jibun no imeji
The temperature here has over doubled in the last two days-- from 30 degrees to 64. It's like Spring outside, the hippies and the hoochies out in true form. If it were dry enough, I'd expect to see people playing frisbee on the lawn outside my office window.

I woke up at 6:30AM after a good night's rest, biked to the gym with Rachelry, ran two miles, stairclimbed, lifted weights, showered and went to class. I ate first breakfast (banana), second breakfast (clif bar) and an early lunch of a delicious pastrami and swiss sandwich I made myself.

On days like these (and, in fact, most of the time lately) I find it hard to imagine ever being uncomfortable in my own skin. When I began writing this blog in the November of 2001, it just another internet plea to be heard. Yes, I am the master of "navel gazing" as Monk calls it, and I did, in fact, start a blog so that the world could hear my sob story. As stupid as it sounds now, I don't really want to discredit myself. I was a pretty damaged individual.

Looking back, I find it sad and fascinating how much fear I lived with and how poorly I thought of myself. I consider myself lucky to have never been permanently damaged by any of the compulsions I toyed with.

I've been messing with this entry for the last half-hour or so and I can't quite get it to say what I want to say without sounding too self-help-bullshitty or too narcissistic so I guess I'll just paraphrase:

I'm so glad I feel good about myself. The way I looked at the world and the way I carried myself back then hurt SO much, every day. I was mired in so much CRAP that I can't believe I put up with.

I feel so liberated.