bitch and moan
Ugh, if I gain another kilo I'm seriously going to... gah, I don't know what I'm going to do. All you whiney suckers who were like "ooh, you'll lose so much weight eating the *healthy* Japanese food": blow me. Their food here is only healthier than American-style cooking if you eat like an American. And I don't. Didn't. I ate healthier and worked out more at home. So now the damage is being done and I HATE seeing/ feeling it happen.

The problem is, the source of it is entirely out of my control. I don't like someone else feeding me. I like being able to choose what I eat, what goes into it and how much of it I consume. My host mother is constantly giving me too much food and I am constantly, habitually, unconsciously eating it all both because I'm hungry and because I was raised not to waste food. On top of that, she's always like "oh no, no, have more" and pawns of on ME the family leftovers. EXCUSE ME??? I seriously have yet to see this woman eat an ordinary-sized meal portion. She barely eats anything.

I can't deal with someone else being in charge of my eating schedule and consumption. Thank God it's only for a year because I can't wait to get back to making my own meals again. >.< Not only is it nearly impossible for me to, without guilt or commentary, leave food on my plate but I can think of no good way to bring up a conversation revolving around the topic "please feed me less" when I'm always ravenous anyway. This leads me to the...

Second problem: I'm constantly hungry anyway. My metabolism flies through this food and leaves me half the day weak and with a hunger headache until the evening when I no longer have any self-control and munch from 7PM to midnight. What a fatass.

Maybe I'm hypoglycemic or something? I seriously need to eat SOMETHING every few hours or I feel ill.

The real problem second is that I can't see myself eating any LESS without becoming even MORE lightheaded and irritable. I'm not consuming sweets in unusual quantities or drinking alcohol in any amount that might promote weight gain. I'm just being fed more than I would normally eat in one sitting.

Third Problem: I. Don't. Have. Time. To. Work. Out. ARGH. With the commute and homework and everything, it's just not possible. And the most aggrivating thing is that while everyone ELSE seems to say "ooh, I walk so much moooore here" (lazy f-ers), I walked/ biked/ whatever so much MORE in Oregon.

So while I've only put on, maybe 4 or so pounds since I came here... I'm seriously in trouble if I keep stacking it on. There are no replacement pants in Japan. And putting it on is so much easier than taking it off. Stop it. Stop it now. Before there's actually more of a visible effect.

Bleh. You know, I know what it is. It's the carbs. Carbs, carbs, carbs... that's all the Japanese eat. White starch and refined carbs. I don't want more meat... I just want less... white... gluten... stuff. Hmm. Well, put up and shut up I suppose. Because until I can justify starving myself, nothing's gonna change.

I know, it shouldn't matter. And I look FINE. But the pants thing gives me a CONCRETE reason to complain. And you would too if it felt out of your control. So lemmalone.