LifeJourney
For some reason I feel kinda depressed right now... *shrug*

Maybe it's the fact that I'm actually trying to close negotiations with the Beesons in light of another new idea coming up (trying to rent the room with one month free rent- that might essentially save me my deposits and mebby someone would be interested in it). I dunno... seems worth a shot, provided that the Beesons agree to keep my deal running and that they keep the dough at the end of the month if I can't find anyone to take over the lease. Seems reasonable to me... but I still don't know what they're planning.

Ugh, I think I just need some energizing. I can just feel the complacency creeping into me; not only in the letting the money go to the landlords (my brain still says FIGHT!!) but in the conversations I've been having with others and with my own homelife. I'll be at peace when Justin moves in tomorrow... I've been looking forward to it for so long, but it'll start a new phase in my life. We've both been marking time until THIS POINT. Will it be worth it? Will my adventurous mind just fade into domestic oblivion? Will he ever learn to trust me when I spread my wings and soar into the great beyond- to know I have only the best intentions for myself and for him? Or will I just have to give up that part of myself to save this relationship?

HEY!!!.... we're too young to go silently into the night. He doesn't want to any more than I do. None of us do. We're just feeling the forced tug of society worming its way into our lives. We're not kids any more... but we refuse to let our childlike souls be murdered by banality. I hate watching my friends die... I hate hearing everyone sigh about the light leaving their lives. I feel it too.... it scares me. But we are too YOUNG for this to be an ending!!! This is NOT THE END OF THE STORY.... this is only a lull in the epic.

You have to believe that, *I* have to believe that. There is adventure to life. There is more than simple direction. If you know it, it will be true. IT WILL.

Won't it?

Fuck it, I'm tired and burnt out... it's been too long since I've let myself be mentally dissected by another Seeker. My head hurts.


Maybe I'll tell you my story someday... but not now.