chase
If I'd felt confident taking a photo with one hand and driving my '72 Datsun with the other, I would have snapped a shot of the dog-and-bike duo riding/running down the road in front of me this morning. For the first few blocks, I thought the black pooch (lab? spaniel?) was chasing the motorcycle and the driver was leaning over telling the dog to "Go home!" or somesuch. But at the first stoplight, either out of protectiveness or ownership, the rider slowed his bike and held out a hand as if to motion the dog to stop. Then, when it was "their" turn to go, they headed straight through the intersection and beyond to whatever their destination.

I thought it charming, surprising and an unbelievably stupid way to test the rash tentacles of fate. Hope dog made it home safe.

snapshots from the "stick horse" rodeo

( Roping 'em in... )

( Bucking Bronco )

highway poem
On the road and off it. In the carapace of a car that's ten years older than I and acts it. Yesterday I met an Indian Sinclair gas station owner who moved from Kirkland, WA to Dillon, MT only weeks ago. He told me that he had been everywhere in the world except three places that he still wants to go. Spending nights in another empty house. Petsitting a neurotic abused dog. An internship and odd jobs: paid in food, clothing, and change. Sometimes I spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, other times I worry that I won't get enough done or be useful enough to accomplish my purpose here. Thinking a lot about ones, twos and threes and wondering where the spiritual leg of my tripod went. I need new hiking boots. I want time to walk around at sunset and sunrise and click the shutter of my camera. Three days ago, I missed the perfect shot, a cowboy walking in the early light past the shuttered bar on Rodney St. Today I caught several good ones at the Capital Sports "stick-horse rodeo." The wind is up and down, the temperature too. I feel alternately at peace and unbearably lonely. Without fail I am a raging flame of desire, if anything, for conversational intercourse. I may live here someday, but only if the City Council reverses its 4:1 decision to pave over the walking mall. J. Gordon Edwards is dead on Divide Mountain and in 31 days we will be back in Glacier National park.

A Sense of Place

(Helena from the hills, midday)

(One man, Three feet)

Down on the Range
Life moves at a different pace here in Helena; much slower, more relaxed. Despite that I'm sure I like it better, it take a lot of work getting used to not rushing about every moment of the day at someone or other's convenience. It's not so much that the farther away I am from "home" the better I feel, although that is a part, but more that I've realized (with some shock) that I detest city/ suburban consumer-oriented living.

I'd forgotten how to read for pleasure. I hadn't spent more than ten minutes pulling weeds in a garden since I was ten years old. As I was drawing a pastel landscape of the sunset valley, I realized that I hadn't really made something with my hands for far too long.

I've already thought-- and intended to write-- about what it means for me to be here in Helena and how my feelings about myself and my place here have and will change. I'm sloughing off the dead demons like snakeskin from inside. This time I'm going to sink in and make roots of my own.

It's all organic or homegrown. I'm eating more meat (elk, deer, etc) and less dairy than ever before. I met the mailman who says he learned Tai Chi under a Chinese master and visited Japan during the Vietnam War while recovering in the hospital from a battery of tropical illnesses. Yesterday I ran into two real back-country good ol boys (pureblood hicks) while attempting to trail-run behind the house. I wasn't sure whether they wanted to exchange pleasantries, rape me or both.

I haven't yet broken out the camera. Every evening when the sun goes down over the sleeping giant, I tell myself that I need to take the shot NOW before I breathe deep and realize that there's very little chance I'll miss out on a single sunset while I'm here. This weekend the editor and I are going up to her friend's cabin in the heart of the Montana Rockies for (a little more) R&R, homestyle.

Just as I haven't started to take those fabulous Montana photos I intend to post, neither have I actually begun to type my daily thoughts morning and night to post at work while I have connection. It's in the plans though, it's in the plans.

For now, it's back to work as the Incredible Half-Time Intern. I have to write some captions for rather phallic mushroom photos!

life less ordinary
Things have settled into about what feels appropriate. I'm no longer rapid cycling between feeling rather accomplished and absolutely useless but rather at a happy medium of "whatever, take it as it comes." I think it helps a lot that I've gotten through the majority of first-impression "welcome homes" that made me feel like a bloody dancing monkey. From here on out, I'm pretty much free to do what I want. Here's the breakdown:

I'm working full-time until Friday at Justin's workplace (a sign company in Seattle, for those who don't know) doing shopwork in the back. This makes me a) the only female employee and b) the only girl in the shop for over three years. I expected to feel more out-of-place than I do but I'm actually rather at home with the guys. I think if I worked with women I might actually be more likely to be put off. To my delight, I've been adopted by design on several occasiont and taken away from the monotony of my usual job-- the treatment and assembly of no less than 1500 acrylic nameplates for Microsoft-- to handle some work in the signlab. Eight hour days are more tedious than I rememberd but much less stressful.

Last Friday, as I mentioned before, Justin and I went to sushi at our favorite place (we used to be once-a-week- regulars there) before assisting with an easy win in our friend's naked sushi competition. The SPCC was much tamer than I expected, probably because Naked Sushi was a sushi event and not a bondage night. Although there were plenty of voluptuous ladies there wearing less than I expected, most people were in fact dressed in street clothes-- or UtiliKilts-- I'm told those have replaced chaps in the S&M community. I served as a hostess for Monk's sushi, shuttling platters of it around whilst minding my yukata. I daresay my host family (and real family-- hi guys!) would be surprised to discover the places I've worn my summer kimono. It helped me make some interesting friends...

Saturday we slept late and then I rearranged Justin's new apartment, as any good girlfriend should do. [Except that I was muscling around bookshelves and stuff.] In the evening, we attended the Carmina Burana at the Seattle Symphony and went for a late sundae and hot chocolate at Dillatante's on the Ave. Despite that it's July and we should be OUT of the rainy season, the weather here in Seattle has been both piss cold and rainy.

Sunday we drove down to Eugene, where it was a dry 20 degrees warmer (sweltering, in fact) and still pollen-y enough to trigger my allergies. I, of course, hadn't thought to bring medication. Whoops. First things first, we went to Katie and Dave's (Jewish!) wedding, which was beautiful, drank a lot of Murray's dad's wine, danced some, and talked late into the night with our best(estest) friends, Micah and Rachel.

I also toured the triplex unit in which I'll be living next year and chatted with the roomies. I don't think we'll kill each other too quickly. ;-) I was looking forward to trying to find a studio or one-bedroom this year but living alone has now paled in comparison with the prospect of living in a duplex/triplex complex rented entirely by friends. Whee!

I took my written Japanese placement exam early on Monday morning. The test was challenging but not nerve-wracking and because there were no questions I felt I COULDN'T answer (even the reading section, which I mostly bullshitted), it took long enough to make me half an hour late for my lunch date with Justin, Alex and Kristin. I felt like an ass... and then had to run off in another quick half-hour for my oral interview where the prof looked at my scores (incomprehensible to me), asked me a few questions [in Japanese] about Japan and promptly told me that I was awesome and could enroll in whatever classes I wanted. Score one.

Went back to my old work to say hi and the Boss Man said he'll give me another position like my ex-job. Score two.

Decided to drive back LATE Monday night and went for a hike up Spencer's Butte in south Eugene with Rachel and Micah... then proceeded directly to Beppe and Gianni's for excellent Italian (that place is still my favorite!). We didn't hit the road for Seattle until nearly 8PM, after I called Orbitz to rebook my ticket home from Michigan to Glacier, MT [indirect]. Nevertheless, we didn't get in until nearly 1AM last night. That's not to say I didn't sleep the entire way... because I did.

The schedule for the rest of the summer is as follows:

July 17th- August 19th: Unpaid internship at Montana Magazine in Helena, Montana working with dear friend and editor, Beverly Magley. Hopefully some back-country hiking in there as well. Odd jobs... need a new pair of hiking boots and maybe convertible pants, as mine seem to have been lost somewhere between Japan and home. Oops.

August 19th- August 30th: Fly to Michigan to visit hometown and family while traveling with parents and sisters.

August 30th- Sept 6th: This year's Glacier trip... slightly short but surely sweet. Provided the park doesn't threaten to burn down the cabin again. Planned summit: Siyeh mountain (among others). Planned fun: that's a secret.

Sept 6th onward: Pack and move to Eugene, probably with a side-trip down to San Francisco before classes start on the 27th.

That's the sum total of all the parts at the moment. I'm feeling more introspective an analytic than that but as I'm still waffling a bit about how I feel, I figure I'll give myself a few more days to sort out all the loose ends. Until then...

naked sushi
Putting on the yukata and going to eat at Toyoda's for the first time since coming back to Seattle.

Heading over to an acquaintance's house, helping Justin change into his leathers, and driving to a local BDSM club...

for an iron-chef "naked sushi" contest in which one of our friends (and yes, an active member of said fetish community) is competing.

I'm a freak at heart but so far all of my hands-on experience has been pretty vanilla. Tonight we were invited to go alone for the ride and I'm not sure what to expect.

But I think I'm pretty excited.

Meow.
BWA HA HA. Justin's (and my temporary) boss calls me "Kats." Even though he has probably heard my name fifty MILLION times from Justin, he's made up his own version. Frankly, I'm quite pleased. I'm plural!

Isn't there a "Kats" in the 'all your base' game thingy?? You know, someone set up us the bomb.

daily grind
Getting back in the swing. Working full-time eleven-dollars-an-hour doing work in the shop at Foley Sign Co., where Justin also works. I'm starting to feel gradually more normal but yesterday's trip to Seattle's "International District" showed me very clearly that my head is still in Japan. It was the most lucid I've felt since coming home.

I thought I was supposed to feel that I've changed while everyone else has stayed the same but instead I feel quite the opposite-- that returning here has regressed me to who/what I was before I left and everyone else has changed to fit into the place where they are. I feel useless, awkward and foreign and furthermore, I'm only slowly discovering the parts of my perspective that have been altered.

Of course I'll give it some more time, as this morning is the first morning I've woken up without feeling like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me. I don't expect to be updating too often in the coming weeks but I'll keep posting back as I settle in.