Mm-mmmh Good
I realized today that the things I enjoy most in life truly are "simple" things. Things like cooking, working out, reading, knitting, running small errands require me to focus only on one thing: the task at hand. I'm finding it more and more frustrating to work on projects and assignments that are supposed to tie sweeping concepts, anecdotes, and facts together into a polished product. I simply cannot wrap my mind around them. Not for a lack of an attention span but because I get too caught up in what the end result is "supposed" to be to devote my full attention to any one of the pieces. Grrh.

I just spent almost the whole entirety of this afternoon making and eating a huge batch of Japanese curry, slow-cooking the vegetables and thickening the sauce. Then I sat and ate it lazily, watching Newlyweds and cursing that I wasn't born rich. I do like making things, taking raw materials and infusing them with ideas until I can savor the finished product. The problem is that it's too difficult sometimes to apply that theory to what's required of me rather than what's voluntary.

Rain & Shine

[ Photos: Spring Break @ Rockaway Beach ]

We left late on Thursday night for the coast, where we had mixed weather, as expected, and, also as expected, drank and ate ourselves into a stupor. Had a good time with board games, wine, cheese, and the beach. Later the next week I shipped off to Seattle for Easter with my family and Justin's family. Now it's back to the grind, with only one academic class and nothing to do till noon on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. *yawn* If only I could get my ass in gear and finish my final feature story for the thesis...

the drinkingest day ever

Happy St. Patty's Day! May all your friends mummify you in toilet paper.
And to all I know at the UO, have a great Spring Break-- I'm outta here...
gone from blogland till at least Wednesday. Ciao!

さくら

[ We're having an early spring, so it's time for hanami pics! ]

From the mouths of demons
Well, well, well. It looks like even the AOL-Time Warner Megacorp has a heart. They've reworded their TOS after the controversy.

Tough as Nails
Got me a manicure AND a pedicure today. Hot stuff. Other than that, much the same as usual-- spending time on the thesis and at the gym. Whatever makes me feel good. Looks like I might pick up landscaping duties for my triplex in exchange for a $30/ month discount on rent. That suits me fine, as I like playing in the dirt and our yard is about the size of a postage stamp. Now that the landlord has an electric mower in lieu of the push mower that nearly killed my roomie's boyfriend last year, I think I can handle it. Huttah, spare change.

Jerks Jerking Off
Jesus Christ. What'll happen next? As if AOL-Time Warner didn't own ENOUGH of the universe, now AOL Instant Messanger (AIM) includes in its terms of service exclusive rights to reproduce and manipulate ANY content distributed across its networks. That's right, Corporate jerks are jerking off in their offices right now reading logs of all you n00bs' cyber-sex encounters. Hello, privacy? Copyright infringement? Common decency? Where are you?

it's magnetic!

[ Seen in the parking lot of PC Market, one magnetic poetry car. ]

The End
It's over. It's ooooo-vah. This term, my last Winter Term. My Japanese major, the last Japanese class I'll probably ever take. And wow, is it ever strange, and somehow very sad.

Now to take a much-deserved rest.


...

Just kidding. HAHAHAHAA. Had you there for a second, didn't I? I *meant,* "and now to do some much-needed work on my thesis. Right-o, back to it.

stupid blood
I went back to the bloodmobile today to have my hemoglobin tested on the off chance that it would be high enough to donate. It was, a surprising 13.3 after yesterday’s 12.0. My iron supplements couldn’t have registered yet, so it must have been something silly like cold hands.

However, the blood lady hit a valve when she stuck the needle in my vein and my stupid blood was coming out too slowly for their tastes. After fishing around with for greater depth for a few minutes, which is entirely painless but really gross looking, she managed to contaminate my quarter-bag of blood with non-sterile air and had to axe the whole process.

Because I’d donated a quarter bag, they couldn’t try my other arm. And I’m still barred from donation for the traditional eight weeks. GOD DAMN IT.

So I ate a fucking cookie anyway. And now I’m going to cry.

I don’t know why I get so excited about donating blood and upset when I can’t. Nor do I care. I’ll just accept it as one of those strange facts of life.

strange moments in time
I have a strange fixation with giving blood. I went to give today before class and sat next to this Jewish guy translating some holy hebrew text, who seemed as gung-ho about effortless altruism as I was. But the clock was ticking so I ended up ducking out before my evaluation and running to class.

It's a good thing I did, because class lasted all of five minutes before the prof handed out evaluations and left. And we had to turn in our final papers.

Then I headed back over to the bloodmobile, where I was seated next to a cute hulk of a boy who immediately saw that I'd been to Japan on my sheet (and consequently probably also saw that I'm taking birth control pills) and started to chat with me about it. He'd live in Japan for three months doing Camp Adventure in Okinawa and Yokohama. We geeked out about Tokyo for a few minutes, and the Japanese language, before it came out somehow that he was from Seattle. So am I... my family's lived on the East Side for several years now. No kidding, he says. He grew up in Factoria. Went to my high school. Graduated in my class. And I have no idea who he is.

His jaw dropped when I told him I went to Newport. He obviously had no idea who I was either, but suddenly seemed a whole lot more interested. He asked me who my friends were and I sheepishly had to admit that in the two years I was there (junior, senior), I trolled some friends but never made any good ones. And I *can't* remember names, except that of one girl in the grade above me. When he tells me his name, I recognize it instantly. He was one of those popular kids. But there's no connotation to it. What kind of person was he? I can't remember. He named some names of his friends and they all register much the same.

At that point he was called in to have his iron count evaluated, and I mulled over what had just happened. Newport had some nice popular people and some asshat-ish ones. I'm not sure who Eric Butterfield hung out with, but it's certain that he wouldn't have given me the time of day six years ago. Strange how things change.

High school owes me some reparations for kicking my ass six ways to Sunday. It was nice to meet someone who didn't dredge up disappointing memories but instead confirmed my hopes that Bellevue can indeed produce people interested in more than their own material wellfare.

I didn't even end up giving blood. My iron count was too low (shock, surprise, I'm on my period). As I walked out I gave a nod to Eric, thinking I'd just call it good at that and not risk bringing up my awkward in-between years. But he wanted my number, so we might meet the last weekend of break when I'm in Seattle. Serendipity is a powerful thing. Either that, or I've just gotten a whole lot better looking.

Dead
It's Dead Week, so that means I'm down for the count. I ticked one final presentation off my list today, which means all that I have left (sarcasm) is a feature story tomorrow, another final presentation Thursday, and a final paper on Friday. Yippee. See you when it's all over.

Losing Hatoon: Part II

[ Photos of Hatoon's shrine and memorial ]

We went wearing black, but only enough that our sneakers and jeans wouldn't be conspicuous. This is Eugene, after all, and though my roommate and I were attending the memorial of a campus "legend," we knew she wasn't the type who would request or require formality. In tribute to Hatoon, who always had her lips on, I wore the brightest, reddest lipstick I own. On the way out the door, I grabbed a the funny peach rose I'd picked up the other day.

I wanted to feel something, sadness perhaps, or mourning, but instead I felt the same as I'd felt all week... numb, confused, and preoccupied by the death of this woman who I only knew in passing and whose presence was no more than a ghost in my life. I think I'm still struggling to find meaning in Hatoon's death; something apart from my guilt for never having spoken to her.

And I do wish I hadn't just passed her by. From the stories I heard today, mostly told by aging hippies who knew her in the 60's, 70's and 80's, when she was still partially lucid, I could have learned a lot from Hatoon. Hatoon helped even the younger generation find themselves. And that was what she wanted, wasn't it? A girl from Blue Heron Bicycles spoke, shuddering from nerves and grief, to a crowd somehow both bigger and smaller than I expected. She, among others, told us about Hatoon's "research," her paranoid project to protect the children of the world and cure all diseases so that only perfect babies would be born and people could live together.

Hatoon's biggest obstacle was her own pain, not her mental illness or her homelessness. From what I understand, she chose to live outside the bookstore, and in return was embraced by members of the University community in times of need. And she was "crazy," but mostly in a joyous way. Hatoon had the kind of insanity that one gets from stepping too close to the fire and falling in. The kind that makes you wonder who's really insane... the "crazy" one or society.

No one confirmed Hatoon's diagnosis as schizophrenia, MPD, drugs, or a combination of the three. People mostly shared stories and tried to ignore the vulgar shouts of another girl (the one I mentioned in the previous entrie's comments) teetering similarly on the verge of social instability. (Also not sure what this girl's deal is, but she does have a problem.) There was a lot of laughter and a few tears on a beautiful day that would have made Hatoon happy.

But perhaps she was there.

As the ceremony opened, from nowhere, a brown and white speckled hawk swooped overhead, fifteen feet above the audience, to settle in the branches of a large oak tree. After looking on from above, it disappeared, only to return exactly as the ceremony was closing, again circling overhead unusually close and again settling in the same tree. The gasps were audible; some people pointed, others burst into tears. I stood still, transfixed, with goosebumps rising on my skin. It was perhaps the most auspicious thing I have ever seen.

The Big Project: Tanuki Magazine
Here's the moment you've all been waiting for. (Riiight.) I'm gonna stop being all secretive and reveal all the exact details of my grueling Honors Thesis. That way, when I complain, as I plan to do a lot, you'll know exactly what I'm whining about.

The gist of it is that I'm designing a magazine from the ground up; content, design, marketing research, everything. I'll be presenting to my thesis committee the finished, printed, 32-page magazine (as a representative issue of a monthly publication), a marketing proposal, and a critical analysis of my own work.

Theme:
The magazine is an exploration of Japanese pop culture in America and Japan. It's a travel-oriented cultural magazine, designed to appeal to the same American youth demographic that loves anime and video games, but expanding on Asian culture outside that niche. The publication will be titled Tanuki after the animal, both real and mythological.

What is a Tanuki? Well, first read this if you don't know... but the basic summary is that Tanuki are shape changing tricksters who do what they have to do to survive. But they're not malicious, they're playful and creative. I'm using this character as a metaphor for Japanese pop culture and its evolution from the depths of tradition to modern innovation.

Content:
The magazine will be 32 pages long, in full color and with full bleed where applicable. I'm doing 95 percent of the writing myself, with several minor contributions from good friends. The design, with the exception of a comic and illustration, will also be my original creation. Most of the content is in some form of draft right now, with the exception of one feature, the editor's note, and blurbs for the Front of the Book. I'm dedicating Finals Week and Spring Break to finishing and editing the content. The first 5 weeks of next term will be dedicated to design and the last 4 to organizing written supplements (approx 30 pages) to the magazine.

Here's the run of the book so far:
([D] denotes reoccuring department, [F] denotes feature)

pg. 1: FRONT COVER
pg. 2: Editor's note: Introducing Tanuki, Masthead
pg. 3: Table of Contents
pg. 4-5: [D] Hajimemasho (Let's Get Started): Blurbs on Japanese culture at home and abroad
pg. 6: [D] Travel tips: Making the best of train tickets and packages
pg. 7-- [D] Language: Surviving in a train station
pg. 8-11: [F] Americanime- Japanese animation takes over American TV
pg. 12-15: [F] As Light as a Dragonfly- Profile of Michael Bell, an traditionally trained Japanese swordsmith in America
pg. 16-21: [F] Photo Essay: Mount Koya, One of Japan's primary Buddhist Pilgrimage Destinations
pg. 22-25: [F] Learning the Ropes- Adjusting to Student Life Abroad in Japan and America
pg. 26: [D] Fashion: Kanji T-shirts sold in American Stores
pg. 27: [D] How-to Corner: How to Pay Respects in a Shinto Shrine
pg. 28: [D] Reviews: Movie (Bashun), Book (Kafka by the Shore), CD (GLAY single)
pg. 29: [D] Food: Sushi in America + Supermarket Sushi review + Sushi recipe
pg: 30-31: [D] Literature Corner: Translation of Natsume Souseki's Ten Night's Dreams + Closing Comments and Comic
pg. 32: BACK COVER

I think that's enough info for a brief idea of what the features contain and what the departments are about. If you're curious about anything, leave a comment and I'll expand.

Supplemental Thesis Work:
In addition to the magazine, I'm producing a marketing proposal that will present the magazine as a hypothetically "real" publication and outline the demand for and target demographic of the magazine. In the marketing proposal, I will present the magazine's mission statement and outline what purpose each department will serve, as well as suggesting future content and proposing writers' guidelines.

Finally, I will submit a critical review of my publication, reflecting on the publishing process and contrasting my magazine with the success and failure of other similar publications on the market. I will explore and critique the techniques I used in the creation of the magazine.

And there you have it, both why I love my thesis project and why it's kicking my ass. My advisors seem to think I'm going above and beyond the call of duty on this project. But I really want to make this a complete package. Call me an over-achiever, but I prefer to do things well if I'm going to do them at all. ^_^

from the weekend


Rachel and Micah's new Subaru is 1337.

So are we.

Losing Hatoon
There was this crazy woman who lived outside the University of Oregon bookstore. She slept under the same blue tarps where she stored all her personal effects. No matter how hot or cold it was, she walked around campus wrapped in layer upon layer of clothing, scraps of cloth and scarves tied around her head like some sort of bizarre turban. Her name was Hatoon.

Hatoon died yesterday while bicycling across an intersection on Franklin against the light. (Read the Daily Emerald account.)

I never knew her personally, but I knew her much in the same way that everyone else did. I've the rumors about her—- that she is an ex-professor, that she was abandoned by her rich family—- but all I really know is that she has been a campus fixture since I came to the UO five years ago and that she has a serious mental disorder. I saw Hatoon almost every day... at the bookstore, in the library, and sometimes in the gym, where she walked on the treadmill without removing a single layer of her clothing cocoon. She was always chattering incessantly at herself or sometimes starting an incomprehensible conversation with an unfortunate student. It's true, she was pretty far gone, but she seemed physically healthy and happy for a 67-year-old homeless woman.

The real irony is that only now that she's dead will people start to realize her value and miss her company. It was a shock to me to bike by her "home" outside the bookstore today and see her possessions gone, and in their place a lonely sign announcing her death and several bouquets strapped to the tree that stood over her bed. I still can't believe she's really dead. It's as if Frog, or the Banjo Guy, or the Radical Wacko who sings Bob Dylan, or Jesus Man or his conservative friend with the dog had died. Wow...it's just... weird and sad.

She supposedly has a daughter (!) but the authorities are having a difficult time locating her or any other family members. If they can't contact anyone, the Bookstore has said that it will finance her funeral. My curiosity makes me feel rude, but I'm considering attending her memorial service just to learn who she really was. I feel like I owe her memory that much.

academic dilemma
I had next term all planned out so that I was taking two courses, Advanced Japanese and Media Theory, as well as 6 thesis credits and one or two random PE classes as usual. I ended up signing up for 4 PE classes (Rock II, Wilderness Surival, Jog/Run, and Kundalini Yoga) without the intent of taking them all-- but I still want to.

Today I realized that I don't HAVE to take Advanced Japanese. I'm more than covered as far as language credits are concerned. I have my Japanese Major in my pocket. I don't NEED the class. So why should I take it? I can have more time to focus on my thesis and sleep, as well as the ability to fill up my schedule and credits with fun PE things.

What's the problem? Well, I'm an overachiever and the thought of missing an academic opportunity causes me to panic. I'm worried about my Japanese. This term I dropped the 4th year reading/writing class because it was stressful and the teacher was a bitch. Already my language skills have gone downhill, but with a full credit load this term and thesis work on my plate, I'm sure I saved my sanity.

I feel like this speaking/listening class helps me maintain my skills, but only minorly. I get good listening practice and a small amount of speaking practice. Most of the speaking work revolves around weekly news reports and media presentations twice per term-- things I dash off without great enthusiasm. As far as vocabulary and skit practice? Crammed into short term memory to suffer extinction a week later.

I'm worried about my Japanese. I know that after I graduate in the Spring, I won't be exposed to the language for at least three months, if not for an extended period of time. The thought of losing it completely upsets me, but I almost see it as inevitable. I don't feel like I get a huge benefit from this class, but I also feel guilty dropping it, like I'm "giving up" on my language major too soon.

Am I being anal retentive? What would you do?