Clouds
Whoo. I think the fact that I've been so busy yet still accomplishing nothing is starting to catch up with me. I'm too tired to think, certainly too tired to move. I think I need to cut back on super-uber-workout, it really has me exhausted.

When I was weightlifting at the gym today, my exhaustion hit me in a great big wave. Suddenly, I didn't want to do another set, another excercize... I didn't even want to go back to the locker room and change. I just wanted to lay down and relax. But I upped and went and got my things, stopping to look at my face in the mirror and realizing that I looked Mostly Dead. So, in zombie-state I biked home. The odd thing was that all these people smiled at me; not sympathetic smiles or gratuitous smiles, but friendly greeting smiles. I hardly ever get those, even when I'm happy myself. But I biked by cars and pedestrians and three girl bikers who all looked at me like I was a friend.

And though I was tired, I thought, "I am one of everyone" and for a moment identified with every person no matter how shallow, deep, needy, or spoilt. For that moment I was glad of the fellowship of man and of every living, breathing thing.

When I rounded the bend, this amazing pink cloud structure was towering above me, a big thunderhead like they so rarely have here (they're the only mountains we get in Michigan, however), and I was aghast at the beauty of it all.

Needless to say, I came home and Justin was still using the Mac to play escape velocity- yay, I've given him another way to waste his days not doing anything- so I sat in the living room and was ignored for an hour or so until he got hungry and came out. I know he was seeking food, not company. "So I can use my computer now?" I said. "You could have used it any time," he said, benevolently. Pah. Riiiiight.

Sometimes I think we see both too much and too little of each other. I wake up in the morning and it's bliss to be there with him. I'm hesitant to leave but I do, and I stay away for most of the day. By the end of the day, the positive energy that I have to create, to clean, to cuddle in the morning is all gone and I'm just nerves and stress and I can't relax. So we spend a few hours staring at something (computers, TV, the wall) head to bed and start the cycle all over. It really is a shame because I just feel so POSITIVE at the beginning of the day and I'm not sure how to retain that. I promise myself that we'll be able to enjoy each other when I get home, that I'll be able to "remember" my affection or horniness from noon... but it doesn't happen.

Instead, I find crumbs on my desk that make me sniffle and a hypoglycemic Justin who stops gaming for food and then puts on a loud movie. I know, as Arnold would say, STOP WHINING! Ok, that's my rant.

But really, he is a doll... he did such a CLASSIC guy thing today. So we're making Bear Creek soup, the "Damn Good Chili" mix, which calls for... soup mix, water, and tomato paste. Guess what we're out of? So, grumbling, Justin goes off to Albertsons to get tomato paste which is OK cause I know he wants ground beef (GAG) for the chili anyways. I give him a list of about 5 other things (milk, dish soap, fruit) ok... 3 other things.... which he writes down and takes with him. So I go to chop some veggies for the chili and notice that no, in fact, he has not taken his list with him. I grunt and think something along the lines of, "how classic." But I don't really care cause we can make due with what's on hand till the morning. He comes back and I've started the water boiling, I feel better to see he has groceries. There's the milk, the fruit, the dish soap... whoa, even remembered ground beef (GAG)... buuuuuut... What did he forget but the tomato paste? Now that's classic. I had to laugh, which was bad because it put hypoglycemic boyfriend in a foul mood. Lucky I can drive his car now and Ryan had some T.P for the damn good chili. Which, by the way, was damn good but didn't help make me any less tired.

This weekend I've got to write a mock-up for the "pro-anorexia" piece for the voice, eat sushi at the new sushi place (o what a chore, I know ; ), write up the new sushi place, perhaps accompany J to Bend (Buttfuck Nowhere, OR) for a chem interview and numerous other things. Back to the daily grind. All that aside, I am truly grateful for all the time we've been able to spend with friends lately. I've really come to appreciate the Micro crowd and I'm glad to help with TPLe. I'm especially happy to have friends who are couples now: Ryan and Tara, Sara and Brad, Micah and Rachel. What cracks me up is how I can see the resemblance between each of the two peole in these pairs. I can't really describe it (especially for J and I) but each couple has a strong "signature" that they give off... like striking similarities between both partners. It's really cute.

Last night, J and I went to see Possesion (Gwennyth Paltrow and cute butt-chin guy) with Sara and Brad. The movie was basically a snore. Pleasant but uninspiring, complete with one adult and one utterly juvenile romance. Of course, the modern romance was the entirely juvenile one... and the cute butt-chin guy was little more than a golden retriever in a human's body. (READ: love me, I'm friendly, I won't hurt you ever!! Now look away while I shed on your furniture, hump your leg, pee on your carpet and run away! Oh, don't yell at me! I'm wounded and cute! Waah! You never loved me! I'm not worth loving! Oh, a treat? OK!! BEST FRIEND!!! Pssh... men.)

Ach, so. Thusly is my life. And still, this journal struggles for content. It's basically been a diary as of late. This really is how I write when I'm not depressed. Socially and shallowly with a hint of witty cynicism. I don't feel too thoughtful and it's mostly pleasant. Though sometimes I do feel a touch vapid but I think the fact that I can recognize that disqualifies me from any harm that might come of it. (Whee! Old Navy opens in 5 days and it's right near my house! Hello fall shopping!!) But, all things considered, I am ready to get down to business- wrote up an advertiser solicitation package for the Voice today- and for my last adventure (hello, Glacier!).

I feel as if I should aspire to be provoking. Perhaps to choose a word or idea and write upon it daily. The Noun of the Day, for example. Or force myself to practice brief works of poetry and fiction. This excersize, of course, being beneficial for both me as a writer and for you, my poor bored and boring readers. But why, alas, should I bother? Someone else can do that for me.

Such is the life of an internet junkie. Convenience a la mode.