Big Thoughts
Ah, beejus. I slept awfully last night. It might have been my apprehension. It might have been that damn movie. It might have been that after a weekend of staying up until 3:30 AM repeatedly, 1:30 was just too early a bedtime. In any case, I didn't SLEEP (just hallucinated) until about 4:30. Then I had crack dreams. About high school of all things. My life feels like high school. Strangely, this is not a bad thing. It is not a maturity thing. It is a change thing. Things are changing.

I've been having BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG thoughts. Oh yes, how I have. Big, scary, life changing thoughts. Big thoughts that when you think them you're like, "Whoa, did I just think that? Why would I think something like that? Do I realize what the hell thinking this will do to my life?" Yes, those kind of thoughts. The thoughts that are lines in movies and don't really happen to you.

So... either I'm crazy or I'm lying to myself. It wouldn't really be anything new except now I'm actually THINKING these thoughts and they're not just there, somewhere in the back of my head.

A constant pattern of change. A spiral. A circle. An orb revolving and turning within the sphere of a thousand interconnected lines. The cyclical balance. Prophecy. Synchronicity.

I'm listening to these big thoughts. And that's why turned in today an application to spend a year abroad. That's why I have to go away. Because, invariably, these thoughts will screw things up. And going away is the only way for me to, as they say, get them in order. Sort them out. Prioritize.

I'm removing myself from the situation. It's a bit like Bilbo's disappearing act at his hundredy-eleventh birthday.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the beginning of the end. It has been a pleasure. I bid you, not quite suddenly (call it foreshadowing), adieu.