A Rant for Greek Love
There are few things that bother me more in this world than assaults on sexuality.

This is most likely due to the fact that I grew up in a Christian home and was endlessly bullied and badgered about the religion and sexuality of my best friend's parents. My best friend, on the other hand, grew up in a Wiccan home with two moms and got no end of shit from everyone from gradeschool on.

In seventh grade I was "born-again" and subsequently attended church camps, was baptized, and became a member of the Presbyterian church. I sought religion because I wass empty, because I was searching. What I found filled the emptiness but not in ways that I was comfortable living. There wa no emptiness because there was no space to be empty, there was only a narrow corridor that we call the "righteous path." There was no right or left. There was no searching. What little space I had was filled with bitterness toward the world for being 'wrong.' I couldn't love anyone because I couldn't love myself. I couldn't accept my own adolescent urges and I couldn't understand how I was supposed to respond to my friends. This is really your typical coming-of-age story, but I chose to come of age in the church. Not a good idea. Ripe for fuck-uppage.

I left the church in ninth-grade, Freshman year. The straw that broke the camel's back was their take on how I should deal with my best friend. I was told to save her or leave her as a sinking ship. There was no acceptance for pagans, especially pagans with lesbian tendencies. Her Wiccan youth group, the "Diana circle," started to sound a lot more appealing than my own. All the kids in my youth group did was sneak out and smoke in the back. There was no spirituality, there was no embrace; there were only rules and the sheep that followed them. I guess you could say that when I left my life as a 'born-again," I killed myself, but I found out what it was like to be truly alive.

Part of the reason that I am so vehemently angry toward narrow-minded people (and yes, this seems like a double-standard) is that I had to witness every ounce of pain they caused my best friend. I began to understand that my best friend's parents were not only the best parents she could ask for (and I was truly jealous of their coolness) but they also loved each other very much. They became some of my best friends. From about sixth grade on, when her parents announced their 'engagement' in a local paper, she suffered. The community was full of quiet bigots who dissented just enough to tell their children about what was "wrong." These children, not yet old enough to make up their own minds, set their parents views to work on my best friend, and viciously. I was the one who fought the fights... she was too scared to know how. Eventually, her scars made her numb and I had to be the voice. As we grew older, so did our homophobic peers. Some of them dropped their weapons and got a real life. Most of them got more angry as they learned bigger words to voice their bigotry. Middle school was hell on earth. High school was just as bad. Her pain was my pain. First, because I had to stand up for her and was frightened to learn how brutal classmates could be. Second, because I was already struggling to deal with my own sexuality and I made her fight my own.

So you don't like gay people? I wish I could tell you, "Good for you." I can say that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I can try to be loving of those who hate people who are different. I can pray that they keep their opinions internalized and hope that these beliefs that make them "feel good" will make them lead a good life. I can try, but I know these people. I know that even though they quietly dissent, their children will be their voice. I know that as these children grow older, some of them will keep their voice. I know that the anger of those quiet and loud alike will bleed the hearts of people like me, my best friend, and her parents. I also know that these people do not deserve these wounds.

Homosexuality is not the symptom of a sick society. A sick society claims to be liberal and is truly conservative. A sick society calls itself it is "loving" and "Christian" and then proceeds to selectively murder the rights of individuals within it. A sick society is full of people who quietly hate others because they are different, because they are "wrong." It is a heterosexual world, people. Straight people are in no way threatened by homosexuals... heterosexuality OWNS the media, it is in almost every societal transaction. For every march for rights, for every gay union that "flaunts" the homosexual lifestyle, there is a heterosexual equivalent. On every street corner, in every magazine, in every coffee shop... television, billboards, t-shirts. The world shouts "I'm so FUCKING straight!" and then whispers to the homosexuals, "Be quiet, they'll HEAR you!" It makes me ill. And it is utterly indicative of our inability to understand sexuality.

Most people don't understand that embracing sexuality is as important as embracing spirituality. It is the embrace of self, yes, and the embrace of desire, but through these we learn to love and understand why we love. Sexuality is not about the act of sex. It is about intimacy: with self and with the world, GAY, STRAIGHT, or PLATONIC. It pains me to say it, because it is utterly cliche, but I think that fear of another's sexuality indicates discomfort with one's own.

After my honorable death from Christianity, I hesitantly proclaimed myself bisexual. I struggled with these issues in my journals over the last five years and finally realized that there was nothing to fear. I will love whom I love. I will fuck who I want to fuck. When I am with someone, I will love every moment of it because I can. I am comfortable with myself and I applaud those individuals whose relationships take them away from the beaten path. It takes a lot to be different in a world that claims to be open-minded and accepting but still persecutes based on fear.

I am tired of hearing people say that homosexuality is wrong. So many things we do are wrong, are 'unnatural.' We slaughter our planet, we sit on our asses and eat like gluttonous pigs, we neglect our families and our elders and we ignore these things. When the 'accepted' standard for relationships consists of a 50% divorce rate and an even higher potential for adultery and possible child abuse, I say to hell with it. And to hell with all who embrace the standard and "quietly dissent" against the rest. You keep your opinions to yourself? We hear you anyway. And it makes us laugh.

Note: This is in response to a thread in the webcam forums on Eta. [See Val's Cam, pages 25 onward]