The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Erf, well... back to school with me tomorrow. It's not that I'm not looking forward to it, it's just that school is always sure to disappoint. That's a fact of life.

Cos I said I would, I'm posting the Card Captor Sakura pre-animation design cell I won at the Tokyo International Anime expo. I didn't think the series ever got as huge here as it is (now) in the US but I guess they're rerunning all the episodes on TV timed with the release of this movie. I mean, eh, if something as midless as One Piece can do well, a new CCS movie shouldn't surprise.



Clicky, clicky.

So what cracks ME up, out of what little I could glean from the booth/panel thingy, is that this new movie takes place in good ol' AMERIKUH and the Wild Wild West at that (see costumes). If you couldn't figure out from the title of the series, that girl is Sakura... and she has to capture "cards." So in this movie, she's going to AMERIKUH to capture some "cards." [ok, can you tell I haven't watched this series like, ever? so sue me for not being "with it" on today's kids' anime... I'm too busy watching cheesecake like Chobits and Onegai Teacher] Here's the real kicker... the name of these Wild Wild Cards (I got this much because they mangled it all into ENGRISH!!) are the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. I... just... yeah. I'll leave it at that. Maybe I can sell the cell on Ebay? I wonder if Mandorake in Shibuya buys them for resale... probably not. Anyone out there loooooove Card Captor Sakura?

Escape from L.A. Tokyo
GREAT. Just fucking PEACHY. Air Canada can't do anything for me because they can't access availability for "Zed" class passengers (the piece of shit category STA has relegated me to). I'm stuck in Tokyo, folks.

Or, at the very BEST, I'm stuck paying another $40 JUST SO I CAN TERMINATE MY FLIGHT IN VANCOUVER AND HAVE SOMEONE DRIVE FOUR HOURS FROM SEATTLE TO PICK ME UP. I CAN do that, but do I want to? NO. Who KNOWs where my luggage will go? Why should I have to deal with this? I bought a full ticket!!!

Like I said, had I known I would be treated like this for buying a student ticket, I would have saved myself $30 and paid full price. I KNOW there are seats available on that flight... they're just not seats for ME. I HATE YOU, STA TRAVEL-- you belong in the same level of hell as Telemarketing companies.

Aww, I'm makin a family...

I adopted a cute lil' pikachu fetus from Fetusmart!
Hooray fetus!

Is it just me or has the Internet gotten a LOT stranger lately?

The Rules of Engagement
I'm going on a diet. I hate to admit it. I never thought it would happen given my health consciousness, eating habits and established fitness routine... but that was back in Eugene and my lifestyle has changed considerably. I hate the word "diet." Dieting is for losers who can't maintain a healthy lifestyle because they're so out of control of their circumstances. To me it somehow connotates a pathetic inability to be healthy and conjures images of all those idiotic food fads followed by anorexic or obese women desperate to change their already inevitable destiny of self-inflicted unhappiness. Or perhaps I'm just scared I'll revert to the way I was... before... when my OWN self-loathing and poor body image evolved into near-compulsion with food and exercise. Eh, probably not, I'm substantially more wisened now than I was four years ago.

By posting this here, I hope to sufficiently mortify myself into actually sticking by my rules. Spring Break was GREAT and the fun and games certainly aren't over... but I've eaten a lion's share of Pocky and Pino and I don't need to pick them up habitually anymore, as I did when I was travelling. I didn't do it in the states with Doritos or Snickers or whathaveyou and I don't need to do it here.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think myself overweight, fat, or even plump. My clothes still fit (just not as well) and I still consider myself an attractive individual. However, I have gained what I feel is a considerable amount of weight and enough so that it is visually noticeable. My energy levels are low and I am hungry frequently and at odd times. I eat recreationally. I have, probably partially as a result of no core workout or weightlifting for the last 7 1/2 weeks, lost any muscle tone in my thighs and midsection. Health and fitness are very important to me for a satisfactory lifestyle and I'm just not feeling up to par.

As I am not priveleged to be a member of a convenient and modern gym these days, my routine is somewhat restricted, especially by my wearying schedule and commute. Given that I am also somewhat out-of-control of the ingredients, preparation style and portion size of the food that's put in front of me every day, the only thing I can do is the one thing I HATE DOING and literally have never had to resort to before: a restriction diet. That is my disclaimer and this is the plan.


-I WILL Take one vitamin and one calcium pill every other morning.
-I WILL Drink two nalgene bottles worth of water (64 oz.) each day.
-I WILL Eat one apple and one banana a day for additional vitamins and energy.
-I WILL NOT Eat rice unless it's absolutely necessary for the meal or the meal is onigiri/ sushi.
-I WILL Leave food on the plate at breakfast and dinner. This does not make me evil.
-I WILL NOT Drink alcohol more than once a week.
-I WILL Bring enough healthy snacks with lunch to keep awake and aware during the day.
-I WILL NOT Drink milk, soda, coffee/tea lattes or non-100% fruit juice.
-I WILL NOT Consume caffiene (excepting tea).
-I WILL Do cardio for 50 mins 3-5 times a week. One half will be running either on a treadmill or OUTSIDE.
-I WILL Walk everywhere if it is timely, especially to and from Shinjuku station.
-I WILL Buy energy and protein bars (CalorieMate?) for a post-workout snack.
-I WILL Count calories and try to keep my daily intake less than 1700kcal and more than 1300kcal.
-I WILL Remember that more food in the morning & less food at night= more energy during the day.
-I WILL NOT Eat sweets at school.
-I WILL Refuse dessert unless from a keki-ya (cake shop).
-I WILL NOT Eat after 8PM excepting late dinner (which should be avoided).
-I WILL Remind myself frequently of the above rules and be happy following them for my own health.


And I will do this all... you know, starting tomorrow. Heh.

EEEEEEE!!!
I love the Internet.

OOPS
I really shouldn't go to bed at 2AM when the backhoes start at 8AM and my room begins to shake.


Five minutes ago...
"What, do you think she's never seen construction?"
(Yes, but this is my construction.)

Chris and I made the mutual observation yesterday that Japanese construction companies like to get their noisy business out of the way early in the day and then pretty much do nothing the rest of the day. I guess, if it's warm, or a nice day, or whatever, that seems like the thing to do if you're on the job. The noise around here usually stops by noon and is at its worse before nine.

What Planet is This?
I'm irritated. It's a luxury I allow myself a little too often. I really ought to just count my blessings, especially in light of my recent emotional serenity... but the very fact that this unpreventable, extremely bothersome quandaries have come up right IN THE FACE OF MY HAPPINESS just pisses me off. I'm not just irritated. I'm REALLY irritated.

-My new, out of the box, 15GB iPod is making the SAME bad-disc noises as the last one. When it's on, when it's playing, when it's paused, when it's OFF... the hard disc makes a spinning, clicking, whining noise. It's not a bomb, it's not a clock, it's an IPOD... so it should not be making these noises. I'd settle for the fact that it might be a manufacturing defect but I'm a tech an I know better than to let a hard disc make noises. Hard disc noises mean CERTAIN DEATH. And quite possibly worse than that, hard disc noises when iPod is off means VALUABLE BATTERY TIME IS BEING USED. I wonder, even though I KNOW it's not possible, if my computer (software, files, hardware connection, magnetic field?!?!) has somehow caused the problem to reoccur in this new model. Just... WTF?

-I am fixated, FIXATED on whether I should have waited to buy a big Totoro plush until Yamashiroya toy store got in the grey variety. Instead, I bought the green one. I already had to return the one I got in the Ginza (ooh, a Japanese taboo!) that same day because the Yamashiroya variety was just SO much better quality. But now I keep wondering... do I actually want the traditional, dark grey variety over the forest green and cream variety? Which would better match the blue chu-totoro and white sho-totoro? What would look nicer with my sheets? Am I just an obsessive-compulsive freak??

-If my host family doesn't clean the ofuro soon, I'm going to be seriously grossed out. I've already vetoed my desire to take a bath the last two nights because of the slimy feeling on the bottom of the tub. They're emptying and refilling it but NOT removing the sludge that's growing on the sides. Watching the grey, dripping ring-around-the-tub growing darker day by day is enough to turn ANYONE'S stomache. UGH.

-I put on a few pounds over break, in spite of all the walking. I estimate, with my muscle mass loss from not lifting, that I porked up about 5 pounds. I had a helluva time eating all that AWESOME food and feeding my friends Japanese treats... but I look UGH with a gut. I should NOT have had a Big and Small Chu-Hi tonight. As much as I hate the Waseda gym, I look forward to going back. If I can't control what's fed to me, in what quantity and when, at least I can get rid of some of the endless carbs flowing into my mouth. Less food= more energy= better body. Get with it Kat, your love handles are disgusting.

-Today I went to the STA Travel in Ikebukuro to set/reserve my travel date on my plane ticket home. Why? Because I set the original date in June of the year before and could only set it a certainly period of time (less than a year) ahead, thus requiring a change in flight date. Therefore, I chose to fly Air Canada, which only has a $25 fee for a date change. So I was told. I later found out that Japan charges $37, just for shits and giggles. First irritation.

Secondly, today I learned that by saving $30 on my ticket by purchasing the STA Travel International Student ID Card, a $25 worthless piece of shit, my status was relegated to (I kid you not) "Z" class and thereby makes me the equivalent of livestock as far as my priveleges for seat reservation.

I was informed that I cannot make a reservation for my return flight back because there are no "Z" class seats on my connecting flight from Vancouver to Seattle. Nor are there seats on that flight from any date between June 20th and July 8th. Not even to Portland or Eugene.

Now, I know for a FACT that some of my friends have changed their seats ALREADY to fly to Portland or Eugene. The agent didn't quite seem to believe me but concurred that this means either one of two things. A) the in my class have all sold out or B) the airline, as retarded companies sometimes do, has yet to release all the seats. He explained to me, no matter how many times I asked him to try, that he could not find out which one was true.

IT GETS WORSE.

According to STA, because my flight goes through to Seattle and does not layover in Vancouver, I cannot return to the United States unless a seat is available on a Vancouver to Seattle flight. I cannot fly to Eugene or Portland. I cannot stop over in Vancouver. I cannot even fly TO VANCOUVER ONLY and have a friend pick me up there EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE "Z" CLASS TICKETS FROM TOKYO TO VANCOUVER.

Unless... unless I pay ANOTHER $37 in addition to my date-change fee.

EXCUSE ME? If I'd known it would have prevented me being treated like yesterday's rotten refuse, I would have just skipped buying the WORTHLESS $25 ISIC card to save a total of FIVE DOLLARS on a plane ticket. So now I'm stuck doing what he told me I have to do, waiting until mid-April to find out if more seats are released or if I am just SCREWED. Believe me, both STA Travel in Eugene and Air Canada will be hearing from me quite angrily tomorrow because I refuse to resort to building a raft from Pocky boxes just to get back to the states in time for the Fourth of July and my friends' wedding.

I just hope I don't have to play phone tag with too many mindless monkeys in order succeed in nothing other than racking up a long-distance bill more expensive than a new ticket back home.

OK, so that last one is more than a "small irritation" in my mind. It's something that I do not want to, nor do I feel I should HAVE TO deal with. What is WRONG with companies these days that they refuse to give information to customers? UGH. I am so NOT SATISFIED with STA *or* APPLE right now.

The evening was made a HUGE bit better by ramen in Ikebukuro with Chris, and then a walk all the way from there to Shinjuku, where we met with Ian, proceeded to Central Park, and drank a bit while looking at yo-zakura (night cherry blossoms) with a horde of other people. The conversation was refreshingly unrestrained and raunchy and toward the end of the night, the guys ended up playing sumo with a bunch of Japanese teens dressed in nothing but their underwear. Actually, Ian took a bunch of inebriated pictures, I watched, and Chris took off his shirt for one round of sumo with a weak-armed Nihonjin he promptly threw out of the ring. Then, (for my sake?) two of the Japanese guys finished off their night wrestling BUCK-ASS-NAKED in the middle of Shinjuku Chuo Koen. Yeah... the mythos is true. Those were some scrawny, tiny guys. But I laughed hard and that's what counts.

BOOHBAH!
Hey, uh... wanna see something bizarre? Just... just... have a look at this. Yeah. Don't ask. Make sure you click around. And don't say I didn't tell warn you it was trippy.

Thank my sister.

BOOHBAHHH!!!!

3days

The day before yesterday I had a wonderful time watching Bowling for Columbine at, of all places, a Japanese Catholic Church. When Alex and I went to the peace rally for World Peace Action Day on the 20th, we met a group of really nice people marching for their church. Even at the time, I found this an interesting contrast to the US, where churches seem to pursue the interests of the republican party. (How our jihad is different from their jihad I don't know... see previous week's post containing quote from our retard of a president.) So I went to the Catholic chapel with my new friend Kyoko-san, took a peep inside and lo and behold, there were pews full of Japanese nuns singing hymns at a pre-Easter mass. That was an amazing spectacle, let me tell you. I haven't been to a church in a long time. Much less a church youth group... and, well, NEVER in a Catholic church. (I was raised Protestant but let's just say I outgrew it.) Honestly, though, I've been missing the church community-- or any sense of community at all-- recently. So I was greatly relieved to be welcomed and happy to meet a number of wonderful people. After the movie everyone sat around and ate Korean food that the elders made, including Kimchee nabe and even sliced horse sausage. That's right, horse. And it wasn't bad. Honestly, I never though I'd add that to my list of have-eatens... but, hey, something new every day, ne?

Yesterday I went to the Tokyo International Anime Expo at the Tokyo Big Sight in Odaiba. Odaiba is a notorious date spot and not generally a place one goes if one is not part of a couple. But because, you know, I love me and all that, I figured it would be OK to go and have a good time... even if I'm loser enough that none of my friends would join me. (hee hee) Yes, I dressed as a catgirl, but not for long as there was really no one doing cosplay except for booth staff. It was really noisy at the expo, with every studio trying to drown out their neighbor's sound system and I very quickly got a headache. That, combined with some rather unwanted dirty looks from Japanese parents with children and the thought that maybe my collar was contributing to my headache, prompted me to slip back into incognito mode (err, as incognito as I get in Tokyo anyway) and stuff my getup into my schwag bag.

I have to say I was surprised by the aforementioned dirty looks. First, I am completely aware catgirls are generally not-so-innocent. I understand the sexualized connotation. But I resent the fact that I got dirty looks, when the half-dressed nuns at the Ragnarok the Animation booth and the witch-trio with their panties showing were considered perfectly normal as they came, oh, right out of an anime. Yes, I'd say that even most children's anime these days is half-porn, especially when you look at breast size, costume design and body posturing in character design. My guess is that because I'm foreign, and thus have a more voluptuous figure and all-in-all stand out more, it's just different if *I* wear a tail, ears and a collar. So sue me. Yeesh.

Anyway, the expo was pretty fun, if entirely ear-shatteringly-loud. I watched a lot of cool animation clips from the world over and got the scoop on a lot of upcoming movies in Japan. The new Appleseed movie, released mid-April, looks like it has some beautiful, eye-candy CGI animation. STEAMBOY, a steam-punk, save-the-world anime set in London during the World's Fair and animated by the creator of Akira looks promising but a bit cliche. Unfortunately it, and the new Studio Ghibli/Miyazake film Howl's Moving Castle come out after I leave Japan and I can't bring myself to stay just to watch them in theatres unsubtitled for stupid amounts of money. I enjoyed Innocence, the sequel to Ghost in the Shell, when I went to see it with Alex, but I probably only understood two fifths of it from pure language and another fifth of it from context. Not only is Mamoru Oshii a total crackhead but the genre of film is difficult to understand even in ENGLISH. I'm glad the movie only cost me 1000 yen, versus Alex, who had to pay the full-admission 1800 yen to see it. And lastly, I stopped by a booth where they were promoting the new Card Captor Sakura movie (which is set in America of all places) and somehow ended up winning their raffle for an original animation cell. Lucky me? I'll post the cell when I remember to take pictures of it. The things they animate these days crack me up. >.<

I didn't really feel at all out-of-place at the expo, even white and female, but it did make me realize how little interest I have in anime any more. Certainly, there are some shows I enjoy, but those that I favor the most I seem to like because they hold some nostalgic value for me. Animation style has really evolved from the 1980s but I'm loathe to say it's gotten better. There's something more authentic about watching an episode of the original Bubblegum Crisis than some episode of god-awful Pretty Cure. Or maybe it's just that my tastes have gotten significantly more sophisticated (picky? narrow-minded?) since my days as an otaku. There was probably a time I could have enjoyed anything that was anime. No, scratch that, I enjoyed ridiculing bad anime but I didn't particularly like it. It's just that I was lucky enough to be introduced to and immersed in the "good stuff" (Ranma 1/2, Project A-ko, Roujin-Z, Bubblegum Crisis, My Neighbor Totoro, Akira, Escaflowne, etc etc) first. I certainly don't know if Sailor Moon falls into the "good stuff" category and it was the series with which I was most OBSESSED... but I was a middle-school girl, for chrissakes. And I rather enjoyed it the same way grown men enjoy pro-wrestling. I knew it was cornball entertainment, but some authentic part of myself identified with it. These days it's just more difficult to find anime I identify with. I'm sick of anime that attempts a mature plotline and dumbs it down with awful villains and stupid gags (see Rurouni Kenshin and Trigun for the aforementioned problem). It's a shame Cowboy Bebop didn't make it here, because that series had it going ON.

Err, anyway. I'm getting carried away about anime, aren't I? The point is, I had fun. Was it worth the 800 yen ticket? Definitely. Was it worth the 1300 yen round-trip total I paid in subway and yurikamome (monorail) fare? Uh, maybe not. However, I did make use of my one-day monorail pass and went to the Odaiba seaside mall afterwards and bought me some Tororo figurines at Toys R Us (this is why Japan is awesome and America is not). I also stopped by the Sony portion of the mall and played with Aibo and Q'RIO for about an hour before heading home.

Q'RIO lines up a shot...

And prepares to take it!

If I haven't mentioned it before, Odaiba is unmistakably From the Future. Like it just dropped out of the sky from 2014 or something. It's ALL NEW... and the buildings look like they're disassembled pieces of the Macross. It's too bad there's not actually anything to do at the building named "Tokyo Teleport." In fact, it would be be creepy if it weren't so cool. Odaiba is excessively entertaining for a part of the city that was built on a landfill. I give credit to the Japanese for making something out of nothing, that's for sure. I guess that's what they call "reclaiming land from the ocean," eh?

Today I went to Shinjuku Gyoen with my host family to ogle the Sakura (cherry blossoms) with, like, everyone else in the entire city. HOLY HANAMI, BATMAN! Not even half the trees are in full-bloom yet, but it was still impressive. Who needs an excuse to sit in a beautiful park on a day of 70-degree weather without a cloud in the sky and drink sake while looking at a sea of pink blossoms? Uh, not me! It was nice to get out for a bit and walk around, if anything.

The BIG MYSTERY of the day is this group of people that we came upon, walking the other direction. Who are they? Why is he wearing gloves and that awful suit? What's in the briefcase? Isn't she a bit young to be clinging to his hand like that? And lastly, what's with the thugs? The only people who wear sunglasses and suits like that in Tokyo on a sunny day are either foreigners or yakuza and I can see that these badasses are neither. Being as there are four(ish) of them posted around the strange folks in the center here, and all were wearing earbugs, I think it's safe to assume that they're bodyguards. Which, erm, still raises the valid question-- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE???

Japan is an unsolveable mystery... but at least it's seeming more and more normal. I suppose this means one of two things, either I'm becoming more warped or... or... uh... or... nope, I guess that's it.

Anyway, I've been writing too long and it's tedious and boring, so imma go now. Sometimes I really don't feel like sitting in my rather ergonomically incorrect computer chair and typing away. It really hurts my back. Then I remember that I own a twelve-inch laptop that is quite possibly one of the most capable and portable computers in the world. So I go sit in bed and do whatever. Like now. Ah, wireless internet and Apple. How wonderful is the world.

are you being served?
Guess who was the recipient of a shiny, new, 15GB iPod right out of the box... OH YEAH, It's me. My thoughts about taking the ol' clunker to the Apple Store were right. And so was my suspicion (despite what Ryan said) that the current iPod series contained a 15GB model. Therefore, the store had no problem replacing it for free. No scratches, a FULL BATTERY (yahoo!) and best of all, no crazy disc noises. Call me a satisfied customer.

Tomorrow I'm hopping over to Tokyo Big Sight in Odaiba to visit the Tokyo International Anime Expo dressed as a catgirl. You can also call me a freak, if you like. More on the Expo after I visit.

flashback
The bus continued to lumber on, even though the light had turned red and we were facing traffic with a green arrow. Out of the corner of my eye I saw it happen, the driver distracted by a passenger fumbling for change to buy a bus card after the last stop, the car in the left turn lane somehow oblivious to city transit careening by him. He turned, we drove, and I closed my eyes to block out the obvious. I was in the very front, raised seat by the bus entrance, over the stairs and in front of the large plate windshield. I didn't put out my hands to flip over the roll bar, as it occurred to me to do. Instead, I thought someone will die and realized that it wouldn't be any of us, but rather the unfortunate man in the sedan who drove under the bus.

But the bus rolled on, the car turned left, and no one was the wiser except maybe me, a flustered bus driver and one mid-commute Japanese salaryman too shocked to even lay on the horn.

************

I have to wait until the end of this coming month for my first paycheck from the new job. That's a big minus... but I'm basically getting paid $25 an hour to play with kids so I can't really complain. The big PLUS is that I don't feel bad touching my bank account to subsidize my living this month because I still have one regular client group each week that pays $40 per lesson AND with this once-a-month paycheck (hello, flashback to working at the UO) I'll get a huuuuuge month-and-a-half payload RIGHT BEFORE I go back to the states that I won't even have a chance to spend.

Even in financially awkward times where I'm carrying, say thirty dollars in my wallet (yeah, in the states I would have thought that a lot), is that I can still be really pleased when I buy myself a nice, ten-dollar bouquet of flowers to brighten up my room.

************

If you can't tell, I don't think I'm going to write much about my trip. I'll probably get into the stories a bit more once I've finished maintenance on my computer and gotten all the photos edited down to size [almost done there]. I saw a lot of crazy stuff that some of you out there will probably find hilariously interesting, but the fact is that most of it escapes me from moment to moment, even though the superb feeling of having accomplished a dream lingers on. I'm so swept up in life right now that I've already moved past the stories and onto the next thing. So I apologize for that... but there will definitely be pictures. And the pictures tell the stories for themselves.

the recipe for AWESOME
Ingredients: One rainy night. One free house. One rented jyoujunigakubou CD-- these 12 awesome Chinese chicks with crazy asia-fu music. One billion assortments of foodstuffs.

Directions: Take leftover veggies from last night. Combine with in saucepan with half-size container Classico olive and mushroom flavored spaghetti sauce (470 yen-- OUCH) and fresh mushrooms (250 yen-- eh). Simmer. Make salad. Boil water. Slice garlic. Cut bread. Add 2/6 package Italian Import spinach fettuccine (380 yen-- also ouch, but with 3 servings left) to boiling water. Toast french bread (furansu pan!) with butter and garlic. Make hot cocoa with 3.8% milkfat milk (don't forget to call it co-co-AH as do the Japanese).

Put butter, sauce and parmesagn cheese on pasta. Arrange other food perfectly. Take pictures of finished product because you know it looks and tastes TEH AWESOME. Or maybe just because you are TEH CRAZY.

yep. awesome.
This is why I want a "WHAT WHAT" for my host mom being out. I love cooking... but only NO-PRESSURE cooking without people hanging by like I'm making food from freaking Mars. It's been SO LONG since I've been able to make myself nice food. But yes, I'd also forgotten how much it sucks sitting down to a GOOD meal (read: not one you want to wolf down just to stop feeling hungry) all alone. Great, I get to look forward to one more year of it at college-- but not without plenty of interludes with friends, I'm sure.

You know what? I'm going to take a bath and go to bed completely satisfied. That was some of the best pasta I've ever made.

NEWS FLASH
Student brings a gun to MY OLD MY SISTER'S HIGH SCHOOL.

OK America, you were already officially FUCKED UP but now it's PERSONAL.

Micheal Moore, where are you??

the morning report
I think I've developed a preference (addiction?) for coffee in the morning. Over the last month, I've drank more Starbucks, Japanese or otherwise, than I have cumulatively over my entire life. You know, Starbucks makes a good breakfast. It's a shame all the drinks here cost the same as a size DOWN in the US and are minus a significant portion of coffee.

This morning, probably because I stayed up until 3AM last night and couldn't sleep for the bit saw running outside my window this morning, I decided to go get a canned latte from the Co-op to go with my morning BREAD.

Yes, this morning's breakfast was made up of Japanese wacko-bread. If you've ever seen much anime (notably Ranma), you probably have some idea what I'm talking about. I seriously thought it was a JOKE when the kids at Furinkan high school started throwing Yaki-soba bread, curry bread and fish bread at each other. Nope. Not a joke. The Japanese love to put mysterious and undefinable substances of ALLLLLL flavors into or onto bread. The result? This morning I had a chocolate muffin (yum), a flake crust boat shaped pastry with flaked tuna and some sort of white cubed substance (cheese? daikon?) atop it (surprisingly also yum), and a white-bread lump with what looked like two chicken nuggets glued to the top by cheese. I didn't eat that last one.

Actually, I've gotten rather fond of sampling wacko-bread. Most of it comes out surprisingly tasty, even if it comtains some sort of mayonnaise or cream substance. For example, Melon bread, a convenience store staple, has never turned me on, but when we came across a vendor selling fresh, oven-hot buns in Kyoto, it blew my mind. Most things containing chocolate are passable for that very fact. But I refuse to eat yaki-soba bread. Who the hell needs more carbs with their other greasy carbs? UGH.

Thankfully, the latte I got at the Co-op seems to be doing its trick and goes nicely with chocolate-muffin substance. Alas, I made an unfortunate discovery on the way to get my latte-- though the construction crews have almost finished with the new ramen shop DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW and have now moved from backhoes to bit-sanders on the interior, another crew has started demolion of the abandoned, mystery house on the adjacent corner. It also sticks out into the sidewalk and will hinder street expansion. Not to mention no one lives there.

Well, crap. I never liked sleeping late anyway. And now I have coffee to be my friend. Coffee, ear plugs and messed-up bread.

GOOD MORNING, JAPAN.

for the love of FOOD
Host mom is especially busy with her schoolkids before break and is coming home around 9 or 10 a few times this week. Instead of putting off dinner to an ungodly hour like we usually do, she finally got the idea to give me cash for each day she returns late so that I can go out for dinner, buy some pre-made food at the convini or make myself a meal at home.

Can I get a WHAT WHAT!!! (That's a good thing, by the way.)

As much as I love having food cooked for me (especially free food), both the hours my host family keeps and the food they serve can be a bit tiresome. I've passed up many an evening's chance to go out in lieu of eating the free food I get at home. I love eating at restaurants. I love sampling depato-chika cuisine. And damn, if I have the time, I sure love cooking for myself.

Tonight I made beans and rice. I haven't had beans and rice for... seven months now? ACKKKK. With the price of veggies and canned goods here, I was surprised that I crammed my total in under the 1000 yen per-meal budget my host mom has assigned me. Celery here costs $2 for a few sparse stalks. I passed on the celery but got a truckload of other veggies and even a container of cumin for future use. Lord knows my family doesn't stock CUMIN. It's too... ethnic.

I had planned to turn up the tunes and dance around while I cooked, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) Host Sister was home. So I did the polite thing and offered her some of the finished product, THEN turned up the tunes and danced around while cooking, which was made somewhat more awkward by her lingering pacing throughout the living room and repeated trips to the kitchen sink where she exhaled hard countless times and consumed innumerable glasses of water. Yes, I appreciated her telling me it smelled good but I mean, really, I'd only just put the onions in the pan. I don't think she liked it either... I bet it's too spicy for her tastes... but secretly I was hoping she wouldn't because it means MORE FOR MY LUNCH TOMORROW!! YATTA!

I think I'll either go out for ramen in Ikebukuro with the next day's ten bucks... or maybe I'll make spaghetti.

The best part? This is going to become a semi-regular thing. As much as it's sort of sad, I'll readily accept the change in pace (and cuisine) this opportunity provides. It means I don't have to be such a stinge when friends ask me out for dinner.

MMmm... tanoshimi shiteru no! (Yahoo!)

i pod, you pod, we all pod
Thank God there's an Apple store in the Ginza. My 15GB iPod, which is less than a year old (and therefore thankfully covered by Apple's 1-year limited warranty), is having some semi-serious to major disc problems. I suspect it's been having trouble for some time, as I noticed that the battery drain on it was far more than it should have been after not having been used for a while.

I might not have noticed there was a bigger connected problem at all but when turned it on to check my address book when we were in Kyoto, the display came up with vertical scrolling lines (think old film) and a horizontal flickering line in the lower quarter of the screen. It scared the crap out of me instantly, so I restarted it... with the same result. Next it occurred to me to check the battery, which I noticed was at zero. So then, probably only because I'm a tech, I put the box to my ear and indeed it was making funny disc noises... like it was scanning for something. It made the noises whether or not there was a song playing and throughout the whole reset-restart process.

What fun. A fuxxored iDisc.

I recharged it and the noises stopped. That, and the thought that I could reformat and reload the firmware at home pretty much put it out of my mind. I haven't reformatted or anything yet... but the problem apparently wasn't resolved by a simple recharge. The 'pod is still spinning away... EVEN WHEN IT'S OFF... which explains the mysterious battery drain to zero.

I'm going to be pissed if I have to pay the $30 for "shipping and handling" (MY ASS!) of a 6-month old under-warranty 'pod... but I have to admit I'm surprised to see that there's a 1-year warranty at all. I thought I was going to have to write Apple a scalding letter, which is how I usually ensure that I get my way.

My iPod is my life --if only for the running soundtrack it gives me-- and I would never drop or mishandle it. It better damnwell have a long and happy life or someone's gonna get an earful. Especially because I JUST, JUST bought a Belkin audio recorder to go with it, after a 5 month long wait for the product to arrive in Japan (so I could use my Bic Camera point card on it and save $20 off the US price! YATTA!).

iPod needs to live, not just to function as my backup music but now to function as my "Captain's Log." I hope they give me a new one for free. Then there won't have to be any scalding letters and stalkerish behavior.

today.
Today I am glad to be alive.

The wounds no longer bleed. Not in cold and not in rain. Not by words or proximity or absence.

Today is another day like yesterday and the day before. Tomorrow I will wake up again free of the sinking and rotting drip of my slow desire to flee. This day and the next and for how ever many more days and nights I can remain whole, I will simply treasure where I am and who I am with.

I like this quiet. It pervades me like light does a prism.

It occurs to me now that perhaps this is how life was meant to be.

When I've recovered from the last trip and this slight cold, I'll be back to a normal posting schedule. Pictures up in a few days.

tattoo
I've thought again and again that I would never desire a tattoo... but I find myself inexplicably drawn to this.

What do you think?

FUCKING HELL.
Another quote from our beloved president:

"There is no neutral ground in the fight between civilisation and terror, because there is no neutral ground between good and evil, freedom and slavery and life and death."

I'm sorry, WHAT? No neutral ground between... WHAT? We're being led by a man so vehemently dense and fanatically devout that he sees only in black and white. What a fucking moron. MORON!!!!!!!1111

Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?

the temple
I'm blogging from the Apple Store in Tokyo Ginza (on a Japanese keyboard, so forgive any spelling and punctuation errors). Alex leaves Tokyo tomorrow and though I'll be glad to finally rest-- and am COMPLETELY satisfied with my travels-- it's going to be hard to be without a close friend nearby. Regardless of how comfortable I've become functioning in Japanese, there is still a considerable language barrier preventing me from communicating my real self and from understanding the hearts and minds of the people around me. Since I'm SO verbally expressive in English, it makes me feel more than a little frustrated and lonely not to be able to call up the words I need when I need them.

Still, I've learned and accomplished more over the last six weeks than I ever could have expected. I feel finally solid on my own two feet-- not just in Japan but in my own life. When I started this break, I was unsure I'd made any progress with ANYTHING since coming to Japan... but now I know that I've far exceeded my own hopes. I haven't just learned about Japan and the Japanese but in extreme depth about myself.

Any way I try to put my mental and emotional progress into words sounds stupid and corny... so please excuse. In the last three weeks, somehow, my deepest seated fears have been assuaged and the wounds that have ached sort of unhealed for the last four years have finally healed. How? I can't really make sense of it either because it's still too new to look at in retrospect... but everything finally makes sense. It's as if my path has finally been revealed to me. And I know, of course, that nothing is for certain but I feel a calm in my heart that even if I'm NOT seeing my path, I can confidently tread whatever road lies in front of me.

Outside of the extreme internal progress I've made (and all that gorgeous psychobabble), the trip was amazing for so many other reasons. Yeah sure, there were days (like today) when the weather sucked, there were some pretty shady people we met and some pretty wacky places we stayed... and there were times (a lot of them) when for lack of food, sleep, or time, I became an intolerable, anxious, neurotic bitch. But that's nothing out of the ordinary and all of it was expected. I came out on top for finances and saw everything I wanted to see and more.

The eight days Alex and I spent in Kansai were blessed (mostly) with phenomenal weather. We happened to be visiting in an off-season lull right before Sakura Hanami (cherry blossom viewing) madness, so all the temples were devoid of tour groups. I was surprised by how often we were in the right place at the right time, so to speak. We happened to be in Nara for the Nigatsudo (temple) water-drawing and fire ceremony, a crowded but amazing experience. The first time we were in Kyoto, we met two of my friends from Waseda on a city bus for the 5 minute interval we rode it. Then, directly after that, we met Akebono and his entourrage at Ginkakuji. And though we were told there were no big festivals in Kyoto while we were to be there, when we came back a week later, we happened to be at Kiyomizudera (another temple) JUST as they were about to start a dragon dance ceremony that was performed only seven times a year at 2PM of the chosen day. That week, the streets and temples stretching from north to south on the eastern part of the city (where we were staying) were lit by lanterns and lined with Ikebana exhibits and the temple gardens were open late until 9:30PM for special night viewings.

The weather has cooled from an exceptional 75 degrees to around 45 and raining (hope it doesn't hinder the flowers!!) but I'm not feeling pressed to see anything more of this city with Alex. I've come to know Tokyo so well that I feel satisfied just sitting around in cafes and looking out at the streets. I know I can get to where I'm going in due time. This place may be an oppressive and overwhelming mix of light and sound but I think that I've mastered it.

I got my schedule for next term and my grades for last. (Big surprise) I managed all As in my classes and recieved a congratulations from the Kokusaibu dean. Hopefully this term will be somewhat lighter as I'd prefer to do more sitting around outside in the heat than dicking around with busy work. I'm again anticipating that my profs will be good and class content satisfying (I've got a social anthropology class with a final photo/video project!) but who can say. I guess I'm ready to get back to it.

Meh. Enough pointless blather for now. I'll have photo galleries up in the next two weeks and I'm planning to write up reviews and rate the places we stayed with advice for any would-be travellers to Japan. (I think I'm qualified to advise now. ) I'll be back tomorrow with real content.

AUGFHDSFHJGFG!!!!!
It's the cutest thing EVARRRR!!!!11

[Credit to Nate through Alex for finding this Flash animation]

KANSAI

Chinzanso Gardens teahouse

I'm off again, this time with my good friend Alex for eight days in the Kansai region to tour Kyoto, Nara, Osaka and stay one night at a temple lodging on Koya mountain, one of the primary buddhist worship sites in Japan. Of course, we have the obligatory 7(ish) days in Tokyo together, too, before he returns to the states on the 22nd. Then it's back to the humdrum of real "vacation" with nothing to do for me before classes start on the 1st of April.

Ciao!

Tweet Tweet, Beep Beep

Sapporo Snow Festival dinosaur sculpture

Interestingly enough, I just spent ten minutes convincing my host family that the noise dinosaurs make, contrary to what they heard on TELEVISION this morning, is NOT "tweet, tweet." I discovered this fact after my parents saw the above picture and proceeded to "tweet" at it. I was confused enough to give this statement consideration as, you know, I've seen Jurassic Park and I know there are plenty of small dinosaurs that MIGHT say something LIKE "tweet, tweet." But no, to my host mom's disappointment at her delicious English skills, T-Rex does NOT say "tweet, tweet." What DO dinosaurs say? I gave my best Chewbacca impression but when attempting to translate it into sound effect only came up with "ROAR." Lame.

They didn't seem to want to believe that "tweet, tweet" is the English equivalent of Japanese "piyo, piyo," the noise that little chickies and cute things make. It is NOT a dangerous or remotely dinosaur-iffic noise. Now what I wonder is, was this a joke they misunderstood... or is NHK really TRYING to create Engrish with English? Where, of all things, did they come up with "tweet, tweet"?

Justin, my host dad says you look like Ben Stiller. He also says not to tell you because he doesn't want you to get mad since Ben Stiller is a comedian and you might find that insulting. I think you're apt to find Ben Stiller's FRIKKIN' HUGE ears more insulting. The result of all this? I have a huge craving to watch Zoolander and no access to the DVD. Bah.

Also, To the NumbNuts at the KEIO bus company who can't run the busses on time,

If I am standing at the bus stop on a Thursday at 4:09PM and on the bus schedule next to me it is written that a bus should arrive at 4:14 and 4:22 and that one has just arrived at 4:06, why is it that it could even be remotely possible for me to STILL BE WAITING for ONE BUS TO PASS at 4:24PM?!?!? As much as I love taking life at your leisure, if I am made late for ONE MORE JOB because some dumbshit can't write or read correctly the bus schedule, I will write a letter of complaint to your company. I should not have to wait twenty minutes when busses come every eight. THANK YOU.

That Smile

Day one: tour by car

Yesterday was the first day I've left the house all week. This week is to be a week of respite and preparation for the next bout of travel... but I really just feel unmotivated to do anything, including sleep. I'm feeling a bit more beat down than is healthy. In spite of that, when I went out with New York Chris, Reinier and Yuuya to Roppongi, I was surprised how much more comfortable and in control I felt about living in Tokyo.

When I was walking home from the Oedo line station to my house, fattened by a 4800 yen Fois Gras and lamb dinner and toting a branch of peach blossoms for the Hina Matsuri (both courtesy of Chris's ludicrious spending habits), I realized that what's really different is not my grasp on the city but my ability to enjoy it in good fun.

My relationship with Tokyo is somewhat similar to that of a novice masochist's relationship to a seasoned dominatrix. I want to enjoy myself but I'm too busy being slapped into submission at every turn and muttering "ow, softer!" to realize that all I have to do to enjoy myself is let go and take it like I should. I guess I wouldn't make a good submissive.

There are days like yesterday, however, where I can walk around (in Roppongi of all places) open and ready to take whatever Tokyo can throw at me. Days like that, I find myself grinning and singing as I walk down the sidewalk, some carnal place in the back of my mind bowing in awe at the massive, pulsing life of the city and demanding, "MORE."

liquor is quicker

Okinawa: Izakaya: Awamori

She hid the Awamori from my host dad.

First, I realize that no one will find this funny except Justin. Let me begin by backtracking a little bit. While in Okinawa, we had the pleasure of discovering Awamori, the local fire-water. After all, how could one not discover it when every omiyage-ya (souvenir shop) is half-stocked with it and every other building is a liquor store specializing in-- you guessed it-- Awamori. The strength is somewhat similar to vodka, though it comes in various proofs (48, 60, 86) and many different "flavors."

The most well known (and expensive) Awamori is that distilled with and infused by the body of a dead, deadly Habu snake. We didn't have the pleasure of sampling that variety, as it was out of our price range, but our first night in Nara we did get more than a little sloshed on a flask of 10-year variety that tasted like your average, not-so-bad hard liquor. We drank it straight, we drank it on the rocks, we drank it wil beer and afterwards we drank it in samples at the shops and then resorted to Chu-hi when those shops closed. Like I said, we were more than a little inebriated.

When we left Okinawa, we picked up several bottles of Awamori as souvenirs for various (unfortunate?) loved ones. In particular, I picked up a 3000 yen 12-year limited run bottle for my host father. That man loves to drink. When he comes home from work (on the days that I see him), he usually downs a few 500ml Asahi Super Dry beers. Some days he elects for a bottle of wine and can usually finish 3/4 of one by himself easy, perhaps even coupled with an Asahi. He's explained to me several occasions that this is just what the salaryman does after a hard day's work: drink beer, eat dried squid and other izakaya snacks while watching TV. I guess that he's probably mostly right, as I can understand anyone who works 10-12 hour days doing grunt work as a suit for other suits in a Japanese government office might need a few strong drinks... but I also get the impression that Host Dad just loves his liquor. When we were giving out the gifts, I handed him the wrapped Awamori to open and he said, giving it a slight shake, "Now this, THIS I well understand!"

Don't get me wrong, he's not an alcoholic by any means. I don't think he NEEDS to drink; I think he just LOVES it. He can drink more than a LOT by my reckoning and the only signs of inebriation he shows is a slightly more jovial personality, a wavery, tracking gaze and the tendency to fall easily and completely asleep.

Of course, when we gave him the Awamori-- coupled with a blue glass sake set from Otaru in Hokkaido-- he had to crack into it right away. Admittedly, it was a pretty good brew with a sweet sort of aftertaste... but at 30% alcohol, I was surprised to see how much he drank. And drank. And this after his evening's beer and with no real dinner. I swear to god that half of that 720ml bottle was gone before my host mom removed it from the table.

We had quite the fun time, but when it came time to say goodnight and goodbye, Host Dad was crashed out on the couch dead asleep.

So tonight, when he ran out of beer and discovered that there was none in the upstairs fridge, he went to look downstairs, muttering that there was probably none there either. I told Host Mom I'd gladly go buy some for him, as he looked burnt out, but she said he'd probably go after the Awamori instead. There was a quick look that passed beween us, knowing that if he did that, it'd be gone, and she jumped from in front of the stove to where the box had sat for the past week on the TV table, said "ah, let's hide it!" and shoved it under the couch as he came up the stairs.

"Jya, beeru ga nai kara..." (Well, there's no beer) he said, "sorede, Awamori" (so... Awamori...) The two of us, of course, giggled but he didn't notice or understand until we heard, from across the room, "Ara! Doko!?!" (Huh! Where!?!) and then we started outright laughing. At that point, I'm sure he figured it out but Host Mom just gave him a look and said, "The last time you drank it, you know you drank too much. In fact, you drank it all!" Bewhildered, he simply sat down and said "really...?", but not before picking up the dog, who had taken his chair, and asking him,

"Saa, Lucky-kun, you haven't seen my Awamori, have you?"

play

Asakusa grade-schooler

I spent the whole morning being molestered by first-graders. As shy as they were at first (I heard them whispering among themselves whether they should greet me with "harro [hello]," "konnichiwa," or at all), I soom had groups of little mini girl-children dragging me around attached to my arms. They were intent on showing me around the school, including using the liberty of their new-found authority to do things that they wouldn't normally be allowed to do like banging on the drums in the music room, climbing lighting ladders in the gym and running rampant on the school roof. Of course, whatever superior status I'd been given by adding the sub-title "sensei" to my name was not enough to merit obedience when I said something was dangerous or "probably not good" to do. Damn near gave me a heart attack.

Being first graders, the kids didn't seem to be required to do much of anything resembling true "Schoolwork," except the practice of various reading and writing. Over half of their day was spent in calinsthetics, recess, cleaning the classroom and eating lunch. When I ate with them, they assaulted me with questions about what sort of food we ate in America, how old I was, whether I knew about the Tokyo Tower and what I thought of Japan. For some reason, most of them (and even the adults in the teacher's lounge) thought I was a New Zealander or Australian upon first glance. I guess Americans are still pretty rare here. When they kids found out I was 21, they all screamed WAKAI!!! (YOUNG!!!) uproariously, and even more so when they heard I was a college student. Still, several of the girls attached to my arms found it even more thrilling to learn that I DIDN'T have kids and I WASN'T married but I had a boyfriend in America. What puzzles me was their amazement with my marital status and lack of children given the increasing marriage age and declinging birth rate in Japan.

The first graders were most thrilled when I was on their team for dodge-ball during morning calinsthetics. I had a squad of three or four of them blockading me from the opposite team at all times. And I now gather that although they regularly perform these morning exercises in naught but shorts and tee-shirts, the kids aren't immune to cold. Most of them spent the whole time with their arms tucked against their chests inside their shirts. Makes me wonder what they do when it snows!

I felt slightly odd playing on teams with the kids in the morning and then again at recess when they invited me to tag. Later in the day, when a group of fourth-graders elected me to dodge-ball with them, I realized what the weird feeling was. Aside from my towering stature and otherwise physical discomfort, I felt awkward simply because it has been so long since I've played like a child. I tried, since a very young age, to remind myself that I would never forget how to play and never give up playing, but somehow the activity has still slipped away from me. Now, trying it again (although out of my age group) made me feel... old. I found myself worrying that someone would be hurt, that I didn't know how to play the right way, and that everyone was out to get me when, in fact, they were just having a good-old game. I don't remember what it's like to be a part of games like that. Maybe I've lost the ability?

I'd like to think that, instead, I've moved on to other games played in other arenas. But it seems sad to me still that trying to "play" with and like children now makes me mentally (not so much physically) exhausted. My host mom goes to the school every day at 7:30AM and doesn't come back till near six. Sometimes she does grading for several hours in an evening. With a class size of over thirty students and several chronic class clowns to handle I can see why she always falls asleep around ten.

The kids in this school seem to have a much bigger reign of the place than I remember having as a child. Then again, being in an elementary school again made me realize that I don't, in fact, remember much of that time at all. Which is a shame. When did I start to worry so much about children hurting themselves? Or misbehaving? Or that they might be wicked or too curious? When did all the good things that I enjoyed myself at that age turn into things worry me at this one?

Am I such a crone already?

The few, the proud
According to CNN.com, regular net Bloggers are a rare breed.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Despite the potential of turning every Internet user into a publisher, relatively few have created Web journals called blogs and even fewer do so with regularity, a new study finds.

Some bloggers indeed update their journals often, in some cases several times a day. But it's clearly a minority who are taking advantage of the blog and its potential to steer the online discourse with personal musings about news events and daily life.

The Pew Internet and American Life Project, in a study released Sunday, found that somewhere between 2 percent and 7 percent of adult Internet users in the United States actually keep their own blogs.

Of those, only about 10 percent update them daily, the majority doing so only once a week or less often.

"The impression out there is that a lot of the blog activity is very feverish," said Lee Rainie, the Pew project's director. "That's not the case. For most bloggers, it's not an all-consuming, all-the-time kind of experience."


YEA YEA. Props to me for blogging every day AND not considering it an all-consuming experience.

walking through the mirror

Rainbow Bridge from Odaiba

Now that I'm "alone" again in a world where language is mostly mystery, a fog has come over me. This familiar haze is something I've learned to live with; only now (not yet anyway) it can't touch the well of clarity that's pooled inside of me. Bits of synthesized memory keep drifting through my head, light as the white dove feathers I stole away from the Yasukuni shrine. I want to sit and claim these emotions by writing letters... but when I try, the words fail me. I have the sense that, even more important than letters sent out to other recipients, these things need to be heard by me and, for once, believed.
*****
Tomorrow I'm going to TA at the elementary school where Host Mom teaches. I stayed inside all day today, hiding from the sleet that suddenly struck Tokyo in spite of yesterday's unseasonal warmth. I'm a bit tired of being gassed with Carbon Monoxide from my gas heater and I think that the more I sit around, the more hibernatively introspective I'll become. It's probably better for me to get up and move a bit. I've seen a lot of this city lately; it's nice that it feels more like a home and less like an enemy.

Coming soon... the Tokyo Top 50 photo gallery. (Okinawa and Hokkaido to follow)