I did it!
And karma didn't kill me. I didn't get drunk enough to let it. And by some force of sheer will, it's 4 AM and the house it already clean, everyone's gone home (though the last "incident" did get us mentioned in the Portland Mercury), and it's all quiet. Only one threat of a noise violation and we resolved that easily with some pervasive politeness. Ahh fate, I will defy you yet! Here's to a night of fabulous bartending! Thanks, guys, for brining the food and drink and eating and drinking and being MERRY!!! I love you all!!