaking dilemma, I tell ya. Since the agent who called me could give me no definite time of day for the job, I told him to get back to me because I should not cancel my English teaching job without further notice. As loathe as I would be to pass up this first assignment, it's not missing the paycheck that worries me but perhaps making a bad first impression. On both accounts-- English Teaching and Modeling. Bah.

No need to worry since it's out of my hands until the agent calls me back and then must I decide. Of course, I worry anyway since I am who I am. I worry that I will NEVER have time for a modeling job. I worry that they'll gradually pass me over because my schedule is so full. I worry that I'm spending too much to be able to travel and survive here with personal expense income. I worry that when I get home I'll have no cash in my account. I worry that I will have no free time regardless of work or no work. I worry I'll forget what it's like to sleep a full night.

I might develop a nervous tick. But then, that's not fitting for a cat-girl.

Damn, my room is dusty.

wanna be a star
Since I arrived in Japan I've eaten more than five kinds of pasta, fish, stirfry, soup, stew, fried rice, onigiri (rice balls, yum! ^.^) and curry for breakfast. I've never had eggs once but it's probably for the best. Though I love tamago-yaki, I don't think I trust anyone's scrambled eggs but my own. Cereal is both rare and non-traditional fare. But I've had granola twice for breakfast and... mmm-MMH, the Japanese make a mean granola! If you're here and haven't bought cereal yet, try Calbee granolas. I've got one right now with azuki beans and sweet potato. My mom thought I might not like it because it was so "Japanese" but I seriously think it's the best granola I've ever had. I can eat a whole four-serving box in one sitting. YUM.

Strangely enough, the Japanese also seem to like yoghurt and make numerous varieties of both drinkable and eatable yogurt not available in the US. Like Aloe flavored, for example. It's good, believe it or not!

Oh, and Pocky! Not a snack but sustenance. So far I've found more than ten flavors: Almond crush, white and dark mousse, chocolate, white chocolate, two kinds of strawberry, pumpkin, choco-banana, coconut, "men's" (?? don't ask), super-crisp, mont-blache and strawberry ganauche. Pocky.... mmm... just finished another box.

I'm trying not to become a total fatass, really. I went to the gym again today but so far this week have only lifted weights and not done any cardio aside from walking miles upon miles and dancing. Therefore, I seem to be losing weight anyway. It's a good routine to keep up, since only lifting weights allows me to maintain strength and appearance while also releasing frustration and getting my lovely endorphin fix. I almost lost a bet I didn't make today though... I actually saw another white girl (from the CALPUC program) at the gym today. We were thrilled to meet and she managed to rescue me from a creepy Russian guy (damn pretentious gaijin males!).

I feel much more human today after accomplishing a decent amount of sleep last night. I wanted to sleep until 9AM but of course my body woke me anyway and then when I almost got back to sleep some major contruction started right outside my window. I figured it was something being constructed for one of the restaurants next door but didn't learn until just now before I got home that it was, in fact, the Ramen-ya being completely torn apart and vacated. How sad! I admit, though, I am curious what will fill in its spot.

As a result of sleeping more than six hours, my cold miraculously cured itself and my hands stopped shaking. A good thing, too, because I needed to look "alive" today for my modeling interview. This morning I dolled myself up after the first armpit-shave I've taken since I got off my antibiotics. I've got my fingers crossed to be cured now. Truth be told, though, I was getting a bit fond of being hairy. Yeesh.

I wasn't too impressed with the modeling agency. After I filled out paperwork, I sat downstairs and was unattended for at least half an hour. A few Japanese children came and went while waiting for sample photos to be taken of them and I bided my time somewhat tensely. Finally, they took some photos of me, in which I managed to actually break a natural smile thanks to the one cute kid remaining in the photo room. It also helped that there was a mirror behind the photographer so I could see if I looked too stupid. I froze a bit when he had me pose, though. Somehow I had expected to be more directed. Since I don't often "pose" myself, I was at a loss of what to do. I think I survived.

Once I got upstairs and talked to the woman in charge, I felt a little better. This agency is obviously not in the upper eschelon of high fashion (nor do I want it to be) but since I've seen it mentioned many places, I'm sure it's legit. I had my measurements re-taken and was surprised to find that they were much smaller than the conversions I had done myself which means either I've shrunk or my previous measurements were incorrect. Hmm. I'm not complaining.

What struck me most about the whole process was how much the modeling agency felt like any other temp agency. Basically, I'm hired out through them and paid through them by other employers. One thing that sucks about that is it takes me two months to get a paycheck from any given job. But as long as there are big bucks involved, I'm not complaining. Also similar to the process of temp application were the forms I filled out. I had to describe various degrees of capability in sundry sports, languages, and dances, etc., as well as indicate which kind of modeling I would or would not do. I think I'm pretty flexible except on "full nudity."

While I was in the office, I was also offered my first potential job. In a movie. In Japanese.

Um?

We're not talking "extra" here either, I gathered. They asked if I would play a villain(ess). Like catwoman, he said. Except she kills a lot of people.

Hooo-kay.

My contact information was given to the contractor, who will call me to see if the work is a possibility. My guess is that it's an independent, non-mainstream film and nothing huge to worry about but I still wonder if I'd even be able to ATTEMPT to pull off extended film work with classes and everything. In Japanese.

The language wouldn't be that much of a problem, I think, if I were able to see a translation of the meaning for emotional annunciation. My pronounciation is good and given the way that takes are usually done in films, I don't think memorization would be a problem. The real question is, can I act?

I seriously couldn't believe what the staff guy was saying to me. It all seemed so absurd. I'll bet 10 to 1 that it won't pan out though. If it does... I... um.... I dunno... WHEE!! I hope I get to wear a sexy body suit and I don't have to be the stringy, freaky sort of psychopath.

What the hell am I saying!?!?!?!

The whole experience was mega-surreal. Even taking the subway there and walking to the place by myself. I think I caused several accidents today. Seriously. I got more stares than ever before walking around in my trench over my short 1950s-ish dress with white heels. It was almost too warm for the coat... it's still 70 and sunny here... but I feel self-conscious baring my shoulders since Japanese women never do.

I'm glad for the opportunity to work now. It relaxes me a bit, having made even a small attempt. My "english conversation lesson" with the three Japanese is also simple and satisfying. Basically, they want me to tell them about America and ask questions on what they think. For forty dollars an hour. Coo', coo'.

I'm starting to be homesick now that the novelty of Tokyo is ever-so-slightly wearing off. I think most of the lowness is from the dragged-out, sick feeling I've had the last three days. But reading Rachel's last blog entry really made me miss Eugene, my life there, and my friends. Will I ever feel at home there again now that Justin is gone and I'm graduating in a year? I miss the Saturday Market, watching DVDs on our big-ass TV, making dinner for each other, sleeping curled up with Rupert, staying up late on the computer in the same room as Justin, being tired and strung out but oh-so-comfortable. It was a good life.

Eh, well, I can't say I don't like having perspective now. It certainly makes me appreciate all that I had, still have and will have in the future.

At least I'm not as stupid as some of the writers at CNN.com today. For SHAME! FOR SHAME!!!

"Russian television is reporting that the missing man had earlier wondered away from the group."

Please me you can spot that spelling error from a mile away. Before I "wonder" off to do homework, I'm going to eat some chocolate and write Christmas letters. All I really wanna do is watch a movie and go to bed.

love me, love my plush
Hey hey, for all you "plushies" out there- I was just doing some research on unconventional October holidays and discovered by happenstance that today (Tuesday, October 28th) is National Plush Animal Lover's Day. No really, I'm not kidding. So go... celebrate...

or... something... yeah...

um.

yeah.

ded.
Somehow, last night of all nights, when I managed to get into bed BY midnight, I laid half-awake sweating the entire night. I don't think I was sleepless, as I slipped in and out of fever dreams and I can remember more than once feeling rather good but I do know that I didn't sleep heavily, if at all, and looked at the clock at least 10 times in the middle of rolling over.

At the time I went to sleep, I started to cough like I might be getting sick. But a cough drop fixed that and I feel even better NOW than when I went to bed. I wonder if I had a fever and needed to sweat it out? Obviously something was majorly wrong with my temperature regulation last night as it wasn't any warmer in here than usual and my sheets are just SOAKED this morning. Icky.

On the upside, it's raining today (but still the consistant 67-72 degrees that it has been for the last 3 weeks and probably will continue to be forever, I'm convinced) so I don't have to put up with feeling crappy on another sunny day. I hate that. I wonder if I'll eventually die from having just-enough-but-too-little sleep? I kinda hope so. That sounds restful.

unspecial
I've nothing much to say about today aside from that the slight cold I caught is kicking my arse. But I did manage to lift weights during lunch and that made me feel heaps better, at least while the endorphin high lasted. One small thrill is that the guy who runs the gym check-in counter apparently thinks I'm pretty sugoi and told my friend that I'm strong and have "a big muscle." Dood, only one? I'm not sure why... but that guy looks hella familiar too. Since he's a Nihonjin, where could I know him from?

I survived most of performing arts class because the prof was 15 minutes late and spent the remainder of class writing a letter that will probably remain unsent. Am I the only one who does this? Writes things for others knowing perfectly well that they will never see them? What do you do with your unsent letters?

My East Asian Religions class is seriously some perverse form of Asian torture. The prof, while obviously well-educated, seems not to know a thing about how to teach or how to answer the few questions he gets. He has already broken our spirits by lecturing nonsensically about nothing in particular (i.e. random dates and names) and then reading straight from the assigned text at us. Hey, buddy? Not kindergarten, OK?

So I skipped my "circle" (club) meeting (probably dull anyway) to come home here and do homework. I feel like I'm running on empty. I'm lonely and tired and all I want is to held and loved and touched. There is no one here and will never be anyone here who can do that for me. Tokyo is only and instant in my life... it's transient and I can't open my heart for transience. There is already too much in me that is lasting.

Bah. But I bore you with all my emotional drivel. This is probably why I'm uncool and don't have 2 million hits like Big White Guy, a gaijin living in Hong Kong. That and his layout is cooler.

Seriously though... slow day on CNN.com? That blogger site (as cool as it is) and some crap about a world rock, paper, scissors tournament made top headlines. At least the news isn't adding more stress to my life.

Ugh.
No, no, no. I feel like shit. I knew my body would try to force me to stay in bed eventually...

the floating world
I'm beginning to discover what it means to have not yet settled in. It means I alternately have too many choices of what to do and am pushed around (as Rachel says) like a beverage cart to serve everyone with no rest for myself. Even in my "bad times" here thus far, I am still thrilled and able to access the love I have in my heart for everyone back home.

There was so much I took for granted. Just to have something to hold on to. Something stable, something precious and warm. These days are one adventure after another but nothing that lasts and no one to share it with. If anything, it makes me hold on even stronger to the feelings growing in clarity within me.

Right now, I really just feel like dying. If I ever pay $50 to stay up until 3AM again, please kill me. The good news is that my package for family and friends is almost done, save for writing Christmas letters. Hell, I could even do that later if these cards weren't so awesome that I don't feel like trying to send them in the mail.

Going to die. I can't believe it's only 8PM and I still have grocery shopping and homework to do.

I know I've written a lot in the last twenty-four hours. I'd write more about what we did during the lovely fall weather but they say that a picture is worth a thousand... yeah, you know. Here's today in pictures and then I'll shut up:

* Shinjuku towers from my neighborhood.

* Riding lessons with a skyscraper backdrop. Now you don't see that every day.

* One of the gates at Meiji Jingu.

* Yet another wedding. I saw at least two processions while at the shrine and several families there to consecrate the birth or one year birthday of children.

* Countless other adults and children were there dressed in kimono. Check out the shoes on this one.

* These two kids were chasing each other around and around in just their socks. THIS picture really is the shot of the day. I love it. That's what we call a "decisive moment."

* Hundreds of wishes.

* After the quietude of Meiji Jingu, we walked to Harajuku. All the people who say the freaks come out on Sunday aren't lying. They really aren't. They all line up near the station and just sit around waiting for people to take their pictures. I'm glad they're all there to look at but it's sort of sad. Really, haven't they got anything better to do?

* First Japan and soon the world. Sony makes this robot. Fear them.

* Harajuku is home to countless, countless youth shops and boutiques including Condomania, seen here next to a building that says on it, "Love Girls Market." Hm.

* We all took purikura (instant designer photos) in this arcade. The violent bear sign was on the window along with a bazillion other unintelligible things. What the ....??? "Fun Fun" my arse!

good morning
It seems I'm incapable of sleeping any more than seven hours a night lately. I don't think I've gotten over seven hours of sleep for more than five nights since I got here. It's only a matter of time before it catches up to me and I hope that it doesn't do it *right now* since I have a modeling interview on Wednesday and I *really* need to be able to look alive, healthy, and well to get some CA$H. I'm not SO much over budget, but I will be soon. However, between birthday gift money and income from my three part-time jobs, I should be more than fine. :)

First, let me say I fully realize how stupid it was of me to misread "0:35" in military time as 1:35. This should not have happened and for several reasons. Aside from the fact that it is blatantly obvious how "0:35" should be read, my computer clock is ALSO set to military time and I read it every night. However, I'm still not used to seeing schedules and such written in it. I think, really, the biggest reason I was convinced all day that the time was different than it was, was that sometimes you just hear what you want to hear. I swear my host mom confirmed the time I thought it was and I know for a fact that I ran it by my Japanese friend Kumi last night and she didn't do anything to tell me otherwise. Fucking language barrier. Eh.

But, secondly, the fact remains that I feel great. This morning even, after going to bed at 3:30 and waking up at 10AM. My throat feels slightly of sick, but I think if I could fight off the sick when I got her all jet-lagged and immuno-compromized, I can do it now. Today is a beautiful day and I think I'll take it easy emotionally and just let myself be carried along. I have a lot of homework to do, but all of it is reading that requires almost no thinking on my part. Sometime in the next three hours, I'm going out with my family to Meiji Jingu, the biggest Shinto Shrine in all of Tokyo. Despite that I don't really have time, I also feel that I can't stay inside with such gorgeous weather outside so I'm not going to cancel and just suck it up on the whole reading thing. As much as I hate to do it, I can speed-read when neccesary. And hey, the readings don't have to be done until... Tuesday. Hee.

Third, and most importantly, yesterday was a great day. I did a bit of homework in the morning and then, because I didn't sleep much the night before (no surprise), I took a little nap. [Didn't sleep much because I decided to watch MX: Reloaded before I went to bed. That movie is so HOTT.... OMG.... *pant pant* Alex, you're right, too... I can also watch it in Japanese with English subtitles. Died laughing.] After my nap, host mom and I went to the Ginza because I wanted to return to Kyukyodo, a "traditional goods" shop, to pick up a Christmas Present for my grandparents. I am a good samaritan, see?

The long and short is, mom and I had hella fun in the Ginza. Ginza is great because it reminds me so much of America. The streets are wider, the sidewalks are huge, and there are more trees along the boulevards. It's like a Japanese Seattle.

We happened to come along to the main street right in the middle of a parade. Tokyo is right now celebrating the 400th anniversary of the Bakufu, a detail that always amazes me because my own country is little more than two hundred years old and gives me NO sense of tradition, connection or history. This parade literally went on for hours. We'd wander into a shop and come out again on another street, and there it would be. It was really weird, too. Not only were there exhibits(?) of samurai and traditional dance, but a whole lot of people dressed in classic Western/American style dress and doing either mock-military salutes or dances. Very creepy, in a way.

Mostly, we just wandered around aimlessly window-shopping. Mom bought me some seasonal chocolates at the Ginza Godiva in the shapes of an acorn, a walnut and a chestnut. I haven't eaten them yet so I can't brag about how orgasmically delicious they are. Mmmm.... chocolate.

One of the shops we wandered into was a really weird gallery/designer fashion shop in one. Each floor (1-4, 5 and 6 were under construction) was designed as a different type of room and contained various items of unsightly design and prices. Floor one looked like a post-modern jewelry shop; floor-two was like the classic American jeans closet; floor four was decked out like a boudiour and floor five was a shrine to all that is 'Zine. I can't even describe it... the store totally looks like it just fell out of Portland into Tokyo Ginza. Major weird.

The last shop we wandered into was a traditional O-hashi (chopstick) shop, where my host mom bought me some chopsticks. She was convinced they fit my hands a little better when in fact I think the ones I have at home are fine. The sales lady was very curious what I thought of her English sales description of various items and asked me several questions about how I thought she should describe, for instance, the Japanese/Chinese zodiac. After I chatted with her for a while, she gave us both certificates for a free pair of chopsticks from their upstairs shop so we went up to collect. The upstairs shop was much like the downstairs, except that all products were intended for children. Major cute! We browsed around a little after getting our (adult) hashi and then left for the station.

Before I departed to Roppongi, mom took me to FUJIYA, a rather famous dessert and pasta bar on the main street of Ginza. I had a light dinner and dessert and most of mom's cake that she forced on me. Bloat. But then I left on my own, found the club very easily, and danced for four hours straight. The rest, really, [See previous entry] is history.

Revelation
Oh. My. God. What a night. Am I dead or alive? It's 2:15AM and I just got home from the biggest dance club in Asia. [which is saying something even if the club wasn't that big...]

First of all, I can't believe it-- I can dance. And I can dance my ASS off. In fact, I can dance my ass off so much I forget how to understand military time and miss the last subway train. By an hour. And pay $20 for a cab to get my STUPID self home. I guess you live and learn, eh?

I'm not sure whether to laugh or to cry. I had such a fabulous time. It was by all standards, amazing. And so, so, SO worth it. I'll have to back to Velfarre again. My ears are still ringing but I feel GREAT (tired tho) after dancing for four hours straight.

I just... can't believe I misread the train schedule. I mean, I was really surprised this morning to read that the last line home was at 1:35. Which is why, of course, it's NOT actually at 1:35, it's at 12:35. So, sensing my distress at discovering the station to be locked, my sweet cabbie (almost) talked me out of potential tears by chatting me up in Japanese. A real challenge when upset, let me tell you. I couldn't even remember what exit of Shinjuku station I wanted to go to.

Then, when I explained that my home was in fact in Minamidai, Nakano, he refused to let me walk. He kept telling me, oh, you know, it was cold out tonight and that walking wasn't safe because someone might mistake me for a Hostess getting off my shift. I told him I'd walked before and that my side of the station was perfectly safe but he insisted he drive me and said he would stop the meter at Shinjuku station. Thank GOD he did. I watched the meter rise as we drove. I can't BELIEVE how awful traffic was at two in the farking morning. Packed. My total fare would have been over forty dollars had he not decided (without my convincing him) that he didn't want to charge me over twenty. Sweet baby jesus.

And you know, it didn't even occur to me at the time to tip him. Do they even do that here? There's no restaurant tip... so I don't know. I also wonder if maybe he thought I only HAD Y2000 and really didn't expect anything more. Whatever the case, I guess $20 is only $20 in the grand scheme of thing, even though I will without a doubt blow my budget this month.

At the point I decided I wanted to take a cab rather than hang out in Roppongi (which I could have safely done for another 4 hours), I thought it best not to cry over spilled milk. But my god damn milk was spilled pretty much all over the place one I got in the cab and I just wanted to go home. Out of Roppongi. Out of Shinjuku. Out of Japan. All I wanted most of tonight was for someone to hold me or for something to embrace me. I just wanted to be POSESSED... a part of something. That's why I went dancing in the first place... and the only reason I'm OK right now is because I at least found solace in some Trance.

I can't believe how much I danced. Or how long and how hard. I spent the better part of an hour and a half dancing on one of four ladies-only raised platforms while the crowd undulated below. I wore freaking GLOW-STICKS, for god's sake. I barely drank, although the two free-drink coupons were good enough to get the bartender to make me two all-liquor cocktails with some eyelash batting. I just danced. I just let go.

To be quite frank, after no sex for over a month, I needed to let go. I wanted more than to let go... I wanted to be taken up and posessed by something massive and passionate. I don't know if I accomplished the apotheosis I desired, but I accomplished something... some weird camaraderie with the rest of the clubbers by being the only gaijin girl left at 1AM.

My ears are still ringing. I hope that souvenir is enough to be worth the $20 trip home.

O-Baka.

JAPAN
You know, I just realized that there are an awful lot of Asian people here. Japanese, even. What's up with that? Hmm.

More accomplished
Today I:

-Paid my health insurance in full until March. It was less than anticipated.
-Sent three postcards to family and friends.
-Went to the gym for two hours. Realized that I will probably be the only white girl I EVER see in there all year long.
-Bought new stationery. Am becoming addicted to Japanese stickers and stationery because they're so kakko-ii. Gonna have to write me some letters.
-Bought a traditional-style bento box. (Pictures: [1] [2] [3]) I love it with all my little heart. Now, to make bento!
-Collected more goodies for the massive and growing Seattle-bound Christmas package. Santa's packin' big this year.
-Also found out sea-mail costs a lot less than I estimated. Gonna be a cheapsake on the mailing though since I feel better about money spent on gifts. Muahahahaa.
-Dusted my mini desktop shrine. (That's a my Dala horse, Daibutsu, Justin-knight, manenki-neko, mini-neko, money frog, random blue lucky neko and rock from Glacier Park. Weee!)
-Found out the creepy red-cloak shrine is probably a shrine to Jizou Bostatsu, a lesser buddha who protects children (also deceased children/ fetuses, etc), travellers and, uh, firefighters.
-Rented the Matrix reloaded. Opted for that over Two Towers since I am in the mood for eye-candy (not mind-candy) and some HOTT Matrix PIIIIEEEEEEE. mmmMMmMm. [Gonna try hooking up the Laptop to TV for DVD capabilities...]
-Actually refused the invitation to go out with three separate groups of people because I wanted to stay in tonight. Go me!

My, what strange shrines you have...
This is the altar at the small shrine on the way from Waseda campus to Takadanobaba station.






But what is it? Who is the hooded figure? Is it supposed to be as disturbing as I find it?

I don't get it. And, as I have a terrible headache for some reason or other, I am going to bed without another word.

outcome and income
First, the laundry list... then I'll get to our Nikko trip and the photos.

Today was the first day I made more money than I've spent. And that's saying something. I'm pretty sure I'm blowing budget... but maybe I'll be fine after I get this present sent and stop going crazy at every little pack of stickers, keychain, food item, etc I see.

I had my first meeting with my English clients ("clients," hee hee) and was paid only half today since we met for half the time. I ain't complaining. I also met with a Waseda professor about a research assistant position I looked up on a whim and not only was paid Y800 for my time but out of the 25 applicants I was also offered one of the ten research assistant spots. Yay me! Not that I doubted it, however, with my "credentials" and potential for interest in the project.

The professor is focusing on communication pattern differences between Japanese and Americans in particular situations and wants us English speaking folk to do some of her "dirty work." I'm not sure what the exact subject matter is yet, but work will include surveys, field research, roleplay, data compilation and other misc doodling. It's only 25 hours over the next 6 months and total pay is only Y800 an hour but (money is money and) I'm in this for the experience. Such a project might look nice on my resume when and if I ever apply for international travel writing/ ethnography projects or for graduate school. I also figure that it might help me focus my own thesis, as I intend to take Independent Study next term and work on it.

Today I also got my first REAL workout at the gym. Nice, almost up-to-par weight lifting and 30 minutes of cardio. I'm working back up to three times a week. That should keep me feeling top-knotch and give me at least enough self-esteem to even pursue modeling.

By the way... a total non-sequitor... Did you know that there aren't any squirrels in Japan? Well, there are... but it's really rare to see one in the "wild." My host mom told me she's never seen one except at the Zoo. A squirrel. In a ZOO- wha- what'th? A ZOO for Chrissakes! I guess I'm special; I saw TWO at Kamakura! Flirting, even. Probably about to make babies or something. I wondered why everyone was taking pictures of them.

I've also decided that, officially, Totoro is my favorite thing ever. EVER. .. . . . ..Eh-VUH-ER. Better than no squirrels.

So. On to NIKKO. No, not "neko" (meow), Nikko... the awesome place.

Nikko is definitely the most beautiful place in Japan that I have been to thus far. Despite that I have many complaints regarding the logistics of bus tours such as the one we all took, I really enjoyed myself. I would have liked to stay longer though, like overnight, and have had a chance to explore on my own pace rather than in-and-out, back-to-the-bus like we did. We were gone all day (from 8:45 to 7:15) and still barely saw anything.

Up in the mountains, the air is pure and cold and the trees are already turning. It smelled like fall, REAL fall.. the kind they have in places where there are actually FOUR SEASONS and not some sad, rainy excuse for winter like we have at home in the Pacific Northwest. It was pure autumn in Nikko. We drove through the hills on a series of hairpin turns that surely would have made me ill except that I was on a tall bus. I don't know how those drivers manage. I snapped as many photos as I could out the window while we switchbacked from one direction to the other.

Nikko is famous for many things: Yuba, Lake Chuzenji, Kegon Falls, the Toshogu shrine buildings, excellent viewing of autumn colors and monkeys. Yes, monkeys. The crazy monkeys who soak in hot springs and steal your belongings when you aren't looking. I saw all of these things, even if only briefly. The monkeys I saw in passing through the camera lens when I looked out the window as the tour guide began excitedly shouting about "Saru! Saru!". There they were, three of them... sitting along the rock ledge showing themselves off in the morning sun. Three of them sitting there, just like the "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" carving that the Toshogu shrine made famous. Yep. That's where it's from! Crazy monkeys.










After the bus ride through the hills, we arrived at Kegon Falls for a brief viewing of the highest waterfall in Japan and some shopping. My host family seem to like living vicariously through my photographs and omiyage (souvenir gifts) from the various locations I visit, so they've taken to giving me Y2000 or so to buy them local specialities from our tour locations. This time they specifically requested Yuba, a tofu skin product that is used in traditional soups and other foods. I picked up some yuba, along with chocolate mochi-like-stuff and some strawberry crisps.

We ate lunch at a hotel along the side of Chuzenji lake and were treated to a lovely traditional bento. I was pretty pissed to see the less adventurous of the grop had left some of the more traditional delicacies on their plates. Why do people refuse to even try?

After lunch, I picked up a few small gifts at the hotel shop. Because it was such a nice hotel, I was more than a little amused to discover this pin among the things for sale. Of course, I had to buy it and sport it. It's a steaming pile of poo, after all. Just so happy to have a fly on it. That's right. Poo. Poop. Doodie-doo. Hm.

All too soon, we were shoved back onto the bus to go to the shrines. I wanted to stay in Nikko and wander the streets to discover the feeling of the town and the people there. But a bus tour is more about quickly "seeing" the sights rather than actually SEEING a place. As much as I like not having to think too much or work to hard to get someplace as neat as Nikko, I actually got rather stressed by the lack of time we had to explore.

The Toshogu shrine complex is a Japanese National Treasure. It's an amazingly HUGE complex of shrines, all dating back to the Tokugawa Era. One of the buildings entombs the remains of Shogun Tokugawa Ieasu.

The artistry in the complex is absolutely fantastic. Each of the buildings is filled with carvings, paintings and engravings of hundreds of animalsin all shapes and colors. The gateway into Ieasu's tomb is topped with a famous carving of a sleeping cat, the Nemuri Neko. I'm not sure why this small cat is so famous. It's supposed to look incredibly real or something but I think it just looks tired. It makes me sad to see that the paint is chipping.

In another building, the painting of a large dragon adorns the ceiling. It is said that the noise made by clapping two blocks of wood together in this room is reminiscent of the cry of the Japanese dragon. As we entered, a monk was clapping together blocks that made a tremendous sound not unlike the screech of a hawk. I don't know if I heard a dragon's roar in that sound but it certainly made my brain ring with a spiritual clarity unlike any sound I've ever heard before.

Again, I resent being pushed through the temples at record speed and had only time to either look briefly or take pictures and not really do both things without being left behind. Really, I had only the chance to take photos and didn't experience much of the feeling of the place for myself. And I still found myself often lagging behind the group. Bah.

Most of the pictures I took are listed in this directory. They are all "outside" pictures for two reasons. First, the light was extremely bad, as we were viewing the shrines after 3PM and secondly, many buildings did not allow photography inside either for religious reasons, artifact preservation or pure stinginess.

After the tour of the shines, we had a few minutes of free time for exploration. Most of my time was wasted spent listening to an impromptu history lesson by Dr. Goble (one of our program coordinators). While I would have rather been walking, Dr. Goble's rendition of the Tokugawa Shogunate's family problems and the origin of the Toshogu shrine was absolutely, without a doubt, the most memorable and side-splittingly funny history lesson I have ever heard.

In the failing light, we left the cold fall air and headed back to Tokyo in a line of traffic. All the way back, as the way there, I talked off poor Colin's ear about how good I was feeling and gave him all the details of my internal optimism. I know for sure now that I'll have to find a way back to the countryside and the mountains, even while it's still fall if at all possible. Autumn is my favorite season and I don't think I've ever felt an autum quite as pure and as fresh as the fall air in Nikko.

By the way, Tokyo rest areas are even cooler than Canada's rest areas. They not only have bathrooms and restaurants (more than one restaurant even) but they're also grocery and omiyage shops. The one we stopped at on the way out had a huge clutch chickens and a tremendous rabbit warren built into the side of a hill for some reason. The one on the way back had all the omiyage from Nikko that you may have (oops!) forgotten to buy while you were there. US rest stops pale in comparison.

National Geographic Traveler

Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2003 9:31 AM
Subject: National Geographic Traveler Announces College Essay Contest


National Geographic Traveler On Campus presents "Experience of a Lifetime" student writing contest. Win a mystery trip!

National Geographic Traveler On Campus magazine is asking for your help in spreading the word about our "Experience of a Lifetime" writing contest. We'll publish the grand-prize winner's essay and send the writer on a trip to a mystery destination. Two runners-up will each win $500. Any active college student who is a legal resident of the United States can enter a 500-word essay about a travel experience that moved, excited, or surprised him or her.

The deadline for entries is November 1, 2003.

...

Could I? Should I? Am I even a US resident right now? Would my trip to Japan count since I just got here?

z e n b l i s s
It's nice to be "separate but equal" here. As an outsider, I not only gain a unique perspective on the Japanese culture but also on myself. This trip is tuning me not only externally but also internally. In my moments of introspection, I've discovered that I have several irritating and rather irrisolvable personality traits that cause me no end of problems:

1) I'm the sort of person who tries to be everything and everyone to everyone else. I want to do everything, see everything, try everything and please everyone. And though my intentions are good and I seek adventure wisely, I simply cannot walk all roads at once. When I try to be everyone and everything, I stray so far from my true self that I become lost. I must remember not to try to please everyone all the time because it simply makes me too stressed. I have to find a place and a medium that is my own.

2) I take everything very slowly. I am the sort of person who wants to do everything but does everything very meticulously and with eyes open to learn anything I can. I sightsee slowly... I study slowly... I make friends slowly. I need to take things at my own pace and therefore find interaction in large groups very difficult and often discover that I have no time left in the day after taking daily tasks at my own "slow" pace. There simply are not enough hours, days, months and years for a leisurely adventurer.

3) As a result of both of these dilemmas, I have definite trouble making decisions or deciding amongs multiple commitments.Every day, my life is plagued by problems of division. I wrack my mind stressfully over the smallest things. Where will I go? What shall I buy? Should I spend money to eat out with friends? Should I study? Should I socialize? Each decision rips me apart since I feel the need to do everything but am unable to finish even the smallest tasks because of my slow pace. I want to walk all roads at once to see everything from both sides of the scale. Unfortunately, this is also impossible and attempting it has left me my entire life a bit of a divided soul (but probably an interesting person to talk to).

Being in Japan has exacerbated the difficulty I have with both large groups and making choices that are true to myself rather than for the satisfaction of other people. Fortunately, however, it is helping resolve (or at least clarify) the third and largest problem. I can't live my whole life divided among multiple paths with feet and hands clutching at each, never making a solid decision until I am sure. Now that I'm here, I'm separated from the banal existence that embued me with apathy in Eugene and free to think more liberally about my present existence and future choices. Being far from the people, places and lifestyle choices that confuse me has been immensely clarifying already, even though I've only had about two weeks of mentally "clear" time to consider the consequences of my time abroad.

Over the last two weeks I have grown in ways that I never could have considered. I know that my closest confidantes, friends and lover at home are also learning about themselves in my absence. I speak for myself when I say this, but the self-discoveries I am making, while yet only clarfying obvious dilemmas and emotions, have lifted so many curtains from my mind that I can already see myself so much better from the "outside" than I have ever been able to before.

Just being here has already given me so much hope and optimism for my future. Despite huge amounts of loan debt and despite everyday obligation and necessity, the world will remain an incredible and amazing place if only I can open my eyes to it. I have gained so much faith in people... even though most foreigners here, especially my CIE classmates, annoy me moreso than at home while in large groups. And I'm trying to attempt to face and embrace matters of the heart without lying to myself or feeling guilty and ashamed about any doubts and problems I might contemplate.

I often find myself thinking of love and about how I want to proceed with my relationship(s) back home. I'm wondering about the meaning of my inability to give of myself completely intellectually, conversationally and emotionally to Justin despite my desire to stay with him. And, of course, I think a lot about the the rather ironic division between Justin, Alex and I which is probably at the root of all these problems. While I hope to have some new insight about resolving this triangle by year's end, I've so far only opened my eyes to the things that were previously clouded by proximity. While I relish the drama, intensity, complexity and insight that our tangled relationship provides, I don't think I can spend the rest of my life divided, unable to give of myself in all ways to one person. I need to take my feet out of these doors and step forward. I need to find a way to become whole.

Right now, being apart from everything and everyone has lifted all regret, anger and negativity from my heart. I don't have to deal with the potentially monumental consequences of day-to-day interpersonal interactions. I hold everyone in only the warmest regards. And with this uncomplicated and positive feeling towards people back home, I can open myself up to new resolutions. I can see options here that I may never have seen firsthand in America. I feel unafraid to express the sentiments I am learning in my solitude. So, with an open mind and an open heart, I find myself filled with love for everything and everyone.

At least once a day, in my moments of solitude while in transit, I find myself transfixed with the beauty of this city, the wonder of my life and amazement at the world, often on the verge of tears. I literally have NO IDEA where I will go from here. I can see four or more roads stretched out, open and clear before me. Which will I take? Of course, these roads were always there and I was always aware of them but now I'm able to see the "big picture" rather than focusing on small details. When I return to the immediacy and obligation of America, I know things will become both heavier and more complicated but I hope to have some better idea of where I am going by then. Maybe, for once life will make the decision for me and I will be both relieved AND satisfied.

I know one simple thing for a fact now already. Japan is an amazing, beautiful, wonderous place filled with kind (if impersonal) people, incredible scenery, wacky non-sequitors and yummy food... and there is NO WAY I will ever, ever, ever have enough time during this year, even WITH a seven-week break, to do everything that I want to do. I will have to come back. I WILL be back to Japan again to travel and perhaps to live for an extended period. This year I must focus on learning the language and breaking down barriers into understanding. In the future I will have time to see the hundreds places that are still hidden to me and to ask the bajillions of questions that have yet to be answered.

Even now, with routine and obligation, there is so much to see and so much to do all around me and so much I desperately want to see and to do. Yet I am unbelievably, blissfully happy.

Music has meaning again.

I have remembed youthful fascination.

I remember what it is like to, every day (even if now between stressors), fall in love with a little piece of the world.

So, Tokyo... Nara... Kyoto... Nikko... Hokkaido... Sapporo... Okinawa.... I promise you that I am, in a way, here to stay. Right now, I don't think I could ask for a better place to be.


[Tomorrow: All about our Nikko trip...]

Customer Service
I have a lot to write today in lieu of not writing much for the last two days. But since I have to get up at 6AM tomorrow and it's already 10:30, I should probably curb my blabbermouth rather than blather on as usual. I think I can concisely say a few things though.

After getting a *decent* night's sleep the last two days, I've been feeling less stressed. Granted, I still don't have any "me" time, but I'm usually too busy enjoying myself to care. It's only when I get really tired (like now) that I become frustrated. This week, even if busy, will be refreshing because I only had today's classes and Friday's Japanese class left to attend. It works out nicely because last week MONDAY was a holiday so this week I'm only attending the remainder of last week's classes plus Friday's inconsequential Japanese class. Whee!

I'd like to say I get those three days off this week but, of course, I don't. Tomorrow the Oregon group is going to Nikko, a mountain town, to sightsee. Thursday I may go job seeking at modeling agencies or perhaps get together with a fellow photographer to do some portfolio shots.

Wednesday. Now, Wednesday I've scored me a tiny part-time job. A friend hooked me up with a group of older Japanese who want to practice conversational english once a week. We meet on campus at a cafe and chat for an hour. They are three much older Japanese, a man and two women between the ages of 50 and 70. I think it will be a fun learning experience and it pays rather well... Forty dollars for one hour. On top of that, Wednesday I will be meeting with a Waseda professor who is conducting a research project to study cultural interaction between Japanese and English speaking people. The pay and hours aren't great at all ($8/hr and ~25 hours over 3-6 months) but I think that for the small amount of time it requires, it might be worth the effort to participate for the sake of experience. And really, two hundred dollars is two hundred dollars regardless.

But gosh, I do hope my fat self can get at least one or two modeling gigs to pay the rest of my prospective traveling expenses. That's all I need. Just one or two gigs. I can't give up on it before I start... even if I do have back fat and I'm not the "perfect anorexic" the agencies seem to want. BAH. Wednesday I AM getting to the gym.

Anyway, I digress. Today I want to chat a bit about Japanese Business Etiquette and how different it seems than American Business Etiquette.

For one thing, whenever you enter pretty much ANY Japanese business, you are greeted by the staff with a shout of "Irrashai!" ("welcome") When I say ANY business I mean businesses including quick-e-marts, bars, gas stations, whatever. As an American, I never know quite how to respond. Properly, there is no response but I feel that when spoken to I should at least acknowledge the speaker. It's also rather intimidated to be shouted at from numerous directions by numerous employees in large shops and repeatedly assaulted with "IRRA-SHAIIII" from the more exuberant market-type employees. I feel as if they're trying to pound me into buying something.

Secondly, it's interesting to note that in Japanese shops, a customer is always referred to as "okyakusama" (honorable customer) rather than "you." In Japanese, it is extremely rare to refer to another person as "you" (anata) rather than using a title, first name or family name. In shops it is no different.

Despite the crazy city, crowded sidewalks and psychotic bicyclists, Tokyo's trains are always running on time. If, for some reason (suicide, earthquake, mechanical difficulties), your train is late, the station workers will write you an excuse note to take to work/school. If only my bus did the same.

Even service vehicles like taxis and tour busses are made fancy for the honorable customer. Taxis seats are adorned with grotesque doily seat covers. Sunday our bus to kawagoe not only had seat doilies but also had two variety of light fixtures resembling chandeliers and rainbow ceiling lighting. POSH. If you come to Tokyo and are planning on traveling by taxi cab, you should also be aware that you do not open the door for yourself. Taxi doors open and close automatically. To touch them is probably considered rude and stupid on about 50 levels. I bet it happens all the time.

So you see all that I'm learning here in Tokyo? It's such a fun place. Overwhelming, but ecstatically fun. I'm not really homesick except for missing greenery and the company of friends to share these experiences with.

While I may not have any "free" time, I do find that I have enough time every day to realize how happy I am to be here. While I do feel as if my speaking Japanese has hit a wall (especially since we're not learning anything new in class), my vocabulary and kanji are improving. Most of all, however, my listening is improving every day. I understand great quantities of spoken Japanese. I guess my own speaking will come on its own. I've repeatedly been told by my host family and Japanese classmates that I've already improved... but I really can't hear it. If anything, I think I've become very good at things I had already learned but couldn't use at all. In this respect, I'm becoming much more fluent but am consciously unaware of the changes since the curriculum is still review.

As time goes on and we begin to learn more difficult things, I'm sure the language will make more sense.

Oh! I almost forgot something crucially important! One great thing about living in Tokyo is that you're close to everything almost everywhere. Restaurants, convenience stores, post offices, liquor stores, whatever. In my neighborhood, you name it, we got it. Within 10 minutes walking distance. Within 25 minutes walking distance there is at least 10 of everything. No diggity.

So I noticed that there are a few video rental places around here and even that one of them appeared to offer CDs. That's right, in Japan it's kosher to rent CDs. And copy them. Artists recieve royalties per rental so any MP3 ripping you do on your Y100 to Y300 rental is absolutely OK.

On a whim today I filled out an application for an account (such simple Japanese there!) and rented/ ripped my first CD. I would have rented Two Towers but all the videos and DVDs were out. Alas! On top of that, I discovered LimeWire, a Kazaa alternative for the Mac. So far I actually like to better. (Go figure, it's for mac and uses Gnutella... Unix roxxors) SOOOOO.... in a matter of weeks I will be a master of J-POP. Karaoke, here I come!

DONDON!
Big family party tonight. Host brother and fiancee came over, as well as my 21-year old (host) cousin. Was served piles and piles of sushi for the third time in a month. Ahhh... it's good to be in Japan.

Today was stressful because It's beginning to wear on me that I can never get done what I want to get done because I feel that I'm being pressured into doing one thing or another with/ for other people. When I can't even get my errands or studying done, I'm left with NO personal time. My nerves are fraying a bit.

I hope my schedule gets better after this week or I might go insane.

OH GOOD GOD, I just found an series of Slate articles composed last week stereotyping Tokyo. You MUST read them. They're all absolutely true. Every single one. I laughed, I cried... I... well, I laughed my ass off. Warning to the weak though, he does cover "hentai" and animated porn in the Tuesday article.

o.O
Many international students took a trip to Kawagoe yesterday. Kawagoe was a really, really neat place... especially the rows of candy shops. I was going to write about it, but I just ain't feeling the blogging love right now. I'm stressed from being so busy. I just want a few nights of a solid 8 hours sleep and a day or two of JUST me time. NOT time to study, NOT time to be with friends, NOT time to go on organized trips... just ME time. I keep forgetting that studying, socializing and sightseeing are not privately restful things, even if they are enriching. I'd like to get all caught up with my language study so I can stop feeling so linguistically constipated and move onto other things. What I'd REALLY like is some time to explore the neighborhood here.

We have a break this week on Tuesday and Thursday. Since I have no class on Weds, that means three days with no class for me. Sounds like a long vacation but not so much. Tuesday is another organized trip, this one to Nikko. Of course I'm going, even though it means getting up early. Wednesday, even though I have no class, I'll come to campus to go to the gym. I also have a potential english conversation lesson ($30/ hour) starting this Wednesday. Thursday, finally, thank God, I have no plans. Friday I'm going to try to go to the gym again after class. I guess I'm working my way up to 3x a week again since I did better this week even after just the once. I want to go tomorrow but it looks like it won't happen since I have a Q and A session with my English lesson clients during the time that I would go.

Anyway, I should make the best of my time by not writing more, so instead I'll just say...



BOOGA BOOGA!

Lost in Translation
Does anyone know if and WHERE I can find this movie IN TOKYO??? Anyone want to rip me a copy and mail it Global Priority?? I must see it!!!

flurry
Let's see...
today was
-beautiful fall weather
-class till noon
-reimbursement from Sato-san
-errands in which that reimbursement was spent
-1 hour weightlifting at the gym
-more errands
-home to shower
-out to "welcome party" for internatioinal club at "grilled meat" place
-went to karaoke for an hour... sang only one song, Journey's "Living on a Prayer." Hell yea.
-Must sleep now. Tomorrow Kawagoe so have to get up at 6:30.

Birthday blog
This morning on the way to class, I stopped at the small roadside shrine near campus, tossed in a 5-yen coin, shook the rope, and asked for good luck from the Gods. I figured since it's my birthday-not-birthday, seeking some protection would be a good idea.

Birthdays here seem pretty similar to those in the states, bearing in mind that I'm not actually Japanese. After yesterday's outing festivities, today was somewhat tamer. I was surprised by any number of things, though. First and foremost was how many people wished me happy birthday and were both generally nice to me and serious about trying to form a party for my very own birthday. You see, some other girl is having her 20th celebration tomorrow and I have other plans, so a makeshift "crew" has formed to create a get-together on Saturday after we get back from Kawagoe. Just for me!!! Hell, I didn't know that this many people liked me until today. I guess I just fly below the radar most of the time. One girl (she's a real sweetie) even left me a little keychain/ cell-phone dingle-dangle in my mailbox as a gift!

My host family has been genuinely kind and obliging to me as well. Every day I am SO grateful that they let me stay with them. As dubious as I was at first, and as cautious as I still am now, I know that they are good people. I was so fearful and so CONVINCED that I would be stuck with a miserable family that it never even occurred to me that I might LOVE them. Now it really brings tears of gladness to my eyes to think that these strangers would let me into their home and make me part of their family. If only I knew how to say it to them!

But no, really, you may think I'm lying but I'm not. My family is so kind and so understanding that now I'm the one who listens sympathetically to other people who are worried about misunderstandings and conflicts with their families. I do feel guilty being so busy but my family is also busy so I know they understand.

Today both my mom and my sis gave me nice presents. Ayumi san gave me a small, soft, white terrycloth bear with a bell on its ear and a bit of nice hand cream. She also handmade a banana/ chocolate creme pie to go with my dinner, of which I ate about half. (Lookame, the fatass!) =D =D

After dinner, mom gave me a pot full of bamboo arranged in three concentric and progressively taller and smaller circles. Apparently it's meaning is "luck in money" and is supposed to guarantee that I'll be a millionaire. Ironically, she then turned on the TV and what should be on but the Japanese version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire! And you know what? When the questions aren't about Japanese authors/ history and provided I can read the kanji, I can STILL answer the stupidly easy things. Beh. I should be a millionaire! I'll have to make sure to love my bamboo nicely, as having plants in my room makes me insanely happy. Did I mention that I miss my 26 plants from home? Yeah, I had that many.

For dinner, they served me tuna and shiitake mushrooms over a bed of lettuce with carrots and green beans (the most "american" veggies I've had so far). On the side I had a bowl of cool edamame (soybean pods) and, of course, miso soup. Tonight's surprise was ... dun dun DAAAA... NATTO!! My mom and my sis love it and because I'd expressed some interest in trying it, despite that I've never before liked it, she decided to give it to me on my birthday to see if I liked it. Talk about PRESSURE.

Natto, in case you don't know, is fermented soybeans that curdle into a sort of stringy paste. You mix it with rice and can add things like green onions, seaweed and egg to it. The first few bites of natto weren't bad, but I can't stomache so much of it. It's not that it tastes BAD or that the texture is AWFUL but it just isn't GOOD. The taste of natto is rather neutral and the texture is sort of grainy. What makes natto unpalatable is the strong STENCH of ferment and the slimy strings that stretch off of it and get all over hands, face and table. Can't do much about that to make it more edible. I did, however, manage to eat like half a bowl of rice mixed with natto before my gag reflex forced me to quit. I had to keep going though; my mom was practically orgasmic with glee that I was eating it. And natto is really good for you! It has active cultures, just like yoghurt!

I prefer my cultures to be a little LESS active, thanks. Bleahhh. I can eat Uni, I can eat Salmon Roe ... I can eat the weird pickles and the fish byproduct (in limited quantities), I can even eat raw egg and oysters. But keep the natto for the true Japanese, thanks.

Ahh, anyway. Today, as a present to myself I'm going to try to go to bed BEFORE midnight. At this rate, that WON'T happen but I'll try. The rest of the day I spent running errands all over town. I went to the post office and got a big box for the christmas gifts, bought some more presents for family, picked up some school supplies and had an adventure trying to find various personal products (hair spray, deoderant, astringent, cotton balls, tampons, disposable razors) in a Yakyoku (pharmacy). I spent a good deal of money but I should be within budget still. Even though today was a lot of errand-running and buying gifts for OTHER people, I think that it was the perfect way to spend a birthday. Especially the gift-buying. It makes me happy to think that I can send a bit of JAPAN back home. : )

Japan is starting to seem "familiar" in a home-like way. It's still novel but it isn't strange in the way that it was when I first got here. I feel comfortable walking down the street, even if strange things happen quite often. For example, on the way back to the station from campus today, some foreign guy (arabic?) looked at me, pulled down his expensive shades a-la Top Gun and winked at me point blank. How classic. As soon as he passed I started laughing.

Now that the seasons are turning, I feel much more comfortable and easygoing but also more nostalgic. What I wouldn't give for the company of good friends, the presence of a familiar face and the conversation of a confidante. I want someone with whom to spend these moments. I think I'm learning to rely more on myself again for the moment-to-moment affirmations though. That right there is worth the trip.

It seems like just yesterday that I was having my 20th birthday bash in the Chase Village apartment. God, that makes me nostalgic. That party was such a turning point for so many things. One crazy night to wake up from the next morning. And after that, one crazy year with new and old friends. Every day was a good day, even the bad ones. I never could have known where I would be today. I'm glad I can't see the future after all.

21
Happy birthday to meeeeee, in a foreign countryyyyy.....

La da deee dee dee deee deeee DEEE

DEEE

DE

DEEE

DEEEEEEEEE....

Actually, I think my birthday isn't really until, you know, tomorrow... since it's still the 15th in the states. Weird.

skip to the loo
Today I thought a bit more about Tokyo and anime. I realized that if you were to animate any city, Seattle included, in the proper style, it would become a mythical place like Tokyo. Sure, Japan is weird, but so is every major city in its own way. What anime has done is create a certain mysticism about Tokyo when it is, in fact, a normal, real place. However, there are still certain images or places that really capture what I feel is the "Tokyo" I am looking for. The Tokyo I want to see may not be any more real than the Tokyo anyone else wants to see but it is there if I look for it. Once I learn what to look for, a new world is here for my eyes only.

As of today, I am now officially a registered alien in Japan. This means I can live here as long as my visa permits and as long as I renew my status by 2007. It's like... I actually live here now!

My mommy took me to the government office and then into Shinjuku to buy new bus and rail passes as well as open a bank account. She tells me that the women she was standing next to on the train were whispering about me behind their hands, saying things about how tall I am, how blonde I am, and how long my legs are. I was totally flattered. All of the errands were remarkably easy except that the clerk at the Japan Rail station took a few tries to get right what I wanted. However, I now realize that it's very easy for me to communicate with service personnel on a day to day basis, which is definitely and improvement over before.

As far as language goes, I don't think I've ADVANCED at all (except for some useful and previously unknown expressions and words) but I certainly know what I'd learned before a million times better.

After getting the rail and bus cards, I got a bank account for potential paychecks. I figure I could use about $2,000 to travel. More would be nice but I think that would suffice. It seems like a lot but if I think about it, it's only a sixth of what I make yearly working part time in Oregon. I think I can do it here, especially with how much gaijin work pays (typically over $20/hour and usually $30+ an hour) and how often I have holidays.

After we ran errands, mom and I met Ayumi (host sister) for lunch at a sushi restaurant in Lumine department store. You know I love Toyoda sushi in Seattle, but this place was the best sushi I've ever eaten. Some of it was on par with Toyoda's but the anago (sea eel) and toro (fatty tuna) nigiri I ate today were positively heavenly. The sushi was a "birthday lunch" and they bought me so much I could hardly believe it. Both of them love sushi too, so they were quite happy to indulge.

Afterwards, we all went sightseeing together. On our way to Ginza, the upscale shopping district, we stopped at Hibiya park. Hibiya park is such a wide-open, well-kept place that my impression of Tokyo as entirely enclosed was immediately swept away. However, there is a reason that Hibiya park is an exception to the general rule as it is the location of the emperor's residence. We looked around a bit but the gates to the inner area were closed and are closed every day except on the emperor's birthday and New Year's day.

Ginza was reminiscent of Seattle. Upscale but not as much as I expected. I rather liked the place and I think I'll take myself back there solo to window-shop.

After Ginza, we all took the subway to Roppongi to tour Roppongi Hills, a new housing and shopping area. While we were riding the subway it suddenly stopped in between stations, shook slightly and then stood still. The train backed up five feet before proceeding slowly and stopping again. As soon as it backed up, everyone knew that something was quite... off. I thought perhaps someone had jumped in front of the train but the conductor came on the line and announced that because there had just been a minor quake, the train had stopped automatically. It being Tokyo and all, we proceeded as planned and nothing seemed amiss afterwards.

According to my host mom, there are small quakes once or twice a month in Tokyo. Well, there's been three in the last month but I don't think that's non-standard. I've only noticed this one.

We went to Roppongi for the express purpose of touring Roppongi Hills, a majorly upscale apartment, business and shopping complex.




I believe tickets were something ludicrous like $20 for the organized tour. They gave us badges and little headsets so we could hear the guide better. For me, hearing the guide better really meant having an earful of Japanese gibberish. But really, I'm used to hearing Japanese all the time now. Any other language startles me. Even if I can't understand Japanese conversation, the language as background noise seems perfectly normal.

Roppongi Hills was disgustingly affluent. Disgusting in a way that made me happy and sad at the same time. Even moreso than the part of Ginza that I saw, surprisingly. Rather than making me feel repulsed, however, it just reinforced in me the growing wish that I could have an unlimited supply of money while here. I want to be well-groomed and well-dressed instead of "casually american." I want nice hair and nice shoes and a nice bag.

< rant >

Oh god, the BAGS. That, as with "pointy shoes," is a major fad here. Everyone wants designer bags. Some of them are pretty cool, as well as practical... but... they're friggin bags, people. Need you pay upwards of $500 for a purse? Last week I kept noticing that I saw one particular patterned bag everywhere. I also saw someone with a magazine in the train advertising the same line. Then at school one of my classmates was ranting about Louis Vuitton. Yeah. I knew why I was seeing the bag everywhere. Everyone wants Louis Vuitton. Everyone. I see two or three people in the train with Louis Vuitton every time I get on. A girl from Oregon paid NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS for a knapsack sized leather bag after she got here. She could have gotten the same bag in the states for hundreds less.

Did I mention that the bag is ugly? Yeah, UGLY. The pattern itself isn't that garish if you only catch it out of the corner of your eye. But... just LOOK at it. And while you're at it, make sure you hate on J-Lo. J-Lo with the ugly bag. WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?!?!!

< /rant >

My point is, it's totally ri-cock-ulous. Like I said, Japan is an even worse consumer nation than America. Money is the new God here. Some of the stores I saw today made my eyes almost roll back in my head and my brain turn to froth at the thought of being able to afford anything there. I even saw a store called "WHITE TRASH CHARMS" that sells, you guessed it, jewelry. But I someday want to be a well-made woman. To dress in Chanel and Anne Klien and always have fluffy hair and nice skin. To be able to afford the foot-care to counter the evil, awesome shoes. I have expensive tastes. *shudder*

So the tour consisted mostly of walking about this yuppie suburbia (worth $20?) but also allowed us a trip to the 52nd floor of the adjacent building to look out at the Tokyo skyline at night. Really, the city doesn't seem so BIG... it just goes on forever. I think that's why it makes me claustrophobic. It's the sense that I just can't get out. In a way, however, I enjoy it. I placed my hand on one of the window struts and for a moment I thought I could really feel the life and energy of the city. It felt, for the first time, like an actually human place. I looked out and I could feel the people everywhere laughing, talking, loving. It made me happy.

I think I'm beginning to see the Tokyo I want to see.

I'm also becoming convinced that if some of those ugly gaijin ho's in the yuppie department store billboards can model, so can I. Except that they're probably already world famous and I, unfortunately, have thighs instead of chicken bones. I guess we'll see!

Today I had a really great time with my host family. From time to time, we didn't say anything at all or I felt overwhelmed by the language barrier but for the most part, everyone was extremely relaxed. It was a great birthday present to be treated to so much sushi and awesome sightseeing. I'm really quite happy.

There were occasions today that I wished I had someone close to me here to share the discoveries I am making. I'd like someone to laugh with me at the incongruities I see rather than having to keep them inside because I don't know how to express myself. Everything that I would normally pour out is now kept inside because I'm either self-conscious or mute. I am turning inwards again.

All the introspection leads me to collect the things I discover and write them here... hence the immense volumes of writing currently. Probably as I find closer friends and such, I won't write here as much but for now, as I find things that amuse me, I need to file them somewhere so my head doesn't explode.

Two of the largest cultural juxtapositions (incongruities? oxymorons?) I've seen since I got here have to do with Japanese bathrooms. First, because Japan is such a technologically-advanced, clean country, you might expect that Tokyo public restrooms would have, maybe, some form of paper towel or hand dryers in them, yes? Nearly universally no. Some restaurant and department store bathrooms have hand dryers or towels but even then it's a rare occurrence. Everyone is simply expected to carry a hand towel. After a week of cursing about it, I bought one but then discovered that it involves, for example, remembering to take my towl or bag with me when I need to go to the bathroom during class. Not so common a rememberance. Then I discovered that most Japanese people, in fact, either wipe their wet hands on their pants or just don't wash at all. SO MUCH FOR BEING CLEAN!! What REALLY gets my goat is that in the Waseda bathrooms, there's a sign on the mirror that reads, in Japanese and English, "Please protect our environment and refrain from using toilet paper to dry your hands." Hey, a-holes, how about installing a dryer or something so that you wouldn't have that PROBLEM, eh? EH?

The second and more insane contrast is that between western and japanese-style toilets. The restrooms with both toilets are the kind I find particularly amusing. If you've never seen a Japanese toilet before, this is what they look like. Yeah. You face toward the rim, pull down your pants and squat. It's actually pretty easy to do your business that way, provided you don't spray everywhere.

Now we have the flip side. Western toilets in Japan are a sight to see. Some of them, anyway. Many are "normal." I actually prefer the normal toilets. I do NOT need a toilet that makes white noise so I can "grunt and push" or that sprays my beday with warm water and deoderant. Actually, the heated seats are pretty nice... but... COME ON.

In the bathrooms that have both, I find it most interesting to watch which sort of people choose Western over Japanese toilets and vice versa when there is the option. I haven't found any distinguishable pattern yet but that's probably because in such bathrooms (as everywhere in Japan), there is usually a wait for a loo and people just go to the next open one.

I'm one for a western toilet, thanks. I'll eat sushi but I don't enjoy cramping my thighs over taking a pee.

Aside from occasional breaks into the absurd or the frustrating, life is becoming much more organized and normal here. I wish I didn't have so many little things to remember though. It seems as though after a year here I'll only have become more accomplished at the things I already know instead of learning anything new.

Ahh, what I wouldn't give to feel relaxed sometime soon. I hope all this hectic nonsense calms down soon because otherwise I might go nuts. Here's my schedule until Monday.

Thurs: Class, sort out business matters, go to park for school assignment, shop for personal items, study

Friday: Morning class, go to gym, return to campus for drinking party

Saturday: Early morning trip to Kawagoe by bus. Return around 6PM. Study.

Sunday: "Food Festival" on campus. Helping sell food to Waseda alumns. Sort of a party with the Waseda International Club people. Go home. Have family dinner since host bro is coming home. Study.

Rinse. Repeat.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday next week I have no class. Tuesday is another day trip; this one to Nikko by bus. I'm excited but what I really want is a REAL day off.

And I still haven't studied tonight. ACK!!

MAIL
A note on parcel post here for friends and family:

It costs about twice as much to ship a package in Japan as it does in the US. In the US it costs about $50 to ship 10lbs by air mail, so here it's about $100. For the same weight, Sea-mail is $40. So that's why I won't be sending you gifts all the time. ; ) If anyone comes to visit me, they'd better bring an extra suitcase because it's cheaper to send presents back that way!

it's my party...
In a few days I'll have been here for one month. That means eight more to go. ONLY eight. I find this slightly disturbing because I KNOW that in eight months I'll have just settled in here, right in time to pack up and go home to culture shock all over again. I already love where I live and the hectic spacticity that is my schedule (for the most part). I just don't think eight months will be long enough. Just long enough for me to go broke, probably. If I had all the money in the world I'd stay here much longer.

In a few days it will be my 21st birthday. I got a load of cards and package from my mom today (thanks everyone!). Tomorrow my host family is taking me out for sushi lunch and window shopping in Ginza, the totally yuppie part of town.

So, you know, if YOU love me, you can send me a little sumpin' sumpin' too! Just click here:

You know you want to. Oh well, it was worth a try...

looking forward, looking back...
When I think back to all those years ago when I was spending all my free time obsessively watching Tenchi Muyo and Sailor Moon, I realize that I never imagined I would end up where I am now. And, somehow, this surprises me. It seems to me, almost depressingly, that I've always had some inkling of my future; some preminition that has always come true.

But I never knew I would be in Japan, ambivalent to anime, struggling to learn the language more than anything else.

I never knew until last summer when I talked to Sian and found out she was going to Tokyo that I had to go to. Because then it just WAS, like the plan had always existed in my mind.

Now that I am here, however, I realize that I know both more and less than I thought. Japan is nothing like I imagined and yet the same in every way. When I pictured myself walking down the street in winter, it is every street I see here, yet none is the right street. When I look around myself I see not the "Japan" of my mind but a real place not so different from any other real place and yet a real place so alien to me that I can't yet relax.

I am still blind to my surroundings because I am on guard. And yet my eyes are wide open to the innocent details, to the naive things I am writing about, to the revelry of the innocent traveler.

I want to become fluent. It frustrates me that I know so little and that I HAVE to use english and I revert to it even when I DON'T need to. I spend so many hours in my room poring over every little detail. Counters, speech fillers, probability, time expressions, adverbs. My mind is like a sieve. I can't hold onto anything even though I'm continuously practicing and shoving more in.

I am yet afraid to go out more than I stay in. I think the longer I am here the more that trend will reverse. Right now it feels as though I am still preparing myself to be here despite that I already am.

I should take every day as a blessing, work hard, and ready myself to open my eyes. I am doing my best to accomplish that despite the discomfort of bodily difficulties, lack of sleep and interpersonal stress. I strive to awaken to full cognizance at least once during this trip. I will not sleep the whole time. I will find that winter street and walk down it with my eyes open.

talk like a nihonjin
Not much to say about Kamakura, except that the rest of the pictures are up now. You can see them in the photo directory, which has been sorted by date in that link. They're all the pictures from "bride.jpg" onward. Sorry I don't have enough time to set up a proper album for all that.

The best thing about going to college in Japan is that it isn't really much like going to college at all. It seems practically every other day is a holiday. Two weeks ago was a national holiday. Today was one. Next week we have two more days off, and then November 1st and 2nd are holidays as well. Figure in one or two days off every two weeks and it's like one big party. Plus there's the two week Christmas Holiday and the SEVEN week spring break. I ain't complaining.

Since today was a day off, I spent pretty much all of it in my room studying. Sounds like an oxymoron but I'd been putting everything else off all weekend. Sort of. It just feels like I'm always studying anyway. Always studying and still can't speak the language.

My Japanese family keeps reassuring me of one thing though, which is that when I do speak I sound like a Japanese person and not a foreigner. Apparently my pronounciation is superb. And actually, I believe them since I've heard that from several sources already and hear it now when listening to myself in comparison with other classmates who all have weird foreign accents from assorted countries.

I've just never felt that Japanese vowels or speech patterns are difficult. Certainly not in the way grammar, vocabulary and kanji are difficult. In fact, I've never once worried about sounding Japanese. It seems to me that all you have to do is sound like the people around you. My problem is knowing the words.

I bet I can trace my pronounciation to its roots in my obsessive anime watching during middle school. When Lesley and I took a quarter of college Japanese on a whim, I was first told that I "sounded Japanese" by our teacher. She asked if I'd ever taken the language before. At the time, the only things I knew how to say were "KAWAII!!!" and "baka." Even those sent me into fits of giggles.

Then again, that class was taken in the midwest... the land of ultimate asian-exoticism, so it makese sense that she was impressed. I remember in particular these two stupid girls with what was possibly the WORST Japanese pronounciation I have EVER heard come out of a native English-speaker's mouth. "KOW-NeeE-Chiiii-waaaah, wah-ta-chee wah Kimberly DESS." They constantly hassled our teacher about how she put an "u" at the end of "desu" and "masu," when they believed it should be "dess" and "mass." Stupid bimbos. I can't believe I still dislike them so strongly but they really were the type who makes you want to bang your head against a desk until your brain hemmorages.

When I think about it, I guess I do sound Japanese. It's not hard for me to "talk like a Japanese person," even as far as mimicking emotional intonation, speech fillers and sentence patterns. How weird must it be, then, for my host family (and other native speakers) to listen to me "sound Japanese" but drop off in the middle of a fluent-sounding sentence for lack of knowing a simple grammar structure of vocabulary word. Imagine you meet a foreigner with perfect english pronounciation. Given the rarity of the circumstance, would you not assume they were fluent? And what, then, if the proceeded to speak PERFECT English at you for some basic things and then their perfect English frangmented into perfectly pronounced... gibberish. Nouns and verbs and particles everywhere.

So that's me. I wonder if that makes me seem more stupid or less stupid. Maybe I should revert to "Janglish" during my learning stage:

"SuMEEmaSEN! Doh-ZO yoROshiku OH-ne-GAisheemasU!" (spoken like a true cowboy)

Kidding. Anyway, I'm proud of that one good point. It's something many people in my classes seem to lack. But then, I'm stuck in remedial Japanese 101. Or maybe it's not SO remedial... and that's why I spend so long studying. Must solidify the foundations, you know. It really helps.

I think I've decided NOT to continue in my kanji class. Tomorrow is Tuesday, the class is Thursday (complete with test including reading and writing for this week's 20 kanji and the 85 I don't know) and Friday is the last day to drop. Ugh. I really don't think I want to or have time to study for this class each week.

The PROS and CONS are as such:

PROs:
-Would probably learn a LOT of Kanji.
-Like a LOT of Kanji. Seriously. I know jack.
-Might advance in ways I haven't yet imagined including grammar, fluency and vocabulary.
-Would have risen to the challenge and accepted that there may be no other time to accept an opportunity like this.

CONs:
-Am short about 85 of the 350 prerequisite kanji.
-Haven't studied them or this week's 25 Kanji.
-Each week we learn 30 new kanji and have a test on reading AND writing them.
-The kanji are SUPER difficult and IMPRACTICAL (not everyday) Kanji.
-I feel busy enough as is.
-I will definitely recieve either a low C, a D, or a failing grade in the class.
-Yes, I will fail the class. There is no doubt.
-I may be overestimating myself as is.

I feel like either way I'll make the wrong choice. I need to drop by Friday. If I do, I'll have missed the chance to rise to a challenge. If I don't, I'm stuck in the class and may have overestimated myself as far as how much or how quickly I can learn.

Another option to pair with NOT taking the class is to study kanji independently each week. But would I really do it? I could TRY to do it and my Japanese mommy IS an elementary school teacher (she helped me with my homework today, yay!). Right now, it seems as though the CONS outweigh the PROS, especially since I don't think I plan to study my ass off for this week's class. I'm waffling. I don't want to miss my chance.

Dou suru??? What should I do??

And in closing, I would like to just add some personal details that none of you really care to know. As far as treating my undying, treatment-resistant staph infection, I'm currently taking twice daily Rulid of the Rothromycin family paired with what I assume is a steroidal topical ointment that MAY (I dunno) have antibacterial qualities.

And this time, THIS TIME, I am not letting a razor or any other potentially contaminated or contaminatable surface near my body. I wash my shirts after wearing them once. Bras and towels after wearing them twice. I scour myself with antibacterial soup soap twice a day. And, like I said, I'm not shaving. ANYWHERE. (Yes, I'm going Au Naturel for at least two weeks. UGH. The first few days are going to be BOTHERSOME, to say the least, but on the upside at least it saves me some minutes in the shower.)

You know what I fear, though? That with all this repeated failed medication I'm just creating a resistant strain of Staph. On MY BODY!!! AAAAASHGFDJSGFGSHRI!!!!! GIVE ME SOME VANCOMYCIN!!! QUICKLY!!!!! KILL IT KILL IT KILLLLLLL!!! *huff huff huff* Sorry. Anyway, it is a serious concern. Because, you know, I can't model if I'm hairy or bumpy.

And it's gross.

So now you know.

Go feel informed.

BOOM, baby!
I've been browsing CNN.com's international edition every day just to make sure the world isn't ending without my knowledge while I'm over here. I'm not sure if what I read is reassuring or not. Every day... and I mean EVERY day... since I've started reading, the "major headline" spot has been held by a story titled "X Explosion/Assasin/Attack in Baghdad/Israel/Palestine kills X civillians/diplomats/soldiers." Please. Please. This is going to sound terribly naive, shallow and racist but why can't the middle east just fall into the black void of non-existence? Instead of making me care more, reading about all this violence is just making me hateful and cynical. I'm sick of it. Isn't enough enough already?

Oh, and in other website news, my Weather.com page for Tokyo's weather says that today has an expected high of 76 with Thunderstorms and wind... yet right now the posted forecast is 81 degrees (feels like 85) partly cloudy. And 74% humidity. UGH. Hey, HEY, MR. WEATHERMAN. I want my freaking Thunderstorms NOW!!!

Well, whatever, I'm off to see what freaky breakfast awaits me today. Bwahahahah!