One big beastie
I saw a shape in the road as I biked up the path to centennial. My first though was that it was a box and then I realized it had the silhouette of an animal body.

Please, I thought, Don't let it be a dead raccoon or a dead cat. That would just ruin my day.

I knew if it were roadkill, I would spend the next twenty minutes shuffling it's deceased or half dead carcass off the road while trying to avoid contracting rabies or some other malady and at the same time crying for the poor little bugger and giving him his last rites.

It wasn't moving.

I thought, When I get there, it will just be a box.

But it wasn't a box, and it didn't look run over either.

It was the biggest fucking nutria I have ever seen. It was just SITTING in the turn lane to the slight left of the bike path, just minding its own damn business.

It wasn't hurt, I distinctly had the impression it was OK. I was just... chillin'. Since its head was facing the bike path, I decided to go around it's backside in case it felt like attacking me in a bloodlust.

As I came up on it, its hugeness dawned on me. It was as big as a house, BIGGER!!! It was the size of a labrador!! It was a MAMMOTH NUTRIA!!!

I made farting noises at it to see if I could get it to move. It looked at me, annoyed, as if to say how dare you fart at me?!? and started to slowly lumber toward the bushes at the side of the road. Mind you, it wasn't even scared of me, it was just strooooollllling leisurely back to the swamp like oh, hello! I forgot I was IN THE ROAD.

It made a burbling sound as it went. It might have been the sound of it's enormous gut wiggling. I swear I could hear it's footsteps shaking the pavement.... DON, DON, DONNNN as it lumbered away.

I couldn't help myself. DUDE! I exclaimed, You are the biggest fucking nutria I have ever seen! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

The nutria burbled and disappeared into the undergrowth.

As I biked away, it struck me that nutria have no reason to be ashamed of giganticness. In fact, this nutria was probably the Big Daddy of thw swamp rat world, the Overlord of a million concubines, the Big Mob Boss.

I feel like I just met a celebrity.