Magik
Continued...
I agree, Justus, that magik has much more to do with self than outside. I believe not in the advancement of self but in recognizing what inherent power you posess and treasuring it. What I meant in some sense about seeking Magik (and I agree, the more you look, the more it disappears) is that I want to feel like I am a part of something outside myself. Some grand scheme in which I am more than a pawn. I want to feel like I am a player... in the magical sense, a warrior, a priestess, a shaman... rather than some villager or the schmuck next door. I guess this means that I've already chosen my role, but I'm waiting for my role to choose me.

I think what I wish is that my job and my education felt more like a cover for another, more exciting, life than being the focus of my existence. That's what's tiring. Sometimes there seems to not be enough time to be all the things I want to be. Sometimes it seems like there's all the time in the world.