A Fairly Fair Faire
Actually, it was great. Our destination this past weekend was St. Helen's, Oregon, about thirty minutes north of Portland along highway 30. To give you a better idea of the area, picture lush rolling hills and fields along the Columbia. A sort of pristine passing-through that seems to be treated well in the hands of the hicks and farmers who own it. Yes, hicks and farmers... a strange place for a rather new-age faire. And a new one, at that. Saturday we were competing with a truck rally and a country music concert. The faire, being in its first year and not such a main attraction as these thrilling venues, had cardboard signs for advertisment. Despite that, about four hundred people attended on Saturday and about eight hundred on Sunday. Enough for a profit and more than enough for some fun!

And oy do I have tales to tell.

But, for the most part, the tales have faded from my mind in a way that lets me know they were funny at the time and not really important now.

The fair was a much more lax pace than Greenwood. There were only about 20 vendors and four performing groups, counting the knights. The big indicator that it was a first year faire was that it wasn't entirely... period. The had a few wannabe food-vendors and one yakisoba/ teriyaki booth. That and the giant, inflatable bouncy castle were giveaways that they hadn't been able to solicit as many merchants as they wanted. But the grounds were lovely; we set up camp along a stream bank and tied the horses near the water. It's been an interesting experience, spending so much time around horses this summer. When I was a kid, I always wanted to go to horse camp and learn to ride. Funny thing is, now I realize that I don't actually like horses THAT much. And they're a lot stupider than I gave them credit for. But these ones work hard. Almost as hard as the knights or harder. But some of the knights might be stupider.

Point in case: Mark, Justin's acquaintance/friend from the classes. The one I mentioned before as being a part of the BDSM scene in Seattle. The man has lost all my respect. I'm convinced that his martial arts injury (which has thus far evaded diagnosis) is more symptomatic of chronic drug use and self-neglect than anything else. I admit I believe he was/is in a lot of pain, but as much as he pops valium and morphine, his pain is more psychological *withdrawl* than anything else. That, and he doesn't eat and is always a mega-bitch to people because he doesn't feel well. Well, you have to eat to feel well. It's no wonder his body is consuming his muscle mass. I just question what doctor would be stupid enough to take a look at him and prescribe morphium and valium for a non-diagnoseable problem and then give him steroids and testosterone on top of that when he's not getting better. Mmmm... synthetic chemical compounds do a body good. OK, that's not my real beef. My real beef is that he's now sleeping with one of the Knights and her ex (also a Knight) is getting touchy about it. He's really being protective and it's not a "personal" issue, but Marc just isn't a really smart guy. The smart thing is not to create in-group drama like this. Especially when on excessive amounts of drugs and a COMPLETELY non-monogamous person. Someone will break. My big problem with him is that he likes to toss life off like it's nothing, no commitment to anything... and then still be completely irritable and pop drugs to solve his problems. I could be wrong, he could be in a lot of pain and have a completely viable life-philosophy, but something about the way he acts (akin to an angry arrogance) REALLY gets my goat. Bad vibes, I tell ya.

So Saturday was spent with people stewing over and avoiding that drama. I was also adopted by Joe Hill's wife, a Troll of a woman who sells the Knights' favors, braided ribbons, for $1 to the crowd. The woman has possibly the most repulsive personality of anyone I have ever met. She's not quite a child (thought sized like one) and not quite an adult. She is absolutely in the way ALL the time... has no respect for space. And she adopted me, like we were instant friends. I spent most of the weekend avoiding her and will, unfortunatly, have to deal with her this and next weekend as well. I meant to take a picture of her to post... her looks pretty much reveal her nature... but I couldn't subject myself to having to be in her presence a moment longer. At first, I thought she wasn't that bad... but after being in camp with her these past faires... I know...

On the up side, Damian, the head man, took everyone out for dinner on Saturday. The service at the restaurant was terrible and there were several mishaps with steaks. But the poor, overworked waitress (yes, only one for 30-some people) got everyone their food eventually, albeit over a two hour period. I ended up getting a complete meal out of my manditory mooching to raise my blood-sugar. MmMmMm... I got to witness a few members of the group being "knighted," a process that takes place after being with the Knights at least one faire season and demonstrating skill and responsibility. It was sweet. : )

When we got back to camp, several of the Knights, Justin, and I, all got together to play Munchkin... a demeted version of D&D card game. I was dubious, being that I've never really been into the RPG card game scene, save for a short stint of playing and collecting Magic (Which, admittedly, was far cooler than I imagined). But Munchkin really is... something else. Get that from the name? On the surface, it's generic... you fight monsters, gain treasure (Equipment, curses, spells) to gain levels and either help or backstab other member of your party. First player to level ten (or so) wins. Buuuuut.... you fight monsters like Large Angry Chickens, Lawyers, Mushrooms, Undead Girlscouts, and Squirrels. If you're REALLY unlucky, you fight them AND their mommies. Equipment consists of such miscellany as Slimy Armor, Indestructable pantyhose, Fake Beards, The Chainsaw of Bloody Dismemberment (of Doom! +1), The Kneepads of Allure, and Spiky Codpieces... All sorts of hilarious doodads. And you can pick a race and class with boons and banes (and equip restrictions) for each class. Play is really simple. On your turn, you kick open a door and fight or take what's inside. If you beat the monster, you get the treasure and gain a level. If you don't, you either run or lose, and bad things happen. You can ask others to help you (a bribe) or others can screw you over by throwing things at you to make your life worse. If there is no monster or curse inside, you loot the room. It's all played with cards and a die... and it was an extreme riot. Justin bought it as soon as we got home so we need people to play with us!

I myself picked up a few goodies at the faire, including a new dress at only $20. I connived more free things out of vendors and didn't walk away from a single booth without a purchase made at significant discount. Whee! The drive home was refreshingly short compared to that coming home from Richland. We stopped in both a Subway and the Eugene Albertsons on the way back, fully dressed in garb. Many people asked if we were in a play... some just gawked and others laughed. I said, "hey, people in stupid costumes need food too," to one especially stupified looking girl. The checkout girl at Albertsons said we were not, in fact, the strangest thing she had seen all day. A gentleman who thinks he's Peter Pan comes in once a week, she explained. And his tights, unlike Justin's, are a vibrant green.

I guess we need to try harder to be freakish, huh? Well, it's almost wednesday and halfway through another week and almost time for another faire! I'll take pictures a plenty at that one too and post them in similar format. Here is the album from this trip:

Picture Directory