Recoup and Renew
I just got back from a lovely bbq with burgers, tanning, and four-square galore. I feel much refreshed after this vacation weekend. All I have left is one 5-page paper and my thesis defense, both to be completed this Thurs. Then, except for thesis revisions (of which there will be few), my college career is over. No finals and no pomp & circumstance until graduation.

If you sponsored Tanuki or ordered a copy of the magazine, you should be receiving it in the mail by the end of this week. For the rest of you, I've uploaded a copy of the final version as a PDF. You can read it cover-to-cover and get an idea of what it looks like printed out. If you want to print your own copy, contact me and I'll get you a copy with the proper page order for printing.

Enjoy!

STRETCH
The magazines are here! If you ordered one, I will send it to you shortly. I have few complaints, which means that it looks great, because I'm a complete perfectionist.

I'm just now putting the final touches on my 40-page thesis paper. I'll put up a PFD of the final magazine a little later this week when the madness subsides.

VOTE!
Hey evvabody! I'm entering some crrrrazy photo contest on the Internet and I need your help to decide which THREE pictures to submit under the theme "Unseen Japan." Your interpretations of that are as good as mine, which is why I set up a gallery where you can vote on which pictures you think I should submit! Please pick "YES" for your top three favorites and "MAYBE" for any others you like. And feel free to suggest images I don't have listed in the gallery.

minority issues, major idiocy
I just passed by the ampitheatre of the student union and saw some sort of mini-rally, so I poked my head in. A group of minority students were awarding what appeared to be called "Zero Awards" to University departments. Looked juicy. What could it mean? Zero tolerance for racism? That'd be a plus. Zero diversity? That'd be a minus.

It turned out to be the latter, and just as I arrived they were awarding their second to last award to the Department of Geography. Then they awarded their top "Zero Award" to the Department of Geological Sciences. I was nonplussed.

All these shennanigans were started by some pissed off minority students in the Colleget of Education who felt that the CoE's policies didn't foster diversity. They seemed to have forgotten two important issues. First, that that CoE doesn't make it's own policies and so picking on CoE administrators does little more than incite a riot. The CoE is a subsidiary of the UO like any other department and follows administrative policies from the higher-ups. Apparently today's rally is part of an attempt to widen their scope. Or something.

Let's get PISSED OFF!

The second issue, and the one that irks me the most, is that these students are going around and labeling the university "racist" for a lack of diversity in some areas. Excuse me? A lack of diversity DOES NOT EQUAL RACISM. It can be a SYMPTOM of racism but it does NOT equal it.

I'm getting peeved at all the stupid people carrying around signs that say "Stop Racism in the XXX" when they mean "Increase Diversity in the XXX." It's sensationalist assholery and it will get them attention but WON'T get them what they want.

Furthermore, picking on departments like Geography and Geology is ridiculous. So WHAT if they don't have any professors of color? I'm sure it wasn't intentional! By nature, these small, specialized departments are MUCH LESS LIKELY to have professors of color than large departments like English and Journalism.

Minorities are given the term "minorities" for a statistical reason: there are fewer of their race, per capita, than other races. That means that there are likely to be fewer black or hispanic geologists than white geologists... but says nothing about the likelihood of the UO excluding people of color from its geology department. The geology department does, however, include one male-to-female transexual. I think that's pretty goddamn expressive of diversity and tolerance.

It's ludicrious to expect, too, that the University make some policy about hiring a certain percentage of staff and faculty from minority groups. The University should hire the most qualified professionals from a pool of applicants, not excluding minorities. But I wouldn't want to see an unqualified candidate given unfair treatment because he fit the bill for increasing diversity!

Yes, these student-advocates are making a valid point about a lack of diversity in general. But there's no sense throwing around racist accusations where there's no fault, or using numbers to tell lies about the University's diversity policies.

Fuck off
Worst. Day. Ever.

Can't sleep.

Can't climb.

Can't even fucking GIVE BLOOD.

I hate myself and I want to die. I'm entirely sick of everything. I don't even feel human anymore and I'm teetering on the verge of nervous collapse.

A big, fat FUCK YOU to the world.

The worlds tiniest violin plays just for me, don't I feel SPESHUL.

God damnit, I hate everything. Next thing/person to piss me off gets punched in the eye.

hott
Sometimes I forget what it's like to feel sexy. It's a state of mind I take for granted, with love and affection so easily accessible. It's not a frame of reference I can easily access when I jump from work to "play" in the course of an hour on a Friday afternoon. Everything is so on-and-off with long distance (no matter HOW good it is) that personal maintenance is something to which I give little consideration.

For better or for worse, though, when I get a few beers in me, I start to remember. *laughs* And then all hell breaks loose inside my head for a few hours, I sleep it off, and the next day it's back to my most un-glamorous grind.

C'est la vie, I suppose.

There's a party raging in the D and it's time for me to crash, so I'd best put in the earplugs and hit the sack. G'night.

tick tick tick
One month till I graduate.

Funny, doesn't feel like it.

do I?
A question that comes to my mind from time to time (often when I'm listening to trance while in the middle of a 3-mile run in the rain like today) is "do I really need to be in control, all of the time?"

The answer is yes. Yes I do.

I also fully realize that what I experience is only an illusion of control. And that the universe could ultimately fuck me over at any second.

And that is how I will utilize my compulsion to claw my way to the top and still remain standing when the illusion blows up in my face.

I'm sure it will fall apart someday. But for now, at least this moment inbetween beats on the track, I believe I'll be in control forever.

It's a natural high.

wrap it up
The thesis paper is in process. I'm probably about 1/4 of the way done, but so far have only covered the peripheral material upon which the main core of the proposal will be based. Of course, I spent most of this past week in a state of intellectual and emotional crisis after expending every last bit of creative juice to get the 'zine to the printers. Seems that every time I THOUGHT it was done, something ELSE would come up... again... and again. I shudder to relive the memory.

In any case, it's gone and done. I ought to get the proofs in the mail tomorrow, in time to make another thorough reading of the text and a few changes to graphics and images. I have four very generous donors to thank for sponsoring the project whose names are already in the credits, but if you still want a copy, it's not too late! You have until Tuesday to request one with your name in it. After then, I can still take orders but can't guarantee that you'll be mentioned in the "Special Thanks" section.

I took a look at the "packaged" thesis of another HC member who made a magazine last year. His was around 38 pages, appendix included. But that's 38 pages of which 90% are double-spaced and 100% have 1 1/2" left-hand margins and 1" margins on all other sides. Woo! I think it will be easy to write now that I have an example in addition to my own work on which I can base my analysis.

I probably have more to write about than this other guy-- or at least different things. His approache may have been more sane, but only slightly. He had a student "staff" to help with writing and photography, which means that he didn't put in as much work on content. He focused on design, and then on marketing and producing the publication as a "real" free 'zine. It was even more expensive for him, and he had to gather funds from benefits, advertisers, and donations. So his overall experience and direction were different than mine. I get to talk about the creative process, writing, style, design, publication, whatever I want.

I think it should be simple to keep on track once I get going. Justin was here this weekend, and though he posed an impediment to work, he gave me a much-needed couple days of blissful relaxation. And some bite marks, but that's beside the point.

I'm in the home-stretch now, getting down to all the mindless formalities, starting with mailing graduation announcements to friends and family and then attending the HC graduation dinner/ dance on Tuesday night. How can I say no to free food and wine?

Well, I refuse to stay up to 2a.m. ANY nights this week, so I'm off to bed.

So THIS is what it feels like to be a college student

Number of times awake till 2 a.m. this week: 4
Number of times awake till 2 a.m. in the past six months: 3

Number of Red Bull energy drinks consumed this week: 3
Number of Red Bull energy drinks consumed in the past six months: 0

Number of naps taken this week: 2
Number of naps taken in the past six months: 0

Number of classes skipped this week: 3
Number of classes skipped in the past 6 months: 2


I rule.

Good karma
With all the expenses of graduation and regalia, I only ordered five formal announcements as keepsakes for me, my parents, and my grandparents. They were expensive and unattractive, but still had the proper sense of formal officiality that one would want from a graduation announcement. They charged me when I made the purchase- something like $10 for five announcements and $8 for shipping. (Ouch.) I put a stop on the order until I found out if I was to receive Latin Honors (which I did, Magna Cum Laude) and then sent the order through. It arrived today.

I was right, they are too expensive and unattractive, not to mention poorly laid out and phrased. But.

They sent me twenty-five. I know they MEANT to send me five, because that's what I was charged for (and guaranteed no repeat charges last week when I forwarded the order). Not to mention that there are only ten envelopes, and they send double your order in case you mess up.

And I'd already designed, laid out, and bought the printing supplies for my own... sah... well... whatyagonna do? (Save myself the freakin' effort and use the supplies for something else?)

I suppose I ought to mention that twenty-five announcements costs $47.50. Ha ha ha! Suckaz!

You WILL sub-MIT!
Ha-HA! I'm DONE with the magazine! I wish I could say it feels good, but the truth is that the end crunch was a killer, I didn't finish as soon as I'd hoped, and there's still a lot of work to be done. It's sort of a letdown, really. But it will be really freakin' nice not to have to do any more layout. UGH. It's the anal-retentive's nightmare.

I should get a proof from the printer's in a few days, hopefully with few mistakes. In the meanwhile, I've uploaded low-resolution version of the final design. It has one glitch in it on page 10 of the PDF (p. 18 of the mag) that I can't seem to iron out. But it's only a PDF-rendering glitch, because none of the InDesign prints show it. *shrug*

Oh, and I'm still accepting donations, if you're interested. I can make addendums to the "Special Thanks" section until I approve the proofs. After that, you can still purchase a copy to help support the project, or if you're poor like me, just enjoy the PDF below.

[ Tanuki Magazine (2.1 MB) ]