do I?
A question that comes to my mind from time to time (often when I'm listening to trance while in the middle of a 3-mile run in the rain like today) is "do I really need to be in control, all of the time?"

The answer is yes. Yes I do.

I also fully realize that what I experience is only an illusion of control. And that the universe could ultimately fuck me over at any second.

And that is how I will utilize my compulsion to claw my way to the top and still remain standing when the illusion blows up in my face.

I'm sure it will fall apart someday. But for now, at least this moment inbetween beats on the track, I believe I'll be in control forever.

It's a natural high.