insecurity
This feeling of abject terror is creeping up on me as each morning passes.

What have I done?

I'm leaving for Tokyo and Justin, in a change of plans will be moving to Seattle to pursue other, more noble activities than wasting time as a Data Monkey at an insurance company and waiting for me to come home. In a week, I will never live in this apartment again. In a week I will be ALONE. And when I say "alone" I mean more alone than I will have been in seven years. I will be alone on the other side of the world.

And yet, not alone. With me I take the surprising support of a loving partner and the strength I've garnered over the last few years. Ahead of me I have rendezvous with friends and a coworker overseas. There will be nothing but adventure for the next nine months... I do expect it to be the best time of my life.

But this doesn't quell the terror any. This last year has so far been the happiest and most balanced I can remember. I don't want to screw it all up; I don't want to change now that it's all back to good. I don't, more than anything, cherish the thought of coming home and maybe deciding to try to work another long-distance relationship. I don't want to fall back.

I tell myself I have nowhere to go but up. But the thought of total change in the face of my own insecurity has latched onto me a feeling of fear that won't go away.

Where am I going?

What have I done?