The give and the take
I saw both Bowling for Columbine and more Erotic Tales tonight. An interesting combo, since one (the latter) gave me hope for the world and the other makes me resent my nationality with a loathing beyond recognition. BFC was amazing, I have to say that much. It made me re-recognize just how apparent "fear culture" is in America. How even the most aware of us can't escape it. Someday I look forward to the opportunity to leave America, as much as I love it, and to go someplace less fearful and closeted (say, Canada?).

For now I'm content to finish my education and take part in the coming storm. So much absurd intensity has occured in our national politics over the last two years that it's almost impossible to believe it because it's so surreal. I am, without a doubt, completely overwhelmed by the impossibility of it all. And completely aghast.

But all things fall into place as they're meant to be. For the first time in forever, I'm not running from it or running towards it, I'm letting it move me. And suddenly it makes sense that fate would, of course, play out as it should.

I'm happier and more balanced than I have been in three years and I'm fucking petrified of losing it all. I don't know what to do with myself.

What do you do when everything is suddenly (almost too suddenly, so much that it smacked into you one day) perfectly aligned... when everything is within the realm of possibility? I plan on sitting back to enjoy it and marvel at the precarious balance of things. Eyes wide open, I want to move deliberately and gratefully with the knowledge that, at any moment, that balance could change.