self-sufficient me
Sometimes I'm surprised by my ability to survice on my own. I'm even more pleased when I sit back (or collapse into bed) at the end of a day having done everything I meant to do. By everything I mean my list of dailies, from the two to twenty things I carried in my head when I got up, and declared, "Today!"

Right now I'm kicking back and enjoying some "secret single behavior." Justin has gone down to Bend for the night to interview with a chem co. there tomorrow morning. I'm lazily sipping tea and contemplating some .mpgs... porn or classic movies. Ahh. This morning we went out to breakfast at Keystone with Rachel, Micah and two of their guy friends- a delightful and Eugenian experience. After, Justin and I drove up Skinner's Butte and looked at the city.

"This is a good place," I thought. "I could stay here for a while."

And again the circle is turning. I know I felt this same fulfilled existence last year and the year before. Something about the end of summer brings hope for the coming seasons. This is truly my New Years celebration. I fill my life with the fruits of the past year and surround myself with luxury and colors to get me though the coming winter. For winter will come and in a few months I'll be asking myself where my happiness has gone.

I already feel the rising madness... first the wild lust of the harvest, the mad hunt of the God and the Goddess. And then the barren darkness as I huddle in the womb to wait for my release from the chrysalis in spring. God, I love fall. It's everything. I never feel this waya about summer, spring, or winter....

I can smell it in the evening air, the turning of the leaves, fresh cider and u-pick apples... pumpkins and bonfires and hay. It makes me mad with pleasure!

This month on Mabon, the fall equinox (sept 21st), I will annoint myself as a follower of the way of the Old Gods. Underneath the full moon, in the heart of the Rocky Mountains I'll bathe myself, skyclad, in an icy-cold lake and ask for the Goddess's blessing. May she guide me my whole life over.