Sumbitch
*God dammit, it was 'National Complement Day' and I forgot to swing my plan into action. How can I reinvent myself if I have a three second memory?
*New roomate went to get drunk at a friend's house. Again. On a Wednesday. At least he doesn't do it here. More power to him.
*Hurrah! We broke 1,000 hits today.

*So here's the actual philosophical thought of the day:

Right now I'm not lonely. [yay me!] Why is this? I haven't seen Wolf Pup in two weeks and we've only got a brief rendevous scheduled this weekend for Seattle. There are more people in my life and I'm making more time for them. I still seem to have the same hopeless envisionments of the future but, I guess, only time will tell for that. Right now, I don't "Need" anyone. I need all the people in my life but it's distrubing to find myself in this place of non-codependence. I let go of one thing to find that I let go of others as well. Makes sense- I always thought everything was linked. So now we enter the realm of endless possibility.

I'm feeling a little big for my skin. I don't know what to get out of the relationship that I've got. We're still in stasis . We can never really "be" or never really cease to exist. Again, I'm looking forward so much to the future that I don't really feel the present... a place that makes me very nervous and doubtful. I feel like a heat-seeking user, in a sense. I know where my comfort lies, but what lies without it? After a point, it always takes something like a swift kick in the nuts (which I lack, unfortunately) to make you re-realize those exact qualities you value so much in a person. [don't worry, I'm not going anywhere ^^] I'm just pondering the nature of relationships and what it is that people in general really want to get out of them.

First, there's reassurance of the self. I'm worth it. I'm sexy, I'm likeable, I'm warm. There's fascination with someone other than yourself, being close and getting to know someone. There's extreme comfort; solace, mental and physical. Of course there's shared experiences. Trust. Mutual Acquaintences. Making plans. Security. Knowing what you're coming home to. And sex, right. And then the years go by. So what am I looking for? I can either look at this and say "this is it?" or "yes, this is it." I still have a feeling I'm seeking something different. First, I don't think it exists. Second, stupidly, I refuse to give up that search.