Driving and Dreams of the City
I am thankful that my mom has finally given up on tracking me at all hours. It makes it much easier to see the city at night, when it's most beautiful. Last night, coming back from Justin's capitol hill apartment at 1:30, I decided to take I-5 through downtown. I'd come in the same way and usually I alternate between the two ways across the lake. I'm glad I didn't take 520... I think the bridge is getting kinda washed out from all the rain and mudslides. Anyway, I was kinda still half-asleep and really "in the zone." Though the Mercedes [due to its age] makes for poor fast driving, it can corner well, and I floored it all the way home. There's something about being in and under downtown so late at night that gives it a crystal clarity... as I passed the hospitals, office buildings, and the prison, I thought of all the people still awake, living their lives. I thought of the people in the bars, searching, reveling, lonely, living it out and up. I thought of the people on the streets in the cold and wondered if they felt they'd lived life to the fullest. I felt a sense of amazement at life and a twinge of innocence like I've forgotten for a long time. The lights always stay on in the city... I guess its true that it never sleeps.

I'm beginning to love driving too much. Even being voluntarily stuck in 5PM workday traffic yesterday was a thrill. This worries me because karma buildup probably will give me an accident or speeding ticket soon. Heh heh. When I got home last night, the house was quiet... you'll know this is amazing if you've ever been to my house. I stood in the door for a while and listened for ghosts. There were none. But when I finally unfroze myself and went to bed, they were there, and they ran through my head for at least an hour regressing and grasping at conversations that have been and are yet to come. When I finally slept, I didn't have dreams of a perfet world, like I have been the past few nights... I dreamt some wild-crazy post nuclear apocolyptic saga that dragged me back awake at 9:30AM in a cold sweat.

It's sunny outside. Time to face the day.