Walking Home Alone
Sometimes, along the flat of the riverbed, the air collects in cold fresh pockets that smell of grass and flowers and fog. If you walk along them... you can get lost in the mist until you're found by the fae....

Have you ever noticed that when you're with certain people, you can still be alone but others fill you up just by being there?

Sometimes I hate dreaming about people. It changes the way I see them. I dream in self-fulfilling prophecies- it's a madness I posses. But I usually only dream prophetically about people I don't know too well or who are distanced from me because my mind needs to fill in the blanks. What it fills in becomes, effectively, just as real as anything else I feel about this person. Sometimes it's anger, fear, or suspicion... then the results aren't so pleasant.

Hopelessness. I wonder what the difference is between just giving up and going on to something else or walking it alone and sticking it out to be less than pleased with the results. Everything falls to ruins in the end, every journey has its own experience- what makes one more worthy than the other? Feeling crappy for giving up or feeling crappy for wasting time?

So why can't I have it all? My Red String theory is a bit demented... so what?

I'll miss Cinema Oshii... I like jerking off my brain in that class. There really is something to be said about the evolutionary benefit of flaunting your capacity for language and intellect. I feel like an uber-nerd dominating discussions, but the sensation of being free to have something to say that's worthwhile means more to me than a few condescending stares. At least I know I don't sound like an idiot like some unfortunate memebers of the class... and that I have a life outside of anime and video games, even if I am an internet junkie.

At least I've succeeded in something... now to bind my feet and prepare NOT to run.

This Dad and Bev thing is really getting me down. I got so depressed tonight that I went far into myself... so far that the world inverted for a little while. That I almost tried to spread my wings and fly away. But I'm too grounded. And it'd be stupid to jump... I don't have wings, I'd just like to think I do. Maybe I'm no changeling, no oracle, no satyr. I don't think I know anything.

Have you found your god today? (It's Ash-gala Wonderful! Just ask Dave Thomas or the Steel Rabbi(t))

Living together is almost too easy. That's what makes me wish we hadn't done it. I'm no sucker for chivalric romance; in fact, it makes me ill... but it's so easy to under-appreciate the good things when you have it all so easy. I shouldn't bitch; I'm lucky. But day and night and every waking hour slip by and I almost miss the moments that were euphoric just because they were worth the difficulty of getting there. Simplicity rivals boredom on occasion, and solitude is a romance that I do appreciate. But there's always room for improvement- not much needed here.

How does one ask someone if they're not a virgin anymore? Is it really all in the eyes?

We're all gonna die someday. Mightn't it just as well be now? You'd rather not, I suppose. Things to do? Then go do them, idiot. Stop reading this and do something that scares you. I double dare ya.**

Random tonight, yes... and no I'm not on any narcotics, it's just freeform. *shrug* so answer some questions, or ask some of your own... be real or don't, I don't give a shit