sky
There's so much under this one sky. And I want to say that if we can survive this, we can survive anything. But I learned another lesson, which is not to give up, on myself or on other people, ever. So when I'm in the middle of it all, and pulled forward and outside by one force, my heart still stays in the middle, trying to hold it all together. I want to save everyone and love everyone and be everything.

There are two scopes in which I can look at my life, both of which show me incredible detail on different planes.The first is the microscopic, the lens which reflects the actual things I say and do and the little habits of my daily life. Like, yesterday I returned a pair of jeans at the Gap and bought Justin's birthday present. I burnt some popcorn and made milkshakes. At 3:58 in the morning I turned off my light and listened for the little noise my cat makes when he jumps up on the bed.

Then, I sit and think on a grand scale about my emotions: love/fear/sadness, and fantasize about my mortal destiny. I think about the implications of the little things and the meaning of the big things. I plot and I plan and I dream and I feel.

Which is more real, the micro or the macroscopic, the daily or the destiny? Does either really matter?

I guess that when it comes down to it I'm just a coward who's afriad to face reality when it doesn't conform to the grandeur of fantasy. Does it cost too much to be a dreamer any more?