Coming Out
Blogger crapped out on me in the middle of updating the blog and amending this post. It's been crapping out more and more lately, I hope it's not about ready to collapse under it's own weight. That would piss me off... I'm SO thoroughly enjoying myself wallowing in the rights of free speech here.

This Blog has finally done something for me, other than allow me to vent and express small amounts of personal introspection. After the enlightening conversaton in the ETA forums and the rant here, we've had several interesting and revealing discussions about sexuality. Someone's response to one of my posts surprised me... I said I wasn't sure if my philosophizing made any difference, and someone replied that I made a difference every time I 'came out to someone.' I was almost taken aback at being associated with the term 'coming out,' which disconcerted me. Why did this bother me? Then it struck me... that last rant was the first time I have, officially, in any sense, "come out." That, to me, seems really weird. I don't think I like the term 'to come out,' it gives the impression that there was something secretive, something to hide. I've never felt I had anything to hide so 'coming out' just never seemed like something to do. My sexuality is a big part of my life, yes, and I accept it wholeheartedly (though this wasn't always the case) but it never seemed to me something to announce in that sense. But I guess I did. So yay me. Or something?

I always associated 'coming out' with being 'in the closet.' Have I ever been in the closet? Maybe when I was in middle school and afraid of everything other people said about me. Not for many years. I've always considered myself open-minded. Maybe it's cheating to play the whole field. It just seems like the natural thing to do. I'm no activist; I'm not a member of the LGBTA, though I have friends who are. I have never pursued a non-heterosexual relationship, though I have considered it. It just doesn't seem like 'coming out' should be an event revolving around my sexuality. It just *is*. To turn it into something like that seems to categorize it, and that makes me nervous. You can't categorize something intrinsic, engrained, intuitive So, congratulate me if you will, but I never had anything to hide. I'm just me... searching...

Revisit the Rant

P.S. My cat came back! He isn't lost : )