The Last Time
You're right, Justus-san, that does sound like something I would write.

I often think about the lacking Magik in my life... and how when I was a child it was almost, almost tangible. But I usually conceed that it is really there, even still, and I can't see it or touch it because I'm somehow holding myself back. Because I don't have the guts to be the Wild Woman or to exile myself to the forest so that I can really see the sprites. It pains me to be "normal" in so mn respects. I don't like to feel/sound like I hold myself above other people but I'd like to feel as if I were the exception to some rule, or special in some utterly phenomenal way. The truth is, I may be... or, I may not. I just am. And the Magik creeps in and out of my life like the breath creeps in and out of a sleeper's body. If I ride these undulations, they may take me far away from the banal realm of reality, or they may grind it into my pores like sand. I can only hope to learn something profound along the way.
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I rode to the SRC last night around 8:30, biking my way up the hill toward Mac court. As I rode, I thought about how I might be moving soon and the re-orientation that this would force me into. Every day I will come to school a different way. I may never bike up this damn hill again. I may never go to Sundance for late night snacking again. I may never...

I stoped myself then. This is stupidly profound and a bit cliche, but true nonetheless. I may never do any one thing "again." It could be the last time I see you, the last time I look in the mirror. Why should biking up a hill strike me as so tender a moment when I really have no say in whether I'll even go to sleep tomorrow night.

Hmm... what is this Cliche? Carpe Diem, I guess. Live life without regrets.

It's one I seem to run into a lot. Love the time you've got and all that. A re-evaluation of sorts.

So what if it were the "last time"? The last time I write in here... the last time I run into you at a coffee shop or the last time the sun rises. So what, indeed. I'm glad to say that I've freed myself of almost all loose ends. I'm glad to say that almost all my regret is gone. I don't think all of it ever will be. There still is an echo of that primal scream.

But. In response to the question the world posed my mind, I say: Let it be the last time. I have loved, I have lived, I will free fall into whatever change there is to come and I will hit the ground running.

Bring it on.