slippery when wet
Why the fuck didn't someone tell this to my mom when I was sixteen and she confronted me about the vibrator she found when "cleaning my room"? She didn't even get the drift when I went out and bought another one and she "accidentally" found that one, too. (It was under my MATTRESS for fark's sake, WHO LOOKS THERE ACCIDENTALLY???) After years of anguish over the twisted mind of her eldest daughter she finally gave up and pretended for a while that I didn't exist. Now she realizes I'm an adult and even shares some lewd humor with me.

I'll bet she kept those vibrators for herself. Skank.

Where was Savage Love when I needed him?