jet lag
I�m having a bit of a hard time finding my center in this hub of people. I woke up this morning after dreams of Justin and cereal, two things I will miss very much, feeling vulnerable and sad. Part of my trauma probably had to do with the twenty hour commute yesterday and part of it with the fact that I got only 9 hours of sleep cumulatively in the last two days. Last night I managed to stay up until 9:30PM (go me!) but woke up promptly at 1:30AM and kind of laid quietly and calmly awake until 5AM before getting 2 more hours sleep. I think I�ll sleep better tonight.

Today we toured the university campus and walked around the local area looking at all the student features. Not only did I feel like a silly foreign tourist (we say GAIJIN PARADE!!! It's like we're a circus attraction) but I can�t ever really imagine feeling any different. On the up-side, I�ve met many awesome people and I�m surrounded by what may possibly be the coolest city ever. Maybe once I get some more sleep I�ll be able to enjoy myself a little better.

In any case, I�m fairly certain now that on a regular basis I�ll be able to eat myself into a stupor. Unfortunately, the detriment that being full and/or tired has on my small, small amount of conversational Japanese is terrible. I�ve managed to review the language a bit and make myself understood on a fairly regular basis. Unfortunately, most of the great mom-and-pop spots around here aren�t your International Language hub and so I�ll have to try and make do on my own talking someday soon.

After one day here, however, I feel a lot less apprehensive. This morning I found myself shell-shocked and on the verge of tears after talking to Justin on the phone. I miss him more than I ever could have imagined possible. A day of fun relieved a lot of that pressure, as did talking somewhat successfully in broken Japanese. I keep being tempted to pepper my English (which, for some reason, is degrading into broken English also) with Japanese words and phrases. I�m not sure if this is a step in the right way toward transition, or if it just makes me stupid.

I�m also pleased to get along with a number of the programme participants both male and female. Because I�m a bit of a loner and sort of touchy (Especially when sleep deprived) I feared that my initial response toward the group would be that of condemnation and isolation. Fortunately, most of the people who tend toward study abroad (with the exception of a few that I can think of now) are usually fun and grounded. Or maybe just fun.

I haven�t ridden the subway yet but tomorrow we�re going to ride it to Shinjuku and the government building. It�s nice to have someone to hold out hands while doing things such as getting alien registration, kaiten denwa (cell phones), rail passes, student ID and so on. But part of me wants to get out there with my host family and live life on my own. I do mind being lonely but I don�t know how long I can live civilly in a hotel room the size of my dorm with two roommates. For now everything is kosher.

But since I still haven�t adjusted to the time change quite yet, I again find myself blithering like and idiot. So it�s off to bed with me and tomorrow is another day.

I miss you so much Justin. It�s driving me crazy and I send you all my love. I got you the cutest freaking post-card that I will try to send shortly. I love you.