the winter blues
If there's one thing I love to do in winter, it's eat. Sit and eat and eat and eat and get wonderfully, deliciously fat. Ok, so not "fat," but you know what I mean. It's freezing and wet outside and the only way to keep warm and prevent myself from fixating on the darkness is to put a little chocolate in my life. Did I say a little? I meant a lot...

Chocolate and cheese and milk and cream and sugar sweets... cookies and cake and fudge and caramel.... MMMMm..... I just can't get enough. But sooner or later they'll do me in, cavities or otherwise. My increased caloric intake has already axed my super metabolism, and it's about damn time. I was a BIT concerned when I had a body-composition test taken a few weeks ago and measured at only 14% body fat. Yes, FOURTEEN. "Average" is 22-24%, "lean" is 18-20%, 14% is less than most athletes. Only 18.2 pounds of my weight (that includes breasts and thighs) is fat. But...I don't FEEL small. Especially... THAT small.

Well, I'm not anymore. Thankfully. I guess I'm glad that I'm porking up a bit. And I actually AM. By that I don't mean visually noticeably, but it is happening. And for that I'm glad. It was weird being considered 'underweight,' though I found myself more physically contented at "skinny" than I have at any other weight. The only problem is that I looooove sweets so much I'm not gonna want to stop my current bingeing. Then I'll get hard on myself again and I don't want to get back into a self-depricating mindset.

Eh, well, at least I understand my body better than most people understand theirs. I'm aware of what routines will change me. I know what to do to take care of myself; it's just a matter of doing it. And next term I'll be back to working out (cardio/ weights) three days a week, plus alternate days of tai chi, plus all the biking I normally do. That (and the increased light) will wake me right up. ^^

I'm really enoying my "just desserts" for now, though. I managed to eat a whole quart of chocolate sauce by myself since October!!! Well, they say fat intake increases brain activity... And maybe it keeps me from getting so friggin cold all the time. I really do hate going outdoors when it's so blasted chilly. Yeah, I know this is nothing compared to my nine winters in the midwest... but Oregon cold has some weird, wet, pervasive quality to it. I prefer indoors this time of year, thank you!

MMm.... werthers caramels. *muncH*