when doves cry
I've been experiencing, personally, the stupid fucking bureaucracy that is university financial aid. It turns out that neither of the blissfully huge scholarships that I was offered for Waseda-- of which I can only accept one, stupidly-- are quite what I had hoped and anticipated. I WANTED to take a scholarship to decrease the amount of loans my parents and I (primarily my parents) had to take out to fund the Waseda trip. This would make them stop whining about finances and also help me in the long run. What I'm getting is a bit of a different picture. Here's a rundown if you can follow along. I'll try to make it as logical as possible. To make sure you followed, there will be a quiz at the end. No, not really, but PLEASE tell me what you think. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

EXPENSES AND FINANCIAL AID:
Total Cost for Waseda (tuition + airfare): About $21,000
Additional expenses (Fees, living expenses, insurance, additional program trips): $4,000 (??)

As of now, I've been offered $5,800 in scholarships from the U of O and $5,500 in loans (the max I, as a dependent student, can take)
That leaves my parents ROUGHLY $9,700 in expenses to be covered in loans or out of pocket, if we assume airfare is $1,000.

STUDY ABROAD SCHOLARSHIP OPTION NUMBER ONE:
The Japanese-awarded AIEJ scholarship
Details: Pays airfare, a settling in allowance of roughly $250 and a monthly stipend of about $690 for 9 months
[NOTE: I had originally assumed I could use this scholarship to pay tuition like any other scholarship, but I cannot. The AIEJ is meant as a "living expense" scholarship and would be VERY DIFFICULT to use to pay off my university account. On one hand, then, it would keep me from having to work so damn much for myself. On the other hand, it doesn't do much in the way of getting rid of mom and dad's loans. I must say *I* personally think it's really DUMB to create a "living expense" scholarship for which on of the tenets explicitly states it must be the ONLY scholarship the student takes for study abroad. Excuse me? What about tuition??]

Pros: The more "prestigious" of the two scholarships, covers airfare, less WORK for me and more chance to experience JAPAN
Cons: paid in Yen so worth is subject to changing interest rates (but applied to purchases in the context of yen anyway), more LOANS for my parents and more GUILT for me
**parent loans with this scholarship amount to about $8,700

STUDY ABROAD SCHOLARSHIP OPTION NUMBER TWO:
The US Awarded Freeman-ASIA Scholarship
Details: A potentially $7,000 tuition scholarship
[NOTE: I was offered $7,000 for this scholarship, the maximum amount. What they're telling me NOW, however, is that according to my financial aid, I only have $3,000 worth of NEED so they can only give me a $3,000 scholarship. How they figure: PROGRAM COST ($22,000- they estimate high) minus {EXPECTED FAMILY CONTRUBUTION ($12,950) plus UO SCHOLARSHIPS ($5,800)}= NEED ($3,000). So what I have to do to get the full $7,000 is hope that the UO's "program costs" figure higher than that or that I can somehow increase my need by $4,000. Otherwise this scholarship isn't for $7,000 anymore. Fucking bureaucracy.]

Pros: Applies to tuition. With the full $7,000, my parents only have to pay $2700 in costs (tuition + airfare). Less guilt.
Cons: Doesn't pay airfare. Means more work for me because I NEED to get a part time job to cover horrendous Tokyo expenses (read: no one will be sending my ass money). Without the full $7,000, my parents may have expenses as high as $6,700 (tuition + airfare) AND I'll still have to get a crappy job. I guess I really need to see how this one will pan out...

Which scholarship would you take with that in mind? Now, after you read what's BELOW, tell me again which scholarship you would take:

ACCUMULATED LOAN DEBT:
parent to date: $23,726
student to date: $11,767
TOTAL: $35,493

PARENT total for 5 years: $33,726 - $40,426
STUDENT total for 5 years: $22,767
GRAND total: $56,493 - $63,193

And, yeah, I have three younger, college-bound sisters, one of whom is a college Freshman next year. Jeesus. At least SHE'S in state so she won't ream my parents as much. Fuuuuuuuck me.

So. So I'm going to be in debt the rest of my life because *I* plan on taking over my parents loans, whether they laugh at me for saying it or not. But shit. I don't know what to do. What would you do? What do you recommend?