Demolition Crew
It�s over. Winter term is finally over. Fuck finals; I don�t give a damn about them. Classes are over and that�s enough for me. What else can I say but WAHOO!

I spent most of the day yesterday trying and failing to unwind. Even in my final Anusara yoga class I felt a sense of frustration and tension overshadowing the extreme bliss (read: extreme pain) radiating from my body. For two hours after class I worked on implementing the template for my panhandling website. Got any suggestions?

Yes, I will stoop to begging for money to finance my trip to Japan. Maybe it�s not as dramatic as repairing credit debt or getting breast implants but still a worthy cause. Anyway, what are scholarships really but money gotten by begging to �official� sources. I�ll just do some �unofficial� campaigning. No harm done! Err, except the brain damage done to myself after staring at raw HTML, writing mouseover codes and tweaking photoshop images for two hours. Thank God Alex showed up and helped me finish my code; I never would have gotten done with all the mistakes I was making. Fleh.

It took me a good three hours more to finally put my head on straight and stop thinking about school. By that time we�d made up our minds to grab some food at the store and hang out for a while, rather than go our separate ways. The plan was to introduce Nate to wine with some accompanying cheese and bread (and soup for dinner). But Nate didn�t take to wine, so we took to it.

I gotta say; I had a great time. It was nice to hang out with a bunch of guys and not worry too much about the social-politics of large group situations. (And Jan�s funny as hell.) It was fabulous to stop caring about school and duties and obligations for a while. It was worth it just to take the walls down for a while. Sometimes when I open up, I close down even harder afterwards. I could have felt like hell today (emotionally, not physically� I don�t know many more people who hold their liquor better than I) but I don�t. I feel really blessed and loved. I�m so thankful that I have friends and lovers to turn to when I�m falling apart. I�m glad for honesty. I�m not afraid.

I�ll sacrifice myself to the demolition crews; I don�t care if it�s wine or whatever. If the walls can be torn down and if my head survives the roaring noise, I�ll be there waiting and whole in the end.

I felt pretty shitty and guilty after making Justin get up to get me at 1:30 in the morning, but there weren�t any cars (or drivers for that matter) where we were. No regrets though, it was worth it if just to compare with the last time I drank with Alex on his turf last fall during finals week. Boy, neither one of us was ready to talk straight at that point in time. It�s a bit different now. *laugh*

I didn�t go to bed in the best frame of mind. Rather frustrated, in fact. Seems stupid to me that the �best of both worlds� can only ever last an hour or two before whatever altered state I�m in wears off and sends me back into a personal hell. I fell asleep right away anyway and promptly forgot about my potential misery. Drinking a bottle of wine will do that to ya.

Still felt really wiped out (not sick or hung over at all) when I was woken at 8AM. (*insert porno music here*) Went back to sleep until 11 and then felt better. Much better. Wine ain�t the only thing a girl needs. Cheeya!

I dunno why, but today was abso-fucking-lutely fabulous. I feel like Mr. Rogers or something. Won't YOU be my neighbor?

We drove to Keystone for breakfast. Can I just say, OH MY GOD. I�ve been there a few times and I can�t stress how great it is. Breakfast totally needs to be a granola affair and there ain�t no place more GRANOLA than Keystone. Buckwheat-barley pancakes with apples, cinnamon, walnuts, organic maple syrup and butter. Fuuuuck yea! And they have all these omelets and vegan dishes and REALLY AWESOME coffee. It took us a friggin long time to get there because we hit downtown Eugene right as the anti-war march was taking place. I watched those hundreds of people walking down the streets and my heart swelled with love for each of them. God bless Eugene. I love the Lefties. I still feel like the protests won�t make a God damn difference but as long as there are people willing to go to them, they will make a point. After breakfast, we saw the riot squad leaving the downtown area. I wonder if anything happened�

Took a few hours and ran errands to Les Schwab and then down to the International Deli & German Meats store Alex, Jan and I found yesterday while scouting out the Southtowne shops. Bought some yuppie fillings for my sandwiches this week. =D Cured meats and cheeses. God, I have expensive tastes in food�but this stuff is what my grandma used to make our breakfast rolls with. That, and I can remember eating practically everything in that store when I was a kid. They had really decently priced wines as well. Mmmmm.

I love this city. I love it even on my bad days. I think I can live here as long as I need to. And after coming back from Japan, I can see that as being several more years. It has everything I need to make me happy, as long as I can keep all the people I want RIGHT HERE. ; )

So today was another weekend shopping day. I love those! Still need to go to Albertsons later for the week�s groceries. I�m taking the day off from homework just to enjoy this feeling while it lasts. I got some more bagels at Humble Bagel and visited Murray for a while. Had my face put on the Polaroid wall� embarrassingly on the only day I haven�t showered in forever. I always feel weird seeing myself in photographs. I look so thin.

The weather has been spastic all day (bright yellow evening sun right now in a completely cloudy sky) and when we stepped outside there was a huge rainbow spanning the sky. That made my day. I want to dance a bit, while I still feel good. I�m planning on taking a bath later to pamper myself a bit. Maybe I�ll have some more of my Cream Sherry and watch a bad chick flick. Or maybe I�ll just watch porn and dance around to punk music in my underpants. I should probably wait until Justin leaves to do that, though, or he�ll laugh at me. =D

So yeah, how�s that for a ranty, rambly diary entry? How perfect! It�s just how I feel! Smooches, you�re all dears.