undeserving

Artisan


It rained today. But in spite of that, we did end up at the festival in Asakusa-- not actually at Sensouji but at the shrine next door-- pushing our way through a crowd of umbrellas to pay our respects to Kannon-sama. The matsuri was not the highlight of my weekend for a variety of reasons. There were crowds (and SPIKY, umbrella-clad ones at that), I've seen portable shrine processions (including BIG ones [Kawagoe] and STRANGE ones [Kanamara]) already, it was wet, and I hadn't eaten since morning. The main reason, however, that the festival wasn't the best part of the last two days is because so much BETTER happened.

Indeed, making Japanese pottery in Asakusabashi was fun, albeit frustrating. I felt slightly patronized by the staff, a highly amusing foreign curiosity, and I couldn't understand them at all. (I later learned they were speaking Kyoto dialect.) I was a little down in spirits, as I'd thought the outing would be just Host Mom and I-- but Host Sister came along and took her place at the potter's wheel. She finished long before the other two of us as if she had simply decided to stop. I was a little sad about the experience... until I learned that the whole thing was a front just to get me to come to the Kimono shop it was held in so that I could get custom fit for a yukata.

That's right. My very own, arms-long-enough, summer kimono with obi and geta. Am I grateful? OHHHH Yeah. This will get some loving use if I have my way. Did I expect it? Actually, yes... because host dad had hinted at it in a roundabout way when I bought my "loungewear" (bathrobe) yukata[s] in Kamakura. But I feel really, really guilty.

I know people among my friends who have a burning interest in kimono and who seek out classes to learn about them, build their own projects around them and search fervently in bargain stores for inexpensive materials to build them. I like kimono... now, in fact, more than ever since I've had the chance to wear one. But when I came I certainly didn't have a REAL interest in them, *especially* because I could never see myself wearing or affording one and therefore never put any mental energy into browsing.

So it's not as if I talked my host mom into dressing me in Kimono when Justin was here. I didn't beg about it and say "ohhh, how it's sooooo expensive." I never even really considered that I might end up wearing a full formal kimono, much less OWNING a custom yukata. I feel like I don't deserve this. I'm *really* happy... but, admittedly, slightly uncomfortable. If I earned this with just an honest interest in Japanese culture and a friendly relationship with my host family, how can I repay it? I'm not speaking in direct terms about the Japanese gift-exchange culture, although some of the formalities bother me, just my host family's random penchant for giving me gifts that are "too large." Even in American culture this produces the same problem. I'm already unrepayably indebted to them for the kindness they paid me by letting me stay 10 months in their home... but by adding material gifts of immeasurable value into the mix, they've touched upon a bit of a hard place for me. Guilt.

Of course I'll accept the gift, and happily. And I do understand it's stupid to phrase the question "how can I repay them?" in a material context. I simply can't. What repayment I give will come in a continued relationship from overseas, in letters, visits and small holiday presents. That's the only possible course. I'm troubled, simply, by the feeling that they have given TOO MUCH and that in itself has thrown me off balance.

I'm damn excited to wear the things though. The old man who's making it is really amazing. It will just be a normal yukata for sure, but some of his other work... pottery, painted paper obi, kimono, brush paintings, etc... are FANTASTIC. I keep forgetting that I got one of his brush paintings and (will get in 3 months) a tea bowl fired in the traditional fashion.

It's not as if I'm not spending any of my own money, either. Yesterday I probably sunk $40 between personal items, dinner and karaoke. Today I used $50 to buy obi, ties and tatami-geta(?) for the bathrobe variety yukata set. That's why I've got silly part-time jobs... I don't get paid for no reason, ne?

So... yeah. My homework still isn't finished. I only got started on it at 8PM tonight. We got home late after eating in the Omoidashi Yookocho next to Shinjuku Station. If any of you know what I'm talking about, you get bonus points. The O.Y. is the gnarly, tiny alley full of yakutori joints and tachizui-diners that looks like something out of Blade Runner. It is by far among the more AWESOME places in inner-city Tokyo one can chance upon.

On the other hand, homework aside, my portfolio is coming together nicely. Looks like I should be able to get my shit together all right.