$$
Hurrah! The Honors College just sent me a check to cover most of the cost of my thesis (sans donations), and I got another graduation check from family (man, people are seriously holding out!). Thankfully, this takes my credit card balance down to a much more manageable $400 and makes me not nearly as squeamish about getting GradMed insurance next month. Mom says I can get COBRA through her insurance, but it's something ridiculous like $270 a month. I can get three months of $250 deductible GradMed for less than that but it doesn't cover doctor's visits or prescriptions. Guess I can be happy I'm blessed with good health!

As of this afternoon I'm off to Jackson Hole. I may have internet at the swank hotel, and I may update with photos, but no guarantees. I'll be coming into Seattle on the 30th, after which Justin and I are probably going backpacking with my dad at Mount Rainier for a few days before coming back for a 4th of July party on a Lake Washington houseboat. Back in Eugene Tuesday, July 6th. Whee! Summertime!

I make pictures of a horsy

Vacation
I'm quite excited for Jackson Hole. And it's easy to tell because it's all I can think of while I'm twiddling my thumbs at work. In fact, I started packing last night (Wednesday) even though I don't leave until Friday afternoon. I'm taking my big suitcase, which always makes me feel excessive. It's a bit of a Catch-22 because my small suitcase never quite fits enough clothes for a week-long trip that requires formal, casual, cool-weather, AND warm-weather clothes plus appropriate shoes. But the BIG suitcase is just that... gigantic. And of course I feel like I can keep putting things into it because since I have so much space, I might as well bring more things! This doesn't foster good packing habits. Oh well.

We've got a lot of stuff on the roster. First, off, this is where we're staying. So that should tell you a bit about the rest of the trip. Justin and I get in tomorrow night after meeting in Salt Lake City. It looks like we're going hiking on Saturday, rafting on Sunday, for a private guided tour of Grand Teton/ Yellowstone National Parks on Sunday, playing golf and/or tennis on Monday, and so on and so on, with country club lunches and lodge dinners interspersed. It's seriously gonna rock my yuppie socks off. Justin's grandpa's 90th birthday celebration is Tuesday evening at the Four Seasons, for which I'm wearing my bridesmaid's dress (in black)-- I ought to get some use out of it!

Whee whee whee, I am excited. Blah blah blah, I am bored... now I'll go find some other entertaining drama on the internet. Something like... hmm... this.

hump day
Gosh, when did I turn into such a GIRL? It's been a slow transition from my awkward high school days where I portrayed my lack of self confidence as "rejecting the status quo." (To be honest, though I still resent the mysogynistic body standard, I do feel that to a large extent, many people who say they "refuse to conform" either a) have low self-esteem, b) don't know how to take care of themselves, or c) don't value personal grooming.) I blame study abroad for my turn down the dark and dreaded (or maybe just pink and sparkly) road to girldom. I bought skirts before I went to Japan because, well, they wear them a lot over there, and even though I knew I wouldn't fit in at all, I thought I'd give it my best effort. Then I got eyeliner... for shits and giggles. And it's been getting worse ever since.

I still suffer from an occasional lack of perspective about my appearance, but for better or for worse, I've become much more confident. I'd say that I border on narcissistic on some occasions (this post maybe?). But I have certainly learned to value appearances. By that, I don't mean that one's bone structure, breast size, or eye color indicates their attractiveness or value in life. To the contrary, I feel that we work with what we're given but that what we're given ought to be taken care of.

I took to heart a line from the movie American Beauty: "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times." It isn't about fashion or makeup or hair dye; it's about self-confidence. But I don't think there's anything wrong with taking care of yourself either. That's why I work out. And for that matter, why I paint my toenails or wear mascara... because it helps me feel good. And it's fun. But sometimes even I get carried away. Especially when I'm confronted with so many people (women especially) who use the vehicles of self-presentaion to mask their self-loathing. When makeup is a coverup instead of an amplifier. When a workout is a compulsion instead of an enjoyment. That saddens me.

I'm writing this post sort of as a confession. I think, upon occasion, I feel guilty about how much effort I put into my appearance on a daily basis. I tan myself, I straighten my hair, and though it makes me feel positive, it also seems quite silly. Now that I've graduated, I've been putting special thought into improving my dress. I feel somehow as if to authenticate my "right of passage" into the realm of adulthood, I ought to dress better. I still feel as if my clothes are cheap and juvenile because I'd much rather wear a t-shirt and jeans than designer anything. Call it a comfort issue, a financial issue, or whatever, but I often feel distinctivly UN-coiture.

It's not a big deal, I know it isn't. I'm probably just fiddling about because I'm looking for a job and I have to "put my best foot forward," so to speak. Having to purchase "interview clothes" and "work clothes" makes me look at the rest of my 3-year-old solid print t-shirts in a rather drab light. And then I feel silly, because I still wear them more than anything else.

But enough with the introspective drivel. I'm curious what you think: I believe that personal grooming is important, including dress, excersize, and personal care. I know some people don't care as much. How important do you consider appearance and why?

Bathing Beauty
I just bought a new bathing suit.

I got my first bikini when I was twelve. If I recall correctly, it was this godawful dark green plaid thing with padding in the chest AND an underwire. (Is that a contradiction in terms?) It fit me horribly and at the time I was putting on more weight than was aesthetically wise for an awkward, gangly teenager in a two-piece. After my mom told me how bad I looked, I gave up on bikinis entirely...

Until my freshman year of college. I snapped out of that awkward phase, lost the "freshman fifteen," and treated myself to a little number from Pineapple Kiss, a great local bathing suit store. It's lasted me five years, but the fabric has started to pill. Stupid me for putting it in the washer/dryer a few times. And it's gotten so old that it has begun to literally come apart at the seams.

So today Rachelry and I went shopping for bathing suits, as I decided it was unsuitable (yuk yuk) for me to show up in Jackson Hole with a tattered bikini. One of the perils of shopping for a two-piece is that you generally have to buy the pieces separately. And they're expensive. But Old Navy had some cheaptacular bargains for $10 a piece. So I got one. Then I decided it sucked and got a real bikini-- by the makers of my original Freshman year suit. For forty dollars more.

It's expensive being a girl. But with luck it'll be another five-year investment. It's even bloody warrantied since they make them there in the store. (Guess they have a sweatshop in the back?)

breaking even
As it turns out, I don't in fact have to make any interest payments on my private bank loan. It might be smart to do so, but I think I'll ride out my grace period 'till its end. I hope (no, I know!) that I'll have a decently-paying job by december. So this means that I can afford barebones health insurance through GradMed after all. No prescription coverage... but it should save me from bankruptcy if I need LifeFlight for any reason.

I'm at the part of the summer between where things fall apart and come together again. At the moment, it still seems as if everything is unravelling, but I'm in a lesser state of panic than I was mid-week last week. At the moment, my female roomate is in the process of selling her furniture and boxing her personal belongings. The problem with this is that it leaves my male roomate (who is staying through the next year) and I with no furniture and no kitchen stuff. He can survive with a pasta pot, a bowl, and a fork, and won't mind the house being as bare as a backyard meth-lab. But I, on the other hand, don't relish the thought and have no impetus to buy any furnishings or houseware because I already OWN a housefull of it up in Seattle. I suppose I can make do with the bare minimum for a month.

As far as my career search goes, worst case scenario is that Justin and I will get a place in Seattle and I'll work a shit job (retail or the like) while I look for a real job. You know, for the rent money and pocket cash. I just dread taking a hit to my current $10/hr income coupled with the increase in rent and sales tax. Beh. And I don't want to get stuck as a peon when I know I have infinite potential. Ah well, better not to worry needlessly about the future. I still have more than two months to work, including a good amount of vacation time.

Justin and I are off to Jackson Hole this Friday evening-- meeting in Salt Lake City-- for a week of living in lavish luxury on someone else's tab. Meanwhile, I'll keep my fingers crossed for job leads or hearing back from the Journalism and Women Symposium people about my application to their conference. Woo.

new prospects
My, my, it's funny how easly I can swap into the rhythm of... not having a rhythm. Today I read 1.5 books, watched 3 hours of TV, and spent the better part of the day browsing the internet while I was at work. Then I went to a staff party at the department I support and was rained on while biking home. Hurray for clothes dryers.

I'm feeling less antsy about employment, only because everyone on the face of the planet keeps assuring me that I'm employable. "You're smart," they say, "and intelligent, and well-spoken, and sociable, and to top it off, you have technical experience and expertise in a wide variety of fields. I'd hire you!" Thanks, guys. So... um... hire me?

I'm formulating a loose plan that I will tie together into the first steps toward an active pursuit of a job. It goes something like this:

1. Finalize work on resume and draft a potential query letter to use as a last resort in addition to portfolio, etc.

2. Make a list of all the magazines and/or corporations in the Portland/Seattle area at which I would like to work

3. Exploit my personal and professional ties to find new contacts at any additional or related publications/companies

4. Make initial contact with the above people, perferably by telephone in person to set up a meeting (problem being, of course, f-ing TRANSPORTATION)

...this is where it gets hazy, so I'll hope for the best and fear for the worst

5. Attend meetings, blow them away, and get a badass job with benefits, a yacht, and a gazillion bucks


I should have up to step three done by the end of next week before we fly to Jackson Hole on Friday evening. Something tells me that steps four and five will take considerably more finesse. I'm beginning to wish that Justin WASN'T being evicted from his apartment complex (the damn management decided to turn it into condos August 14th), and that his boss hadn't gone off the deep end (fired his 13-year accountant and is heading the company into financial ruin). It helps that we're both flexible as far as where we can go and what we can do, but I do wish I had a more stable home base. *laughs* Well, we do both have parents in the Seattle area... but that's just so pathetic. Maybe a certain someone I know will have to train me to be a professional dominatrix; I hear the pay is pretty good. ;-) Ya never know.


Also, I am *very* thrilled, but I can't say why because it is a secret. It will suffice to say that some ladies I know may be getting a very iiiiiinteresting surprise sometime soon. Hee hee hee.

Welcome to reality
So it begins. I can't afford temporary health insurance because I have a $290 interst payment on my $11,000 bank loan. Starting in December, I've got a $230/month payment for the next 12 years (followed by $130 a month for 10 more after that) on a ludicrious amount ($34,000) of student loans. And those are the ones in my name, not counting the parents' loans, which I also volunteered to assist in repaying.

I have no job and no job prospects, because apparently publications don't list jobs for writers in the classifieds. I just have to shoot off applications to the places I'd like to work and hope they're hiring. GREEEAT. Yeah, I know I'm employable, but it's really not inspiring when the classifieds have something to offer in every field but yours. (With the exclusion of high-level editorial and management, for which I am not qualified.) I don't even know where to begin. My one promising lead vanished in a piff of smoke with a lingering "neener-neener," and now I'm stuck figuring out where to look next.

I'm sure I'll get a job eventually, let's just hope I don't get injured in the meanwhile.

Pomp Circumstances...


Graduation Photos

That's it, I'm done! I was given a B.A. from the School of Journalism and Communication , East Asian Language and Literature, and the Clark Honors College. I graduated Magna Cum Laude in the top 5 percent of my class and received departmental honors in Japanese and the Barbara Corrado Pope award for an excellent thesis in the CHC. I joined Phi Beta Kappa and Kappa Tau Alpha-- even though I'm convinced that honors fraternities mean nothing in the end.

My college education has come to a close. Yes, I feel vaguely saddened, but more than that I regret that I'll soon be leaving Eugene. My family visited this weekend and again reminded me how I love this town so much more than the obscene suburban sprawl of Seattle. I'll just have to enjoy my time left.

And what better way to do it that with this....





That's right, I got an EOS 20D from Justin for graduation. And a lovely Osprey Ariel60 backpack from my parents-- so I'll be taking this sucka into the great beyond, provided I can stand to put it in harm's way. Just this weekend we took a daytrip to Mckenzie pass to ogle the volcanic moonscape at the foot of the Three Sisters.





I'll be taking lots of pictures with this baby-- in Jackson Hole in a week and a half, and at Country Fair three weekends from now. Stay posted!

Tribute
Tonight I attend the first of several ceremonies that mark the end of my college education. My entire family arrives this afternoon, and Justin a little later. I'll walk in the Honors College commencement this evening-- and I was notified a few days ago that I'll receive a special award for a distinguished thesis, one of only six awarded to over twenty "pass with distinction" theses. Tomorrow morning I'm going to the Phi Beta Kappa breakfast and initiation, followed immediately by the School of Journalism and Communication ceremony. I'd be excited if I weren't being physically overwhelmed by hay fever. I'm tired and congested, but it's almost impossible for me to sleep if I can't breathe. GUH! >_<

With each passing day I say goodbye to more people that I've come to know the last five years. The funny part is that if I hadn't run into some of them, I may not have even considered that I'd never see them again. But every time I meet up with each friend or passing acquaintance, I am again forced to think that it's the last time we'll meet. I always just say "I'll see you later" because, really, I *might*.

with DISTINCTION
OK, so *this* is a little exciting.

I defended my thesis today. My advisors not only gushed about it during the entire Q&A session, but they convinced me to pursue an additional print run for distribution at the UO with funding from outside investors.

Then they passed me with distinction-- that's the highest honor an undergraduate can receive for an HC thesis. Basically, they're approving my work as if it were done at graduate level. And I think I get (another) special award at graduation! WOOHOO!! x-D

After the presentation I was overcome with the vague, haunting emptiness that accompanies losing one's purpose. In the BDSM community, they call it "bottom drop," the pit you fall into after losing a severe adrenaline rush. I drank a beer, cried for a while for no good reason, and then packed a weekend bag and rode up to Seattle with Justin and Monk. Didn't have anything better to do!

Summer vacation has officially begun. Might be my last one ever.

It's not even exciting anymore
Woo, yay, I just accepted an invitation to become a member of Phi Beta Kappa, the nation's oldest and most reputable Honor Society. Those guys must be pretty smart, because they managed to get me to give them seventy dollars.

How come all the honors I'm ever offered are those that want to take my money rather than offer it to me? Is it because I'm secretly slated to have a high-paying job? Because I just don't see it. When I'm shivering somewhere in a cardboard box, I can clutch my PBK membership handbook and rock back and forth while remembering my golden years.

At least I get another freaking $10.50 honors cord. FAAAAAN-TASTIC!