Spiral...
It begins again. The inevitable downward spiral of a woman who places her trust in other people. Remind me not to let anyone touch the wheel anymore. I just came back from watching "Death" of "Death and Rebirth" and "End of Evangelion." Totally disorienting. It makes a little more sense to me now that I'm older and I can understand existentialism better. To a certain extent, I feel like Shinji, except not quite as manic and I think I can recognize my own disfunctionality to a point. I want to laugh right now, at anything- but for some reason I feel scared and vulnerable. I don't know where the future is going and so I can't commit to anything. I have no faith in anyone.

But I do have faith in myself. The faith that I'll be around to see what's on the other side.

If I see you, give me a hug, guys. It's what I need to get through the next few weeks. Coming home is going to be rough. It's not that I'm lonley, it's that I'm feeling distrustful [hence, isolated] and bruised.

See, us people with slight bipolarity aren't all bad. (nor are we all women, for that matter!) I love feeling so passionate about life. Whether it be one way or another, I feel strongly about the world. I live intensely and fiercely. I will take everything for all that it can be. I will watch and learn, I will get my own feet wet. No middle ground for me.