Calamity
Tried to post pictures last night but Blogger was down... I'll try to get around to it this evening but with the wa my schedule runs on Wednesdays, I might not get around to it. In any case, there's no OV meeting tonight so I'll have a little time. I feel guilty for the amount of 'slacking off' I'm sure Brian and Raechel must think I'm doing. I wasn't able to distribute issues and I didn't edit copy on the last issue or make it to the editing party for this issue... most of it is scheduling conflicts and I want to put in more work but they seem to be unable to let me do what I need to do. Work with me here people, you make me look and feel bad!

It's hard to believe it's Hump Day already. And aptly titled, too. ^^ Teehee. I feel well rested after last night's long sleep... good food, good exercize, a shower and a comfortable bed. I wish it weren't so damn humid out though... it's ridiculous. This time of year last year it was sunny and scorching. This year it seems intent on being cool while sunny (nice) but warm and humid in the rain, which is very unusual for the Pacific Northwest.

Yesterday Justin's mom was in town for clinic (as she had been once a week for the past few weeks) and took us out for dinner at Beppe and Giani's. I love that restaurant. Her schedule was a little pressed because Ted's (Justin's stepdad) mother, Mrs. Burns, is dying or heart disease. Her heart started to fail last weekend. As I understand it, Justin isn't terribly close to the Burnses but they are nice people and I've met them so it's a little weird to think of Mrs. Burns as passing away. I just remember her as a tottering old lady who really likes her gin. They've got a big house up on Orcas Island with a large cabin down on the water below where we sometimes stay during the summer. It's a serene place. Of the couple, I'd have to say that I like Mr. Burns the most... he's pretty charismatic and he seems to find a way to flirt even though he's 84. The Burnses are related to Robert Moran, Seattle's Shipping King, and their family used to own Rosario Resort on the other side of Orcas Island. They've had a pleasant life, to be sure. I hope Ted can cope with the loss of his mom.

It seems ironic to me that when things go to hell, they all go to hell at once. This news about Mrs. Burn's illness follows right in the footsteps of Sunday's announcement that Justin's dad Tim and is splitting up with Bev, his common-law wife of 11 years. Rather, she's splitting up with him. I think she's itchy. Tim's going to be moving from the Rodney St. house into another place, someplace strange and lonely and different and he even had to sell his new Audi TT to finance the mortgage. It's too stupid and complicated to want to think about. Too much is changing for not enough of a good reason. But what do I know.

It's something to which neither of us know how to react. I've always loved Tim and Bev and felt a kindred sprit with Bev ever since I first met her. Those two are an item... I know I can love them as much apart as together, but it won't be the same. It doesn't feel real. It seems foolish and stupid, like something *I* would do, being my age. I may be wrong, but I think I know what Beverly is feeling... that itch she's getting after being in one place doing one thing for too long... but acting on it like this seems stupid for a middle-aged person. I hope she finds what she's looking for, in any case... but that she also realizes that life can't just go back to being the way it was after she finds it. (lesson learned, not that I take it any more to heart) It makes me really angry to see the two of them, people that I had faith in, going through this when their relationship is practically idyllic compared to most people I know. What more can you ask for, I want to know. Maybe my parents only stayed together for the kids (which I appreciate) but I think I have a pretty good idea of what a shitty relationship looks like and I don't believe Tim and Bev's relationship was in any way less than golden. Or silver, at least.

It's stupid, and I can't stand to talk about it with Justin because his hurt hurts me and if this whole blasted thing is giving me issues, I can't imagine what it's doing to him. I'm surprised I don't want to talk about it... I usually want to talk anyone's ear off about anything but it's like talking about it will give it form and if I just ignore it it will go away. But no, it's not going to go away and he and I will have to face it a little more every day until Glacier this year and then Beliz this winter. I guess things just don't last. It seems shallow and zen at the same time.

Is nothing sacred?

I can't feel depressed about this, per se. In part because it's not SO direct and in part because there's no fault of mine in the matter and nothing I can do about it. But there's been something worse than depression lurking in the back of my mind since Sunday, the sinking feeling that I have major issues with all of this that are going to screw me up somehow. That I can't just accept it but that I have to. That I think people are stupid but that I'm not any different or better than they are. That gives me a lot of hope, let me tell you...

I went running on Sunday after Tim called, to blow off steam. As I rounded the final lap of my first mile, I saw the biggest shooting star I've ever seen streaking across the sky. It was just too much and I almost had to stop running for the tears... But it's an omen that I don't know how to read at all. This is something I can do nothing about. What place does hope have in the realm of banal adult love? Where does magic belong if the two least mortal adults I know can't even seem to find it any more?

I've got a little magik, sometimes on the bridge I can call it out and watch it flow around me and follow down the river. I have to accept that things change. I know they will, I know they have to. Things change but I trust that despite the calamity everything will, with time, flow into each other and the universe will be one great whole.

A place with no death and none of the stupidity of adults.


P.S... Welcome Emily to the Land of Lynx...