Miko
I went for an interview at a children's English Conversation school this afternoon. It's only fifteen minutes from my house by my regular busline and I think the interview went well, so I'll probably start work there after or during my break.

On the way back to the most convenient bus stop, I passed the huge, red toori gates to a local shrine and looked in. I can't believe some of the places that are here, in my neighborhood, right under my nose.

This shrine is apparently very well known and famously beautiful for spring flowers, which are just starting to bud in this unusually warm year. But I knew nothing about any of this before I set foot on the shrine threshold, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Next to the shrine was an elementary school, and the children had just been let out for the day, so their voices echoed along the street. As I came up to the alter, shook the spirit ward, made my offering and gave a prayer, I saw three children, still in their uniforms, lined up inside the shrine building practicing Shinto dance. They didn't seem to be particularly intrigued by what they were doing and the impression I got was rather that they were involved in some sort of cultural demonstration like one might do with Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. Even so, watching them brought tears to my eyes and I think it has to be one of the most genuine and amazing things I've seen since coming here.

More breathtaking still, was the miko (shrine maiden) watching the children from one of the alcoves and miming their dance moves. I've seen tons of miko before in practically every anime and manga I've ever looked at. You know, they're the girls in white robes and big, red hakama with loooong bound hair who usually chase away evil spirits with Shinto magic? Well, it occurred to me today that I've never seen a real one before this. Of course, if I think about it, I must have seen real miko behind the counter at various shrines selling luck charms and such, but I can't think of any in particular. My host mom says that most miko these days aren't the "real think" (i.e. dedicated priestess) but simply maintain the shrine as a part-time job.

However, something about this miko today gave me a markedly different impression. Maybe it was the way she moved or the care with which she had dressed herself. Perhaps it was the certain reverence with which she made offering at the altar. Or it may simply have been that when I saw her watching the children dance, it seemed that she was dancing with them because she felt something too.

After moments like these that fall randomly into the middle of normal days, I always feel a blessed sense of peace. The weather today was an April warm day, sunny as is every day, with a slight breeze. I couldn't have felt stressed if I tried.

Still, I can't maintain a complete sense of happiness. All is not well at "home." Host sister has been acting unaccountably WEIRD lately and almost as if she's developed an extreme distaste for me. I don't know when it began but I can pretty much say the feeling is mutual. The girl just weirds me out. She's been spending all day in her room lately (literally 8-hour spans) or alternately pacing the living room or sitting in absolute silence. Her appearance is becoming more and more unkempt, her hair a total mess and her clothing hanging off of her with various parts unzipped or unfastened. What surprises me most is that my host parents don't really say anything to her. Ever. No conversation really, nothing. And because there's nothing I can do to help or understand the situation, my behavior has evolved much the same. That in and of itself makes me really nervous.

I try to talk to her, I really do. As time passes, it's becoming more and more apparent that it's NOT that I can't understand or speak Japanese, it's just that she's incapable of carrying out a conversation. Whenever she asks me something, it's always in a rapid-fire unintelligible question, often facing away from me or with a mouth full, NEVER looking me in the face or eyes. In fact, I think it's not just that *I* don't understand her, but that she doesn't speak clearly. When I reply or ask my own questions, she rarely gives more than a few words answer.

The miscommunication isn't only with me. Sometimes she decides to cook dinner because host mom is running late. Of course, host mom has dinner plans for me anyway and will therefore give me MORE food on top of Host sister's food even with her usual trend feeding me LOTS. I know whenever host sister offers me food it's bad news because host mom will always be surprised to see that we've eaten. I want to tell her that she doesn't need to make me anything and mom will feed me, but I don't think she'd get it... or she might be offended.

She has some strange eating habits too, that girl. If there is something sitting around, she will eat it. All of it. Anything. And she leaves everything (wrappers, crumbs, spills, whatever) everywhere without an effort to clean up. To top it all off, my guess is that because she overeats, she sometimes has intestinal problems (due to her medication?) and doesn't make it to the bathroom on time-- sometimes when I come back from being out while she's home alone, there's poo all over the toilet, sometimes on the seat and sometimes on the floor. Or sometimes just used toilet paper. It's not a lot and not often, but enough that I've noticed it several times and wondered.

Now that she's stopped talking to me and I to her (I guess we just gave up) and since she's started leaving the room when anyone else is around (unless she sits silently at the table), I guess I don't really have much of a PROBLEM with her... but it's just so WEIRD and there's just nothing I can DO, so it makes me markedly uncomfortable. Ugh. I wish I knew what to do.

I can think of three people off the top of my head who have changed their host families due to serious conflicts of interest. I know one person who SHOULD change her host family but won't (for reasons of underconfidence or masochism). I know a few people who planned to stay until the end of the year but are instead leaving at the end of this term to flee back to the states. I know one girl who dropped out entirely and went home two weeks ago for homestay problems, academic problems and because (I was right) she can't keep a meal down any more.

I have nothing to complain about. But I still wish it felt "right."