ENERGY
"Calories Schmalories," says Murray in response to Emily eating a pint of ice cream. Yeah. Just what the hell is the deal with calories anyway? How have we managed to develop such a fixation on a scientific measure that we don't even understand? I really think that America's obsession with food would calm down a bit if they it said "energy" instead of "calories" on food labels, as it does in Canada, Europe, and most of the rest of the free world (I don't think the "not free" world cares so much about that sort of thing).

Not that I want Americans to get any fatter per se, but I think that our attitude about food as a whole would improve if we thought of it more positive terms. Ironically, the scientific unit "calorie," about which the average layman knows very little, has come to symbolize the negative connotation of weight gain and indulgence. It's a lot harder to look at food as "harmful" or "guilty" when it's measured in energy. After all, that's what it IS. And, of course, calories are just another measure of energy but because the unit of measurement itself is so vastly uncomprehended, the only real meaning it has is the one read about in diet and exercize magazines.

Now, imagine, for instance if food packages read "Energy" instead of "calories" and were measured in jules. I mean, not only would that solve the problem of calorie negativity, but it'd be hella amusing to talk about in casual conversation.

"Ohh, man, I can believe I ate so much. God, I don't want to think about all the energy that's in my stomach right now..."

"Boy, after that cake, I'll have enough energy to last me a week!"

"Hon, don't eat that, you've already had too many jules today, you don't want to make yourself sick."

"I have so much energy, I'll have to run around for an hour just to burn it all off!"

It still has a more positive spin than all the whining the calorie-conscious do about their food intake. And now that I think about it, it really doesn't sound half as ridiculous.